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Overcoming Borderline Personality Disorder: A Family Guide for Healing and Change 1st Edition

by Valerie Porr (Author)

4.6 371 ratings

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Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is characterized by unstable moods, negative self-image, dangerous impulsivity, and tumultuous relationships. Many people with BPD excel in academics and careers while revealing erratic, self-destructive, and sometimes violent behavior only to those with whom they are intimate. Others have trouble simply holding down a job or staying in school.

Overcoming Borderline Personality Disorder is a compassionate and informative guide to understanding this profoundly unsettling--and widely misunderstood--mental illness, believed to affect approximately 6% of the general population. Rather than viewing people with BPD as manipulative opponents in a bitter struggle, or pitying them as emotional invalids, Valerie Porr cites cutting-edge science to show that BPD is a true neurobiological disorder and not, as many come to believe, a character flaw or the result of bad parenting. Porr then clearly and accessibly explains what BPD is, which therapies have proven effective, and how to rise above the weighty stigma associated with the disorder. Offering families and loved ones supportive guidance that both acknowledges the difficulties they face and shows how they can be overcome, Porr teaches empirically-supported and effective coping behaviors and interpersonal skills, such as new ways of talking about emotions, how to be aware of nonverbal
communication, and validating difficult experiences. These skills are derived from Dialectical Behavior Therapy and Mentalization-based Therapy, two evidence-based treatments that have proven highly successful in reducing family conflict while increasing trust. Overcoming Borderline Personality Disorder is an empowering and hopeful resource for those who wish to gain better understanding of the BPD experience--and to make use of these insights in day-to-day family interactions.

Winner of the ABCT Self Help Book Seal of Merit Award 2011

ISBN-10

0195379586
ISBN-13

978-0195379587
Edition

1st
Publisher

Oxford University Press
Publication date

August 12, 2010
Language

English
Dimensions

1.2 x 6.1 x 9.1 inches
Print length

424 pages
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Editorial Reviews

Review

"Valerie Porr has championed the cause of people with borderline personality disorder for decades. Her understanding of the disorder and its effects on the individuals themselves and their families, partners, and friends is outstanding. This readable and informative book distils her years of experience and her first hand knowledge of how to help patients and families, providing the practical wisdom that comes only with a genuine understanding of what it is to be 'borderline'. This is required reading for anyone, from novice to expert, who seeks an understanding of borderline personality disorder and who wants practical guidance on what helps."
--Anthony Bateman, Consultant Psychiatrist and Psychotherapist, Barnet, Enfield, and Haringey Mental Health NHS Trust and Visiting Professor University College, London

"Overcoming Borderline Personality Disorder by Valerie Porr is like water for a parched land. Few psychiatric disorders are as misunderstood as borderline personality disorder, a condition that can be profoundly disabling to patients and devastating to families. Opinions about what families should do are plentiful, but evidence-based guidance, derived from solid research, is rare. This is what this book delivers. It is an invaluable roadmap for families of patients with BPD."
--John Oldham, Chief of Staff, The Menninger Clinic

"An important book for family members of people with BPD."
--Larry Siever, Professor of Psychiatry, Mount Sinai School of Medicine

"She ably explains neuroscience as it applies here and emphasizes understanding, validation, and acceptance (not unconditional love)... An outstanding model of the psychoeducational approach, this volume bridges a daunting gap between laity and psychotherapists. Highly recommended for professionals as well as families of these patients." --Library Journal

About the Author

Valerie Porr, M.A., is a mental health educator and advocate trained in Dialectical Behavior Therapy, and the founder and president of the Treatment and Research Advancements National Association for Personality Disorder (TARA NAPD). She conducts psycho-educational training seminars for family members of those with BPD in New York and elsewhere.

Product details

Publisher ‏ : ‎ Oxford University Press; 1st edition (August 12, 2010)
Language ‏ : ‎ English
Paperback ‏ : ‎ 424 pages
ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 0195379586
ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-0195379587
Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 1.23 pounds
Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 1.2 x 6.1 x 9.1 inches

Best Sellers Rank: #340,493 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #149 in Medical Mental Illness
- #299 in Personality Disorders (Books)
- #472 in Medical Psychology Pathologies

Customer Reviews:
4.6 371 ratings

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Valerie Porr

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Valerie Porr, M.A.,

Ms. Porr is President/Founder of the Treatment and Research Advancements National Association for Personality Disorder (TARA NAPD), a not for profit education and advocacy organization representing consumers, families, and providers affected by BPD. She is the author of Overcoming BPD, a Family Guide for Healing and Change, (Oxford University Press, August 2010,) co-author of New Hope for People with BPD, (Bockian, N, Porr, V 2002) co-editor of the BPD Journal of the California Alliance of the Mentally Ill and has published numerous articles on family experiences and BPD advocacy issues. She is intensively trained in Dialectic Behavior Therapy (DBT) and has developed a curriculum combining DBT and Mentalization teaching family members how to help their loved ones with BPD while helping themselves. Ms. Porr conducts educational seminars and Family DBT Coping Skills Workshops, trains family leaders, speaks at family and professional conferences, and has coordinated BPD research conferences with the support of the National Institute of Mental Health. She operates the only BPD Helpline and Resource and Referral service in the US, affording her the opportunity to speak with and collect data from thousands of people with BPD and their family members.

Ms. Porr has a family consultation practice.

She is also an artist who was a successful clothing designer and businesswoman and has taught fashion business at Parson's School of Design and biology and the sciences at high school level.

Customer reviews

4.6 out of 5

371 global ratings

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Jennifer Dublino

Very helpful, but repetitive

Reviewed in the United States on September 3, 2021

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This book gave me a lot of insight into my loved one's condition (borderline personality disorder). I had previously looked up the condition online and got a lot of seemingly random phrases that didn't mean anything to me, like "radical acceptance." Reading this book gave me a solid understanding of the neurophysiological underpinnings, the subjective experience of what she and others like her feel on a daily basis and helpful strategies to deal with it. Although I can't see myself saying the whole validation paragraph, I am able to incorporate its essence and express it in my own words. The bottom line is that it is making a difference and has transformed my relationship.

So why only 4 stars? This book is around 400 pages, and in my opinion, could easily have covered the information in half that. A lot of it is repetitive, especially parts that explain how the person with BPD feels and the way that family members feel. While this is important in the beginning, the reader does not need to be told it over and over again. Some of the recommendations are confusing and seemingly contradictory and for those, I would have liked to see some examples.

All in all, it has helped me, so my recommendation is if you love someone with BPD, grit your teeth and slog through it. It's worth sifting through for some real gems that can make a significant difference in your life and that of your loved one.

9 people found this helpful

Reviewed in the United States on January 12, 2017

Verified Purchase

Five months ago, even two months ago, I would not have dreamed that I would be here writing this story. It’s a story that must be told and I hope it will help you.
My 36 year old daughter was diagnosed in her 20’s with BPD. She began showing signs of trouble at 13. We sent her to therapists and an outdoor program and other in-patient programs hospitalizations. Followed all the DBT principals in trying to engage and have a relationship with her. Nothing helped. In fact the past 2 years have been the worst. We haven’t been able to talk to each other civilly in nearly 2 years, and when she has communicated with us it is almost always a stream of ugly, profanity-laden, and hurtful accusations and name-calling, inferences about hurting herself, and more.

We had read Overcoming Borderline Personality Disorder early on, during the first year or so of the diagnosis (actually we were reading everything we could get our hands on). We found Valerie’s approach of compassion to be most helpful…. But…. therapists were giving us near opposite instruction and direction: draw boundaries; create a plan for/with her and stick to it; hospitalize her if necessary; etc.. Fast Forward to January 2021 and my first 8 week Zoom class with Valerie on Mentalization; followed by the 10 week Family Empowerment class (although ideally the Family Empowerment course would be first, followed by Mentalizaton), and fascinating and seeing the possibilities (but with many questions about our daughter specifically) ended up having a few one-on-one sessions with Valerie. We have learned more about our daughter and how to engage her in these few months than in all the years before combined. We started using basic Mentalization and there is no other way to describe it than transformative. It is doing wonders! Over the past 5 months the trust is growing, and even more amazing the past few weeks with my daughter has been incredible. It’s going to be a long road, and there will be bumps along the way, but I truly do not think I would have a daughter today if not for this technique and Valerie’s relentless insistence that we MUST change our expectations and pre-conceived notions (implicit biases), radically accept her for who she is and where she is at this moment, and always, always, Mentalize. We recognize the many controversies about BPD treatment, but simply put, everything else we have tried for 15-20 years failed; but this has worked.

13 people found this helpful

CBT description ok but dialogue suggestions bizarre

Reviewed in the United States on March 17, 2023

Verified Purchase

The explanations of CBT advised for people with borderline personality disorder were helpful, but her suggestions for how to conduct dialogues in certain situations were bizarre and even insensitive.

Extremely valuable for families or friends of a loved one with BPD.

Reviewed in the United States on June 13, 2020

Verified Purchase

I came across this book when my daughter was 17. She was incredibly unhappy and everything we did seemed to make things worse. She would barely speak to us and I was in fear constantly of her committing self harm or putting herself in unhealthy situations. Any efforts we made to help her were met with anger and resentment. The turnaround in our relationship after reading and implementing the strategies in this book was dramatic. I understood so much better how she perceives the world around her. We were able to help her feel more loved and accepted and that made such a difference to her. And that has allowed us to be able to help her navigate through some challenges. She still struggles, but things have definitely improved. I just wish I had known about dialectic behavioral therapy sooner. She's not willing take any skills classes at this point, but I think she would have been open to them as a younger teenager. I would recommend this book to anyone who has a loved one who struggles with intense emotions and the fallout that occurs as a result.

28 people found this helpful

Top reviews from other countries

Anna Altobelli

... gives the reader a tremendous insight into what it's like to live with a loved one who has BPD ...

Reviewed in Canada on July 19, 2017

Verified Purchase

This book gives the reader a tremendous insight into what it's like to live with a loved one who has BPD and how to effectively communicate and guide that person to become independent, self loving and motivated everyday. I recommend it to anyone wishing to understand this complex disorder.
A.

One person found this helpful

Michael Clarke

It truly is a 'light bulb' moment when one starts to really understand the extreme turmoil that your loved one with BPD is going through

Reviewed in Australia on June 6, 2018

Verified Purchase

Absolutely essential reading for anyone who has a friend or family member diagnosed with BPD. The book provides an authoritative account of one of the most misdiagnosed and misunderstood mental illnesses. Not necessary to read from page 1 onwards. Dip into the various sections to get essential detail for those aspects of BPD that you want to start understanding and then you can come back for more in-depth study. I bought a copy for each of my family. It truly is a 'light bulb' moment when one starts to really understand the extreme turmoil that your loved one with BPD is going through. No one can begin to imagine the intensity of the powerful emotions that they have to endure. However, this book discusses the most up to date and proven effective tools that one can apply in helping your loved on the journey to being able to manage BPD. Also one needs to research work produced by Dr Marsha Linehan, the leading expert on BPD and the effective treatment, Dr Linehan herself has BPD and has been able to manage it. Another good book is 'Walking on eggshells'. I hope that helps, if you know or have someone in your family diagnosed with BPD you need to make it your priority to learn as much accurate information (there is a lot of miss-information out there) about it as possible. The way you talk and express yourself to a person who suffers from BPD can be a major trigger to those extreme emotions that they experience, you can be so helpful in their journey by taking the trouble to learn about it. Don't just leave it to the therapist to sort it out. Hope that helps

One person found this helpful

Kirk

Informative

Reviewed in Canada on September 12, 2018

Verified Purchase

good guideline to someone with the disorder.

connie masson

excellent book

Reviewed in Canada on May 31, 2014

Verified Purchase

I have read many books on Borderline Personality Disorder, but this is the most up-to-date, with current research to help explain this complex disorder. Porr has many, many ideas of things to do that will help your relationship with a person with BPD. Anyone who has a person with BPD in their life needs this book.

5 people found this helpful

Wes Gill

Satisfied with Amazon Service

Reviewed in Canada on April 20, 2017

Verified Purchase

All went well. Satisfied with Amazon Service.

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