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Outdated: Why Dating Is Ruining Your Love Life Paperback – September 27, 2011
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After the Speech: When Teens Get Real
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At the same time, Samhita manages to balance this with an approachable and candid style that I felt I could relate to well. This is not a simple-to-follow dating self-help book with a formula or a specific end-goal. Rather, it is a look at the way oppression, particularly sexism and heteronomativism shape today's dating landscape that feels conversational and realistic. The book does not end with advice, or a path to follow. Rather, it is a critical look at our world that can inform many different, equally valid, decisions about what is right for each person.
While I found it extremely useful and relatable as a fellow single and dating feminist, I think many young feminists in relationships may also find it worthwhile. Outdated's analysis focuses not only on barriers for single feminists but on the role of oppression within personal relationships and how we can work to have meaningful relationships and communities on our terms. I will definitely be recommending this book to MANY many others! Thank you so much for the wonderful book!
It really wasn't even on my list of things to know more about until my last few years of trying to make sense of the pieces of living in our culture that didn't feel good (Love relationships, consumerism, political agendas, rampant dysfuction in our society-how it all the dots connect) brought me to a situation in which I was introduced to the author of this book. She handed me her business card. I looked at it and asked `What is feminism?' I don't remember her answer (the discomfort of the 'F-bomb' made me tune out), but the experience stuck with me and reading her book was at the top of my list.
I got my hands on the book and it's thourough examination of our world sparked some revealing conversations for me. As I was discussing it with some people, I could concede to an understanding of what she was saying about love, dating, equality, political systems, marketing machines, really dated ways of living and how it adds to the confusing messages we hear. She clearly spelled out what I had been trying to untangle in my mind with very little support. It helped me reach clarity about my own experience and empowerment in the choices I was making that didn't necessarily fit in with the rest of the world.
One of the most empowering statements in this book, for me, was : "If you stop worrying about finding The One, you can just enjoy meeting new people and all of the possible adventures that come with that." - It was so nice to see someone else be on board with this; I think I want her to be my new best friend! But me? A feminist? No.Read more ›
The author's starting point is very personal, which one of the other reviewers, for some reason, takes as a weakness. For me, however, this is really helpful and honest. By laying out her perspective and making it clear that relationships are not one-size-fits-all, she really leaves a lot up to the reader in terms of where to go with the information and ideas presented in the book. Further, between the references and endnotes, there are a great many directions to go in terms of further reading. At first, it struck me as a little too academic how many citations there were, but, as I moved forward, I realized it was a way to give the reader the freedom to explore all the sources of the author's analysis and draw her or his own conclusions.
And that's one thing that really impressed me about the book, and sets it apart from other dating books: there's no "answer," strictly speaking. There is a lot of really solid criticism of the sorts of patters we're all trained to follow and how these can stand in the way of authentic relationships, but the reader's intelligence is respected enough to not offer a simple, pat alternative.
On top of it all, I couldn't help but bust out laughing in just about every chapter or subsection. The sarcasm and comedy flowing through what is a really heartfelt and smart book makes some of the hard truths in it (like that there's no easy solution) a little easier to stomach. Even the section titles are great (like "Hopeless Romantic or Glutton for Punishment," which is one of my favorites).Read more ›
Most Recent Customer Reviews
I just read this book again for a second time. I enjoyed it even more this time. This book doesn't trash dating as a useless, antiquated activity. Read morePublished 14 months ago by Miriam A. Prichard
If you look at the reviews, it appears that women give it 5 stars and men give it 3 or less. That is a major warning sign.Published 17 months ago by pyite
I really wanted this to be a great -- or even very good -- book, since it came to me highly recommended. But it's not a great or very good book. Read morePublished on September 20, 2013 by Frank Langben
Yet again another addition to the arsenal of malicious content created by the 'Feminists', claims to want equality, but only advocates one sex over another. Read morePublished on July 29, 2013 by Abe
and found it spot-on with its critique of mainstream dating advice/ breakup books. Only thing is, there were not a lot of descriptions of how to make your own relationships more... Read morePublished on April 2, 2012 by E. Jahneke
"Outdated" is a feminist deconstruction of dating advice books written for women, mostly by men.
The first chapter is about the assertion in many dating books that... Read more
This book is excellent. She offers a fresh perspective for both men and women navigating the complicated world of dating and relationships. Read morePublished on November 7, 2011 by eerriiiccaa