- File Size: 741 KB
- Print Length: 306 pages
- Publisher: TarcherPerigee (November 27, 2012)
- Publication Date: November 27, 2012
- Sold by: Penguin Group (USA) LLC
- Language: English
- ASIN: B008JHXOOK
- Text-to-Speech: Enabled
- Word Wise: Enabled
- Lending: Not Enabled
- Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #23,454 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)
|Print List Price:||$17.00|
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Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting (The Peaceful Parent Series) Kindle Edition
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|Length: 306 pages||Word Wise: Enabled||Enhanced Typesetting: Enabled|
|Page Flip: Enabled||
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|Age Level: 18 and up|
|Grade Level: 12 and up|
- Part of: The Peaceful Parent Series (2 Books)
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About the Author
Xe Sands is an award-winning narrator known for her authentic characterizations and intimate delivery. She has more than a decade of experience bringing stories to life through narration, performance, and visual art, and she has been recognized for her engaging romance narrations. --This text refers to the mp3_cd edition.
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A little background on us: I have been struggling with my 2 year old daughter. She is very high needs, she is very stubborn and extremely intelligent. Add her constantly not feeling well from ear infections and eventually a perforated ear drum from tube malfunction, she was just rotten. A few months ago we were headed down an awful road. Tantrums every night, timeouts, me frustrated and angry and feeling like I've been through a war every night after she finally went to sleep. I cried everyday, I loved her but nothing was working, I didn't want to be THAT parent that broke her spirit but she wasn't listening to anything I said, she was getting violent, throwing things, hitting, just all around angry. I started reading this book out of sheer desperation, I was lost and felt completely alone and the ultimate failure. In the few weeks I've started the practices in this book, both Lise and I have done a 180. The tantrums are few and far between, and when they are there, they are short and very manageable. Lise has become affectionate with both her daddy and I. She freely gives kisses and hugs when before she refused any affection. She listens to what I say, she has started playing by herself and not demanding my attention 24/7. It's crazy and wonderful, I understand her feelings better and she's getting better at expressing whats going on and even more, handling her emotions and working through them herself. I just can't say enough, time outs, spanking all that is completely gone in our house. Even the word NO is very rarely used. Lise has started understanding and respecting our limits with little to no toddler stubbornness. She wants to make us happy and I can literally see the confidence building in her. Things aren't perfect, but they are absolutely better.
At first reading this book, I was like um, no, there is no way that this could work. My wild child will walk all over me when I start this so called "love" parenting. But as I mentioned, I was desperate. I didn't want to spank her, I didn't want to drag her kicking and screaming to timeout, I didn't want to isolate her or be constantly telling her no she can't do that, no she can't do this, no, no, no. I knew deep down what I was doing wasn't right regardless of what family members suggested based on their experiences. They told me to come down hard on her now or she will only get worse. I was angry, she was angry, we both had no idea what to expect from each other that day, so we both went into the day guarded and short tempered. I knew I loved her dearly, and I tried my best to try the old school parenting practices with her but it was only making her worse. Yes, she listened most of the time based on threats when we were out in public or at someones house, but I now know that was only because I was humiliating her and would've done it further by spanking her or forcing timeout in front of people she simply wanted to interact with. I know what you are thinking, she is only 2, 2 year olds don't think on that level, but mine does. I can't speak for yours. Once I'd bring her home, the "old school" practices would break down, and I would be forced to yell, time out, and spank. Tantrums would be hours long, kicking, screaming (screaming on both of our parts) and hitting. The child lived in time out. It simply wasn't working. I was desperate for any alternative, and i thought, well, she is already unmanageable, what more could this do...So I started doing little things as I read them in the book. Before I was even done, I saw changes in her. Dramatic changes. I'm currently on my second round reading it. She wants to listen to us, yes she is a toddler, but often with a simple compromise, or a promise (that is ALWAYS kept on my part) to come back when time allows for whatever activity she is involved in, we can get through just about anything without screaming, or acting like a wild child. We understand each other so much better, we talk, we laugh, we have a blast together...I look forward to continuing this peaceful approach for the rest of her life. I'm sure there will be breakdowns, yelling, but I'm confident that we can work through just about anything together.
Thank you so much Dr. Markham.
Top international reviews
I started reading this book when I had been on holiday and my 2 year old was acting up a lot, and my sister in law who was very well meaning put my son in timeout (with my consent). I had never administered that kind of punishment before and was interested in seeing how she did it as she's a mother of 3 generally well behaved kids. However, after doing it a few times while on holiday and then at home, I got the growing sense that a) it wasn't working and b) it felt wrong. My son looked at me differently, he ran to daddy instead of me and he was acting out MORE. I decided punishment might be something we do but not at this age and not in this manner.
Since reading the book I've stopped yelling at my son and spent a lot more 1 on 1 concentrated time with him on a daily basis. I have always been a mom who loves to show physical affection to my son but I wasn't always willing to play with him, preferring to leave that to his dad. Since I started spending more time focusing just on him, I've noticed his behavior has MARKEDLY improved. There's definitely something to the philosophies in the book which can help.
You will feel horribly guilty while reading this. It's full of shame. I almost ripped a page out when she said that sleep trained kids are damaged. Because it's just that simple! (Sarcasm)... And there's loads of research that contradicts what she writes about sleep training and that's just one tiny page of this book. So when she says things like "research shows" take it with a grain of salt.
I comforted, let them cry, communicated that it's ok to cry and to feel all these emotions even though they don't feel good, it's better to cry them out and release them.
Both released their emotions with me, settled back down and grounded once again.
I have worked on myself more than anything this past week, and everything this book suggests works for myself and so far with the two I've been actively changing my parenting with.
Peaceful mom is occurring.... And boy Was it needed. Everyday is another day to connect. It's working.