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Parenting With Love And Logic (Updated and Expanded Edition) Hardcover – April 19, 2006
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Parenting in a complicated world
Strategies to help you be the best parent you can be. See more
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From the Back Cover
About the Author
JIM FAY has thirty-one years on experience as an educator ans school principal. He is recognized as one of America's top educational consultants ans has won many awards in the educational field. He successfully guided his three children through their childhood and teen years using love and logic.
Top Customer Reviews
In general, I like the idea of natural consequences, enforcable choices, and encouraging children to think through their problems. I can see myself using these principles with my own daughter, but not always the way the authors do it. Some of the sample dialogues in the book are reasonable but many do not sound as genuine and empathetic as the authors imply.
Some of the examples in the book and in the "pearls" are making me very upset. In one case, a child has been neglecting her dog by not feeding it, so the mom just gives it away with no warning and without confronting the girl about it. The authors admit this is a really tough approach but that's how kids learn that unless you take care of your health and your animals serious illness or death can result. Now this sounds crazy to me. In our home, we think of pets as a family responsibility, so that might be one difference. Still, wouldn't it teach the girl more about empathy to sit her down and say "you can either come up with a schedule and feed the dog or we are giving it away, you have one week to improve." Why do these authors feel that giving someone a second chance is a bad thing? It seems this might teach her "if I don't fulfill my responsiblity, someone else will take care of it for me."
Another example is a mom who asked her son to do something and he mouths off and refuses. So the next day when he asks for a ride she says, yesterday you showed me that asking nicely can be ignored, so I'm not going to drive you to your activity, even though you asked nicely.Read more ›
My background: I am a linguist and cognitive scientist who advocates neurological nurturing and optimal brain health through parenting the sound, scientific way. I have a two year old, and I am a devoutly practicing Orthodox Christian. So note that when I say that I find this book lacking in the Christian principle of love, of treating others how one would like to be treated, and full of evangelical wrong-headedness. It is also chock-full of bad neurological strategies, and takes advantage of a child's dependence and immature brain structure by making them choose out of helplessness to the situation. This is dangerous stuff.
1. Chiming into the chorus - no innocent animal should ever be allowed to suffer; If we took the sound conclusion that the authors make elsewhere in the book, that warnings allow kids to know that they have stretch room in our discipline habits, and that we should avoid warnings and make a serious point to let kids know that unacceptable behavior has an immediate consequence, then the logical conclusion to come to is that if your kid can't take care of the dog they wanted, they have to find that dog (with help, of course) a loving and better home than the one they're providing...not withhold food from the dog. It's cruel, and the dog never deserved to have to suffer.Read more ›
I'm dismayed, though, by some of their "success" stories. A good many of them involve not letting the kid eat. Even a toddler is supposed to get the connection between having thrown food at the table and going hungry overnight. Is a 2-yr-old developmentally able to even process "I'm miserable because I'm hungry", let alone"I'm hungry because I chose not to behave at the table"? And as he ages, am I supposed to stay up all night, guarding the kitchen, to make sure he doesn't just fill up on junk food after he missed dinner playing his video game? What kind of consequence is that?
Another success story involved a 12-yr-old foster child who was left alone at a shopping center for 5 hours because, chronically late, he didn't make it to the agreed-upon meeting place when they were ready to leave. Is that even legal?
And what about misbehavior that doesn't always come with its own consequences? We've all heard of bullies who get away with tormenting others for years with no ill effects on their own lives. I'm supposed to mind my own business, sure that one day my son will wake up to his misdeeds, if I see him pounding on the smaller kids in the neighborhood? Sounds like a cop-out to me.
Most Recent Customer Reviews
Used this to raise responsible boys. They are in their 20s and are more successful and mature than their friends. They made mistakes but grew from them.Published 1 day ago by Travis
I was skeptical at first. The premise seemed flawed and much too simplistic. However, once I was able to start putting the program in place I real life, I was able to see just how... Read morePublished 6 days ago by grhardin
Great concepts that are much easier said than done. Might be best to read before having kids just to have a more calm approach from the beginningPublished 12 days ago by Amanda Gierke
Ordered several of this book for young parents I know. I've learned so much from this book.Published 19 days ago by CaliGrannie
I have to say i thought it was a bit remedial at first but was easiky abke to relate and identify with the "type" of parent i am and also maybe even relieved that although... Read morePublished 27 days ago by Harleygirlz