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Oh No She Didn't: The Top 100 Style Mistakes Women Make and How to Avoid Them Hardcover – October 12, 2010
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About the Author
Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.
THE ATROCITIES I’VE SEEN
I mean, seriously, sometimes I’m surprised I haven’t already gouged out my own eyes. Truth be told, I did come pretty damn close once. I was in Pittsburgh, at the airport, or maybe it was Cincinnati. Doesn’t matter, really. There I was, just minding my own business, reading the newspaper and waiting for my flight to board, when a couple of women approached me.
“Are you Clinton?” one of them asked.
This question always kind of bugs me. You know it’s me. Just say hello and go back to your quadruple mocha latte. “Yep,” I replied, and looked up to see two of the most horrific outfits imaginable. Both women—both—were wearing horizontal-striped turtlenecks tucked into high-waisted Mom Jeans with white cross-trainers.
“We love your show!” said one.
“We watch it all the time!” declared the other.
I smiled and said thank you, because I’m a gentleman. But inside my little head, I screamed to the heavens with all my might: Why, God! Why do you hate me so much!
Maybe I get a tad exasperated from time to time, but certainly you can understand why. I’ve spent the good part of a decade explaining, with as much patience as I could muster, why you shouldn’t pair socks with sandals, why you might want to avoid tube tops after the age of forty, why elastic-waist pants are evil incarnate. But, evidently, not everyone is listening.
Still, I continue on with my mission to make America a more beautiful place. I’m like that Native American dude from the commercial who cries when he sees people litter. Except, I’m not crying. It’s more like I’m laughing at you. In fact, he’s laughing at you too. We’re having gin and tonics right now, and I was just telling him that your outfit was revolting. And you know what he said?
And how! Couldn’t you just die? I almost peed my pants a little.
© 2010 Clinton Kelly
Top Customer Reviews
Complete with full-color portraits of ladies wearing less than flattering undergarments and unwisely baring their assets, flip-flops being immolated (I hate flip-flops), someone blithely hailing a cab wearing what appears to be her pajamas, hirsute legs with panty hose, and other scary sights, "Oh No, She Didn't" is a photo album for non-fashionistas. Who cares that Kelly thinks calf-length skirts pigeonhole you as belonging to a "religious cult"; that tent dresses resemble "two curtains sewn together at the top and sides, with holes for the arms and head"; that turtlenecks choke you and generally make you look short and squat; and that frosting is for cake, not hair? No one can stop you from wearing t-shirts with silly logos, horizontal stripes (even though you have a bit of a paunch), or cross-trainers if you feel like it. We live in America, after all, land of the free and home of the brazen.
Some will say that Clinton Kelly is mean, profane, opinionated, intolerant, and sarcastic, and they would be absolutely justified in their assessment. Whatever you think of Kelly as a human being and regardless of your opinions about his style tips, you may get a kick out of the wildly irreverent "Oh No, She Didn't."
Now, if you're reading this book, you probably care about what you wear and how you present yourself, so hopefully you won't find that you are making too many of these mistakes! But in any case, Clinton gives valuable fashion tips, tailoring advice, and even make-up tips courtesy of Carmindy, the show's makeup artist. These are interspersed with comic takedowns of women who wear PJs to the supermarket (written as a screenplay), women who wear flip-flops outside the beach or pool setting, the dress that looks like a dish towel, and scary nail polish colors. So even if you find yourself being skewered for wearing that Disney World Minnie Mouse t-shirt, you'll be laughing.
Lastly, I would definitely not recommend this to any young girls or teens - too crude.
But this book is a big disappointment. If you've watched the show, or read Kelly's other books, you've heard it all before. And showing "worst dressed" photos is such a tired idea - magazines and websites run these features all the time.
The book is relentlessly negative. After reading it, I was left wondering "So, what CAN I wear??"
The deftly funny, upbeat and encouraging Clinton we've come to love cannot be found in this book. I hope he'll be back.
the color pink
the color black
the color white
the color beige
a white shirt with a black pair of pants
solid colors of various colors worn on consecutive days
rainbow mother rings bought at the mall
earings that match necklaces
You get the idea.
All of the people who wear these things get the same scathing treatment that he gives to those who wear visible thongs.
Most Recent Customer Reviews
I liked him on the show, but this was critical and bitchy. No useful info.Published 2 months ago by Kindermom
Love CK and have read all his books. This one was more than disappointing. It's failed attempt at humor comes across as mean, nasty, and heartless.Published 4 months ago by Jennifer
This book is like binging on a delicious chocolate cake: absolutely naughty, decadent and a complete indulgence. Read morePublished 4 months ago by ML
Advice is good - as expected. Delivery is smart ass and just mean. The humor wears thin very quickly.Published 7 months ago by Amazon Customer
Yes, Kelly engages in taste-shaming, and he's hyperbolic for humor's sake, BUT if you read everything he says, you will find useful tips, info, and rules of thumb for dressing and... Read morePublished 10 months ago by K Randolph
LAUGH OUT LOUD funny. Creative, clever, and witty, witty, witty. This (gorgeous, married to another handsome man) guy doesn't miss any detail on clothing, men or women. Read morePublished 11 months ago by Belle of the Ball