Patricia Cotter-Busbee

Q & A with Patricia Cotter-Busbee

Your new hybrid fiction REMEDIES is beautifully done, a moving story, plus it's highly unique. Tell us about your decision to write this book as a thinly disguised autobiography?

I wrestled with my family stories--which ones to tell and how much to reveal. Every time I began writing the words started to look like miniature neon signs pointing out the craziness that is my family. I am an extremely private person but I write with my veins open. I get caught in-between these two realities. Eventually I got out of my own way and a deeper aspect of myself overrode the warning system going off inside me. I am always disturbed and surprised but what manages to make itself onto the page. I feel more comfortable imagining a thin veil separating reality and imagination.

Was this your thesis for a MFA at Goddard and how long did you work on your manuscript?

Yes. "Remedies" was my thesis. It took close to three years to finish. The original was well over three hundred pages and looks nothing like the current incarnation. I applied to Goddard with a fleshed out plan. I wanted to write a memoir. I spent the first year and a half fighting myself--trying to control what I wrote. I kept circling around the writing unable to get to the center. I became lost in a labyrinth of creativity and fear. I have since learned that my writing has energy of its own. After endless attempts I finally surrendered to it.

What a unique way to format your book, with the chapter on top and the "remedy" or a recipe or a unique phrase (like a Cherokee formula) on the last line. How did this creative idea come about?

I was lucky enough to have Selah Saterstrom as an advisor at Goddard. She has mastered the art of hybridity. Prior to meeting Selah I kept trying to make my work fit into a traditional memoir--a collection of essays--some sort of something that was recognizable. It just didn't happen. Selah encouraged me to think about the blank spaces on the page--the shape of my work. She told me to describe my book as an image. I kept "seeing" a circular room with lots of doors. The imagery helped as the writing is very circular--beginning and endings are tied up together. I started to imagine the book differently--more fully. This process assisted me in deciding what to allow on the page."Remedies" is about family dynamics-- specifically mother daughter dynamics. I decided that folklore and family-lore best served what I was trying to portray. I have always loved folklore and family-lore. I think this is because I lack family stories from my biological family. I have charts, genealogical information and documents but not a lot of family stories. As a writer and especially as an adoptee I long for the stories. I think this was my way of making some sort of peace--by using snippets--word snapshots that framed the insanity of the situation. The shortness also speaks to the fact I didn't have much information. As an image oriented person I tend to think in collage--I know that's odd but it's the best way to describe my process. I am very drawn to the idea of adding imagery, music, thoughts and such to my writing. It creates a layered effect that resonates with me. You can say a lot with just a few words.

You wove a family history of five generations of women in REMEDIES - and you discovered your ancestry is Shawnee-Cherokee and European. How has this affected you?

I discovered this days before my final manuscript was due to be sent to my advisors. I had just returned from a trip to Ireland. I believed myself to be Irish. As a child I was assigned a heritage that was false. I am Welsh & German. I am also Shawnee & Cherokee on my father's side. I was getting ready to end the manuscript with my trip to Ireland and then Native American documents kept showing up in my email. They were in response to ongoing research work. At first I didn't believe they were accurate or that they had anything to do with my family search. I have red hair and freckles. I contacted a professional genealogist. He confirmed that the documents were correct. Learning this was shocking. I'm not upset over Native ancestry. I'm disturbed because all the core things I knew and believed about myself were not true. The gaps in my birth story and history were filled in with made up tales. Lies. Growing up I latched onto the idea I was Irish. I did this because I never felt like I fit with my adopted family. I loved them but this was not where I belonged. I knew that one day I would locate my "real family--my Irish family" and we would be reunited. I experienced it like the foundation collapsed underneath me. I am still scrambling to play catch up--something I will be doing the rest of my life. I am learning everything I can about Native culture, Native literature-Native adoptees--my biological family. Educating myself helps but it feels like I am examining aspects of myself under a microscope--using a different process--one that is not natural--or second best in-order to understand where I came from. It's like taking a clinical approach to matters of the heart and soul. I feel buffered from my own reality.

What was the hardest "truth" you have had to face as a Native adoptee?

There is more than one hard truth. Both my biological mother and father were deceased. Our first meeting took place in a graveyard. I have siblings that have no interest in connecting with me. These are emotional hardships. But beyond these "hardships" is the realization I was raised outside of a culture. I continue to feel like I don't "fit" anywhere. There is always this sense of being an outsider in my own life. At least I understand where these feelings originated.

You write about your amazing adoption journey (and you are the co-editor of the new anthology TWO WORLDS: Lost Children of the Indian Adoption Projects), which is also a profound piece of your memoir writing. What needs to happen for all these lost children, the adoptees?

I am deeply grateful for having the opportunity to work on this project as it came at a time that I was going through my own healing process. Healing isn't really the right word. I don't think I will ever heal. It's a matter of learning how to walk with my reality--accept and integrate it as part of my life-story. Living in-between two cultures--or in one but not in the other or disconnected from both causes splitting. Split feathers. Adoption is very complicated. It takes so much more than love or the "proper financial resources." Trans-racial adoptions are even more complicated. Being stripped of family history and cultural is extremely damaging. The laws need to be changed and made easier for adoptees. I understand wanting to protect "biological parents rights" but only to a certain extent. What about the rights of the adoptees? Every human being has the right to know their lineage--where they came from! Adoptions affect generations not just the biological mother and child. Locating your family is life altering. Support for both the adoptee and for the families that lost their children is essential. In my opinion the entire adoption process needs to be rethought, examined and reworked. And the devastation needs to be addressed. It is not expectable to wipe away personal history and identity. We need to continue to have discussions about why poor families, families of color and Native American families have their children removed from their care in the first place. This is very much at the heart of adoption and it needs to be exposed. I also think there is a need for long term education, therapy and support for all involved. Integrating two worlds is challenging at best--and different for each adoptee and their biological family.

Are you working on a new book and can you share what is it about?

Yes, I am working on a sequel to "Remedies." "Forty-Four Houses" is the working title. I am very excited about this next project, as I have uncovered a lot more information and stories regarding my biological family. I already have a sense of the flow, feel and layout of the book. I am dreaming about it at night. This project is starting to become an obsession and it is coming together a lot quicker than Remedies. I hope to have it ready for publication by early fall.

Please let us know how to follow your blog.

www.patriciabusbee.me

Can we like REMEDIES on Facebook?

Yes, please do. https://www.facebook.com/RemediesPatriciaBusbee

REMEDIES © 2013 was published by Blue Hand Books, a collective of Native American authors who guide and assist other Native writers to publish their paperbacks and ebooks using PressBooks and Amazon's Create Space. They are based in western Massachusetts. Visit their blog at www.bluehandbooks.blogspot.com. Visit their website: www.bluehandbooks.com.