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on September 9, 2013
A friend and colleague highly recommended this book. I am glad I followed through in getting my own copy. This makes us aware of our own shortcomings and old behavior patterns when we usually just see the faults of our spouse. I have used these concepts not only in my own marriage of over 40 years, but also in professional marriage counseling, which is part of my job.
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on October 15, 2008
I bought this book and another marital self-help book at the same time. I'm happy I read this book second because the first book caused more damage then good, better to have the trouble out of the way first.

While reading this book, I saw a lot of my own marriage in the characters. It was odd yet left me feeling hopeful to see that other marriages are going through almost the exact problems my marriage is going through. I could relate to a lot of what was said in this book. I was so happy to see the word I've been looking for to tell my husband how I've been feeling and that is a loss of connection at times when I really need to have him present with me in the moment. At the same time I loved the authors ideas on self-differentiation. It's exactly what I needed and explained what I've been going through the past 8 years of our 10 year marriage.

The authors style of writing is very educated and I did have to pick up a dictionary a couple times to understand what he was saying but it was so worth it. I loved how he kept you hanging while reading this book by hooking you in with phrases like "I'll talk more about that at the end of the chapter" which of course meant I wasn't putting the book down until I got to the end of the chapter.

You do have to be an adult in a maturity sort of way to read this book. There are some explicit erotic pages that helped you connect and relate to the characters he was portraying.

My husband is now reading this book, and I plan on reading it again and also looking for more works by this author.
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on November 29, 2014
A great tool for anyone emotionally ready to grow as an individual and go deeper as a couple. If you are a christian, you have to not be offended by the fact that the author believes in evolution and uses some profanity. Put that aside and focus on the benefit of learning how to have a healthy, intimate relationship.
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on November 13, 2014
This is a very informative book. It has really opened my eyes about relationships, and what went wrong with my marriage. the author tends to be a little wordy though, so I find myself having to re-read parts of the book. But I would definitely recommend reading this, even if you aren't married.
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on November 13, 2016
Excellent, extremely helpful and insightful book. I learned so much about how to grow.
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on January 1, 2014
This text was a great buy, and of all of the other books I bought and read for my Marriage and Family Therapy counseling class, this is by far my favorite. Schnarch has a fantastically intriguing view on couples/relationships, I highly recommend checking out.

Also required for the course:
Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples, 20th Anniversary Edition
The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide
Family Therapy: Concepts & Methods
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on July 26, 2012
I found this book to be very insightful, controversial in places and at times startlingly frank. You must be comfortable reading about various sexual difficulties in plain language however the book offers much more and I for one will be re reading it to ensure the key relevant messages are firmly established in my mind. This is not as theoretical as some of the books on marriage however it is based on real world experience of the author in a therapy situation. If you are struggling to find some answers this book should be on your reading list.
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on January 22, 2017
“Great book! I use it all the time in my work" – David Lawson, Relationship Counsellor and Coach, Finding the Light Counselling & Coaching
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on January 9, 2015
Eye-opening observations on how people interact in their intimate relationships and how taking responsibility for oneself can totally transform the quality of interactions with others.
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on October 17, 2013
David Schnarch provides a nuts and bolts approach to the inner workings of commited relationships. It is a balanced approach looking at the interactions of couples holisticly. The ideas he introduces asking us to hold on to ourselves and to just learn to be "nice" to each other are impressive and opened my mind to a better way of thinking about my attitude to commitment.
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