- Paperback: 243 pages
- Publisher: Vantage Press (December 1, 2006)
- Language: English
- ISBN-10: 0533153220
- ISBN-13: 978-0533153220
- Product Dimensions: 5.9 x 0.8 x 8.9 inches
- Shipping Weight: 14.9 ounces
- Average Customer Review: 4.0 out of 5 stars See all reviews (13 customer reviews)
- Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,142,464 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
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Parenting Other People's Children: Understanding and Repairing Reactive Attachment Disorder Paperback – December 1, 2006
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Top Customer Reviews
If you are thinking about adopting an older child, interested in Reactive Attachment Disorder, becoming a foster parent then this book should be required reading. It's concrete, its not written for therapists although they would benefit from reading it and it puts everything together. What a huge relief it was to receive this book!
Also, the author is an amateur at psychology. Bright, sincere, experienced, well-meaning, and well-read. But still an amateur. His hubris in blasting the whole field of psychology is unfair and uninformed. He never met my kid's counselor.
On a constructive criticism level, I felt the book jumped around a wee bit - the flow could have been better. His 'repair cycle' makes absolute sense and is easy to relate to. I was almost immediately able to start using it with my step-daughter once I had put the book down, which is wonderful. I enjoyed the last third of the book most, where there was practical information, advice and examples. Having said that, the first part of the book is necessary to fully understand the last - but came across as incredibly scientific in parts - I had to re-read sentences a few times to get the full gist (but was glad I made the effort). He made the comment fairly early in the text that this book would mainly apply to the 'aggressive' type of RAD kids. My stepdaughter isn't the aggressive type per se, so when I read that, my heart sank a bit. I perservered however and found that the book contained sensational information and scenarios which absolutely could have been written about her - so perhaps he need not have written that sentence - it could put people off, which would be a massive shame...
I'm going to read more books on this (which Mr Stoller advises too), so that I can become more fully aware of it - it seems the only way to get on top of it and to ensure positive change in my step-daughter.
Reactive Attachment Disorder is a hellishly destructive and difficult thing to live with, particularly if the child is not your own and the circumstances which created the disorder are not of your own making. I discovered that that was the name for the hell I was living with through, believe it or not, a Facebook group I started. A kind soul in New York read a few of my posts and found they resonated with her own dire experiences (The Reactive Attachment Disorder symptoms my step-daughter exhibits include but are not limited to: incredibly controlling behaviour, expert manipulation including trying to set my husband against each other, pants wetting for attention even during the last year - she's 9 now, smearing excrement all over the bathroom, having no pride in herself, being shallow, having no empathy, not using her intellect at school, unable to form meaningful bonds with people or things, narcissism, highly inappropriate sexual behaviour, indiscriminately friendly with adults she barely knows, messy, unhygienic, puerile, hyperactivity, superficially charming, oppositional, dishonest. I could go on but I'm sure this paints a picture...). She sent me a link which I read and immediately got the sense that I was onto something. I have been researching this ever since, have educated my husband to it, have located a local child psychologist who is au fait with this disorder and is now consulting with my step-daughter regularly and generally feel better because for me, understanding something is more than half the battle. Life with my step-daughter continues to be a challenge of course, but armed with my new knowledge, I know not to take her often appalling behaviour personally.