Other Sellers on Amazon
+ Free Shipping
+ $3.99 shipping
+ $3.99 shipping
Out of Control: Why Disciplining Your Child Doesn't Work and What Will Paperback – December 24, 2013
|New from||Used from|
The Amazon Book Review
Book recommendations, author interviews, editors' picks, and more. Read it now.
Enter your mobile number or email address below and we'll send you a link to download the free Kindle App. Then you can start reading Kindle books on your smartphone, tablet, or computer - no Kindle device required.
To get the free app, enter your mobile phone number.
Frequently bought together
Customers who viewed this item also viewed
The patterns of behavior we witness in childhood become the template for our own way of parenting.
It’s because discipline focuses on behavior, not on the feel- ings driving the behavior, that it undercuts the very thing we are trying to accomplish.
We’ve been so schooled to impose lessons” on our children that it feels counterintuitive to allow the lesson to emerge naturally out of the situation.
The reality is that children learn not because we tell them, but from how we relate to them. It’s the differ- ence between doing to” ver- sus doing with.”
To give a child things or deprive them because to do so matches our subconscious agendaour unresolved emo- tional baggagerather than aligning with their develop- mental needs, is to court conflict.
Each moment with our child is a reflection of the past and a foundation for the future.
It’s the dynamic that arises from insisting on our paren- tal agenda that creates the need for discipline.
When it comes to accepting ourselves as imperfect, we set the tone for our children. The degree to which they accept their imperfections tends to be the degree to which we accept and honor our own.
To be present for our children means to be aware of our own subconscious agenda so we don’t impose this on our children.
If a parent puts out the kind of vibes that welcome feel- ings, even when the feelings are difficult to tolerate, the child picks up on this, eventually learning how to manage their feelings in a healthy manner.
There are all kinds of ways we can help our children cope with their world. Creativity is what’s needed, not admonish- ment or discipline.
Our children didn’t come into the world to be our puppets. They came here to struggle, fumble, thrive, and enjoya journey for which they need our encouragement.
From the Inside Flap
Where did the belief come from that we need to discipline our children if they are to grow up into individuals who are well adjusted and who make something of their lives?
Out of Control reveals how the very discipline we impose to control behavior is in reality a major cause of bad behavior, disrespect for adults, and dysfunction such as bullying, hostility toward family and society, drugs, alcoholism, and teen suicide.
Dr Tsabary asserts that to parent effectively requires us to develop a deep connection with our children, so that we address the feelings that drive a child's behavior instead of punishing. "When we tackle the reason for the behavior," says Dr Tsabary, "it automatically changes."
Far from a laissez-faire, "anything goes" approach, Dr Tsabary advocates for a high level of parental resolve that majors not in control, but in helping a child develop a sense of personal responsibility.
Authentic connection, in which children can be real with their parents, leads to a home in which self-discipline prevails-- both for the child and the parent.
The need to "impose our will" on our children evaporates, leading to respect, ownership of one's life, and a strong character marked by a resilience that flows naturally from within.
- Item Weight : 13.6 ounces
- Paperback : 225 pages
- ISBN-10 : 1897238762
- ISBN-13 : 978-1897238769
- Dimensions : 5.9 x 0.8 x 8.9 inches
- Publisher : Namaste Publishing; 1st edition (December 24, 2013)
- Language: : English
- Customer Reviews:
Top reviews from the United States
There was a problem filtering reviews right now. Please try again later.
Her ideas will find you saying " is she for real?" If I don't discipline my children things will not only get worse, but I will lose any control I had. Rest assured struggling parent, this will not be the outcome. I am living proof. My children ages 7,5, and 3 are living proof. There is a better way. We continue to drink the parent Kool Aid that tells us we need to change our child. We need to be more strict, exercise more control to shape and mold our children. So they can essentially be the child we want, not the child entrusted to us. Notice how many times I said "we"? Meaning "I" not your child. Meaning your ego, your script. Not the one that your child entered this earth already possessing.
I have about a 1000 sticky notes tucked through out this book and 10,000 sentences underlined. I would leave sticky notes of these life changing insights for my husband in any place I knew he would see them. When I feel I am getting "out of control" I come back to this book and reread it. I find my groove again and my household is at peace once again.
I have since meet Dr.Shefali. If you have the chance to attend a speaking engagement of hers, do it! It will only enrich your life. And your children's.
I am in no way affiliated with Dr. Shefali other than a loyal reader, whose life has been changed for the better. I share her work with everyone I know and several other parents have experienced the same relief. Buy this book! Buy her two other books The Conscious Parent and The Awakened Family. And prepare for your own transformation.
I would love to buy an audible version, if and when available!!
Top reviews from other countries
I have been putting into practice the approaches Dr Shiva recommends and I am experiencing the benefits for both me & my children
I do like the idea of not trying to project one's ideas onto your child this gets covered in great detail and will actually change the way I parent.