Parenting Your Out-of-Control Teenager: 7 Steps to Reestablish Authority and Reclaim Love Paperback – October 11, 2002

If you are reading this review, I give you a virtual pat on the shoulder and a hum of sympathy. I know how frustrated and hopeless you and your teen are feeling right now. You are probably feeling like a failure as a parent, and your teen thinks that everyone in the house is convinced that he/she is a monster. I've been there and I want to give you both hope. This book was a game changer for my relationship with my daughter. I read over 30 parenting books, desperately trying to find a way to love my teen through her difficulties, and this was one of two books that completely changed our relationship for the better. Here's what it gave to me: the ability to parent with loving detachment so that I no longer had to yell, lecture, or otherwise make my daughter feel like crap for the bad choices she was making. It allowed me to separate the behavior from the child so that I could love her unconditionally and still help her deal with the fallout from her behaviors.

This book provides a very structured process so be prepared to work! There are extremely detailed contracts to be written and plans (with multiple contingencies) to be created. You're going to need to hustle-up a support team too. Does this sound different and radical from every other parenting book you've read? Of course it does. You and your child's situation is radical in nature and the typical parenting advice just isn't going to cut it here. You are going to put in the work for a short, intense period of time because you know that, once the paradigm shifts for the better, which it will if you use this book with fidelity, you will have a healthy, improved relationship with your child and more peace in the house (I can hear your teen's siblings cheering now!).

The book is also lovely in the way it helps the parent realize how hard it is for these teens, who deal with so much negativity on a daily basis. One of the steps that the book suggests is to write down positive things about your child on sticky notes and put them up on a wall of your house. I made a goal of putting up at least three positive sticky notes each day and before long we had a big, beautiful wall of nice things that was the first thing we saw when we walked into the kitchen (I used star and butterfly shaped sticky notes for added visual impact). Did my teen roll her eyes each time I put one of those sticky notes up on the wall? You betcha she did. And yet, when one fell off the wall onto the floor, she picked it up and put it back up (without realizing that I saw her do it). That wall was ostensibly for her, but it also helped me. Each time I started to feel hopeless or feel that my child was, in fact, a heartless monster, I would go and stand at the wall and read everything I had written and then I would remember, "huh, that's right, she is pretty awesome." The best part: one day I noticed that she had put one up about me!

What was the outcome from this book: we went from multiple conflicts a day to maybe one to two conflicts a month. We're both so much happier. We even like each other again! Turns out that the extreme structure that this book helped me implement was what she needed the most. And it gave me the kick in the butt I needed to rev up my emotional intelligence and start being a better role model for her. I highly recommend this book to everyone with an "out of control" child and hope that you and your teen find as much success through it that we did.

For the parents with challenging teens this book is greatly helpful. Did not use all his recommendations- each teen is different. This book was highly recommended by our family counselor- she assisted us which was so helpful. She too did not use all the techniques. We would not of been so successful without her encouraging us to follow the steps. Do not let your teen know about the book. Our son was headed down a sad path - he is really doing great now. I also, want to give credit to having a circle of friends that prayed and loved our son- God works through using lots of people. People who need people are the luckiest people in the world. It's an old book - but it works.

This book is meant to go with a class and a counselor. The basic premise is to shorten consequence and reward intervals using a contract. For example we can no longer ground our teen for a week or two weeks, if he breaks the contract he loses the ability to go to friends house for a day only - still keeps video games, phone tv etc... If he can string together 5 days he gets entire bag of candy - two weeks and I have to give him 30 bucks. Yet, behaviors not on the contract (his contract is in regards to running away and not being where is supposed to be) such as cussing out the bus driver do not affect his getting a reward. In other words, he can still get rewards when he is a total jerk to everyone, and because of the bus driver incident he was kicked off the bus for the rest of the year - which punishes my wife who now has to get the little ones up and dressed earlier so she can take the him to school. If you have tried everything else, this may work for you - just be prepared, it will not fit typical parenting styles.

This book was extremely helpful in regaining my sanity with my out of control teenager who was drunk with power. There are many helpful suggestions on how to take back control in your household. I really appreciated the insight this book gives on understanding why my teen was acting up, how my husband and I contributed and how to fix it. Non violent, non abusive ways to regain your power and authority in your own household!

A Book every parent should read - before they NEED to read it! It should go home with every parent when they take the baby home for the first time.

I have used this book and Dr. Sells suggestions with parents for five years. This book explains how problems develop with teens, practical suggestions on how to stop the problems and the book also covers the topic on how to heal and improve the relationships between parents and teens that are out of control. Parents: It is best to read the entire book before you start enforcing contracts with the teens.

very pleased with item arrived as described. thank you

Dr. Scott Sells material is excellent and superior. Readable, applicable, relevant, and workable. The chapter on writing air tight behavior contracts for your child is the best around. Even if your child isn't "out of control", the transcendent principles in this work are of great use.