- Audible Audio Edition
- Listening Length: 11 hours and 56 minutes
- Program Type: Audiobook
- Version: Unabridged
- Publisher: Recorded Books
- Audible.com Release Date: June 10, 2004
- Language: English
- ASIN: B0002P0FDU
- Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
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Odd Girl Out Audiobook – Unabridged
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This is a MUST READ for EVERY parent of daughters AGES 11 - 18 and school teachers of those ages. Odd Girl Out gave me insights into my students’ behavior when I was teaching middle school.
Unlike boys who may settle their differences physically and then move on, girls who bully leave EMOTIONAL SCARS which can follow the bully and especially the victim into adulthood.
Bully may be the wrong term here, since often it is more subtle, i.e. a group of friends suddenly leaving one from there group suddenly without EXPLANATION, out of their activities - sitting together at lunch.
it's a tough read and an easy read. easy, because simmons is an excellent writer and fills the book with real stories of real girls. tough, because the real girls she profiles reveal a profile of aggression (almost universally experienced) that is so painful, so destructive, it's difficult to read (especially if you care about teenage girls).
i had a great chat with my 13 year-old daughter, liesl, after reading this book. she was very open about how girls treat each other. i may be fooling myself, but i do think that liesl's private school (a waldorf school, which is particularly nurturing and has no tolerance for mistreatment) protects her from the fullest extent of what this behavior would look like in the vast majority of schools. in fact, i could easily see liesl being the aggressor (the rumor-creator, the silent treatment-giver, the "we don't like you" club-originator), were she in a different context.
the book talks at length about why this alternative aggression is so commonplace amongst girls. it also talks about why schools are so poor at addressing it. it's a bit light on suggestions for what we all (who care about girls) can do about it - but there is some of this, especially near the end of the book.
given my passion for early adolescent ministry, i was intrigued to read that this behavior is at its peak during the young teen years. the author focuses all of her research on girls from 5th grade through 9th grade, with the "sweet spot" (bad choice of words, i suppose) between 11 and 14.
here's one particular paragraph i found fascinating:
at first glance, the stories of girls not being allowed to eat at the lunch table, attend a party, put their sleeping bag in the middle, or squeeze inside a circle of giggling girls may seem childish. yet as carol gilligan has shown, relationships play an unusually important role in girls' social development. in her work with girls and boys, she found that girls perceive danger in their lives as isolation, especially the fear that by standing out they will be abandoned. boys, however, describe danger as a fear of entrapment or smothering. this contrast, gilligan argues, shows that women's development "points toward a diffrerent history of human attachment, stressing continuity and change instead of replacement and seperation. the primacy of relationship and attachment in the female life also indicates a different experience of and response to loss. the centrallity of relationship to girls' lives all but guarantees a different landscape of aggression and bullying, with its own distinctive features worthy of seperate study.
The smart Doctor looked at her, and started asking her questions about her best friends and social life at school. Later he preffered me to this book.
I went home and read it and it opened my eyes
I shared it with my wife, and started talking with my daughter, trying to understand more. Aparantly there is a dominant girl in her class, which applies social aggression on all her surrounding. Many other girls were involved but the silence was broken only when more and more parents talked about it. The book was acurate in both the phenomena and how to handle it. This book is an eye opened and a good guide for parents in sla similar situation.
Or if you are wondering how you ended up in the middle of a conflict with no idea how to help either side.
This book was very revealing to me.
BUT while this book did shed some light on what happened to me and put into words what girls do to each other I didn't find what I was hoping for; some type of blueprint, some sort of plan for me to help my daughter through this. The author kept saying that we needed to come up with a new language to explain girl bullying but she never came up it. Nor did I find anything to help explain things to my daughter. She did end the book with some words of advice on how to talk to your daughter about what may be happening to her but all this book did was take her countless interviews with girls and women and prove that girls just aren't that nice.