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No One Understands You and What to Do About It Paperback – April 14, 2015
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Definitely worth a read.” Small Business Trends (smallbiztrends.com), Entrepreneurial Survivor Guide’s 10 Books for your Nightstand
As seen on Business Insider’s Summer Reading List of 20 Books to Read This Summer That will Make You Smarter about Business.”
Featured on Investor’s Business Daily’s Reading List, Beach Reads for Businesspeople”
If you are exhausted by miscommunication, you might want to read No One Understands You and What to Do About It, by Heidi Grant Halvorson Halvorson users her social psychology background to discuss ways to improve that communication.” Tom Fox, Washington Post’s Summer Reading List
a fascinating book overflowing with fresh insights and advice.” SUCCESS Magazine
"Both as a journalist and merely a working person, it's important to understand what's going on behind the scenes when we interact with otherswhy intention and perception are often misaligned. This book uses real research to explain just that, and it offers tons of valuable insight into what we can do about it." Business Insider (businessinsider.com)
If you think you know how others perceive you, and how your verbal and nonverbal messages are being interpreted, read this bookyou might be surprised.” TD magazine (Association for Talent Development)
No One Understands You: And What to Do About It by Heidi Grant Halvorson helps readers close the gap between how they see themselves and how others perceive them, making clear why we are often misunderstood.” Whitney Johnson as seen on UPS’ Longitudes Bookroom
"Suggestion: To connect better with teammates and others read Heidi Grant Halvorson's captivating new book, No One Understands You And What To Do About It." Kare Anderson, Huffington Post
a codebook for deciphering one of the grand riddles of life: why don’t others see us as we see ourselves? A renowned psychologist charts the path to making a better impression on others while maintaining a sense of integrity.” Adam Grant, as seen on LinkedIn
The book offers lots of advice on those three lenses and the broader issue of how you are perceived by others. It’s clearly written, based on research, with lots of examples.” The Globe and Mail
She offers tools that help every reader show others who they truly are. Interesting, informative, and genuinely useful.” BizEd magazine
Halvorson, a social psychologist at the Columbia Business School, breaks down decades of research into an enjoyable guide to understanding how people perceive each other, and how this knowledge can make you a better communicator.” Business Insider (businessinsider.com)
ADVANCE PRAISE for No One Understands You and What to Do About It:
Daniel H. Pink, author, To Sell Is Human and Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us
Think you know how you come across? Think again. Using a brilliant combination of stories and science, Heidi Grant Halvorson reveals the gulf between how others perceive us and how we perceive ourselves. But instead of leaving us to lament, she shows us how to contend with this sometimes harsh reality. This is a smart, fascinating, and eminently practical book.”
Carol S. Dweck, Lewis and Virginia Eaton Professor of Psychology, Stanford University
This is a great book. It’s important, it’s riveting, and it’s extremely useful. In fact, it’s essential for anyone who wants to thrive in their social or business world.”
David Rock, Director and CEO, NeuroLeadership Institute
Heidi’s tone and smarts made this book impossible to put down.”
Scott Barry Kaufman, Scientific Director, Imagination Institute, Positive Psychology Center, University of Pennsylvania
Despite your best intentions, your perceptions of people are a mirage, contaminated by your past experiences, needs, and desires. This book will help you see yourself and others accuratelyperhaps for the first time.”
Art Markman, Annabel Iron Worsham Centennial Professor of Psychology, University of Texas at Austin; author, Smart Thinking and Smart Change
Heidi Grant Halvorson explores the fascinating research on personal perception. Not only will this book help you to present yourself more effectively, it will also allow you to see the people around you more accurately.”
Peter Bregman, CEO, Bregman Partners; author, 18 Minutes: Find Your Focus, Master Distraction, and Get the Right Things Done
There are so many good reasons to read this book. It’s smart. It’s insightful. It’s helpful. But the best reason might just be that it’s fun. Heidi Grant Halvorson is a great writerwise, knowledgeable, and charming at the same time. I found myself laughing while I was learning.”
Nilofer Merchant, author, 11 Rules for Creating Value in the Social Era
There is deep power in knowing how to have people see you as only you are.”
David Burkus, author, The Myths of Creativity
Being an authentic leader means being perceived authentically. Halvorson masterfully combines research and story to outline why we’re misunderstood and how to be seen for who we really are.”
Adam Grant, Class of 1965 Chaired Professor of Management, Wharton School, University of Pennsylvania; New York Times bestselling author, Give and Take
This is a code book for deciphering one of the great riddles of life: why don’t others see us as we see ourselves? With fascinating facts and memorable examples, renowned psychologist Heidi Grant Halvorson shows us the path to making a better impression on others while maintaining a sense of integrity.”
Robert I. Sutton, Professor of Management Science and Engineering, Stanford University; author, The No Asshole Rule
The best book ever written on why it is so difficult for us humans to communicate with others and what we can do about it. I was blown away by the masterful weave of stories, rock-solid evidence, and, especially, advice that I can use right now to get my message across without confusing or pissing off the other people in my life.”
About the Author
Heidi Grant, PhD, is a social psychologist who researches, writes, and speaks about the science of motivation. She is Global Director of Research & Development at the NeuroLeadership Institute and serves as Associate Director of Columbia's Motivation Science Center. She received her doctorate in social psychology from Columbia University.
- Publisher : Harvard Business Review Press; Bilingual edition (April 14, 2015)
- Language : English
- Paperback : 224 pages
- ISBN-10 : 1625274122
- ISBN-13 : 978-1625274120
- Item Weight : 8 ounces
- Dimensions : 5.4 x 0.8 x 8.2 inches
- Best Sellers Rank: #344,897 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- Customer Reviews:
Top reviews from the United States
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However, in practice, I would argue that these ideas are little more than things you SHOULD NOT test in the work place for sake of keeping your job. I tried a few ideas in this book out and seemed to piss off a few people, later went back to apologize.
If you want people to understand you - JUST BE HONEST AND OPEN. Don't have a hidden agenda.
Communicate clearly. Dress respectfully, don't look like a bum. Do as much as you can for colleagues and your manager at work. Be respectful too. It's that simple.
In Stephen Covey's words - seek to understand and then be understood. Be a good listener - then people will REALLY understand you and SEEK to understand you.
Lastly, this book talks about "the power pose" technique, which is just garbage. If you want to be confident, believe in yourself. Be humble, be respectful. You will be confident when people start to like you since you're kind - not because of how straight your back is.
TLDR: Good in theory - poor in execution.
The most helpful parts of the book for me were the sections that talk about people's various filters or "lenses" that color their perceptions of you. For instance, there is the ego lens, which can cause people to see others with more talent or abilities as a threat. Then there is the power lens, which can cause people to totally disregard you and your rights. There is too much here to list every detail. The bottom line of it all, is that you are not given an impartial, unbiased, fair shake by anyone you meet, not likely anyways. This is could help you (the "halo effect") or hinder you, and this book will help you understand how all this works.
One final thing I will say about this book, which may be more important than anything else, is that the author relies on peer reviewed research to come to her conclusions. She is a genuine expert on what science really says about this topic. What this means is that this book is not a waste of time like so much of the self-help literature out there. Everything in here is supported by evidence, and the book gives many of the interesting details of how this research was conducted.
The book consists of four parts. The first part explores why we are often perceived differently than we intend to. How do people actually make their first impression and why is it so hard to change that first impression again.
The second part explores three 'lenses' which is the metaphor used for how people change their perception of you based on the situation. For example, the first lens is the trust lens. When you meet some, do you trust him? Where is this initial trust based on? How do people make this decision and why? The other two lenses explored are the power lens and the ego lens.
The third part looks at particular personalities and how they provide an individual lens. This is a short chapter and consists only of two dimensions of personality types. The last part contains the final practical advice chapter and a conclusion...
The book was an easy read, practical, and enjoyable. Most of the book is a summary of a lot of other material out there, some conclusions on that, and what you can do with it. If you have read other work on the subject then this book is not likely to give you much news. If you haven't, this is a pretty good starting book. Because of that, I was doubting between 3 and 4 stars but I'll go with 4. Pretty ok.
I've spent my adult life studying the science of human connection and I still learned quite a bit from this book. I will NOT be selling my copy because it is heavily underlined and I will be referring back to it over and over again. It's full of strong science, humor, and powerful practical application.
I LOVED the section on the Trust, Power, and Ego lenses. Absolute gold for managers, salespeople, coworkers, or anyone who wants their true personality to come across so a real human connection can be formed. When we understand each other better, the world becomes a better place. Thanks Heidi, for making these insights available and accessible to us!
I'll rate the book as fairly low when it comes to tactics. This isn't really what the book is about though. You want to read this book if you want the simplest understanding of what it takes to be properly received by others.
Top reviews from other countries
Well worth the purchase.