Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting (The Peaceful Parent Series) Paperback – November 28, 2012

Is this book for you? Let me state some questions, each one a little harder than the last. Is your child under the age of 6? If yes, then this book will probably work, if older, I'd really suggest a book for older kids. Are you at your wits end with the yelling, fighting at every turn and constant nagging to get simple things done with your child? If yes, then maybe this book IS for you. Have you noticed your current parenting methods are simply not working? If yes, then possibly, this book is for you. Lastly, the hardest question of all, are you willing to admit that you are most likely the biggest part of the problem with your child's misbehavior? If you can answer this question yes, then this book WILL work for you. But it does require you to dig deep and examine your own past, your own feelings, and your own problems and accept and work to fix them before your child will ever respond to these practices in the book.
A little background on us: I have been struggling with my 2 year old daughter. She is very high needs, she is very stubborn and extremely intelligent. Add her constantly not feeling well from ear infections and eventually a perforated ear drum from tube malfunction, she was just rotten. A few months ago we were headed down an awful road. Tantrums every night, timeouts, me frustrated and angry and feeling like I've been through a war every night after she finally went to sleep. I cried everyday, I loved her but nothing was working, I didn't want to be THAT parent that broke her spirit but she wasn't listening to anything I said, she was getting violent, throwing things, hitting, just all around angry. I started reading this book out of sheer desperation, I was lost and felt completely alone and the ultimate failure. In the few weeks I've started the practices in this book, both Lise and I have done a 180. The tantrums are few and far between, and when they are there, they are short and very manageable. Lise has become affectionate with both her daddy and I. She freely gives kisses and hugs when before she refused any affection. She listens to what I say, she has started playing by herself and not demanding my attention 24/7. It's crazy and wonderful, I understand her feelings better and she's getting better at expressing whats going on and even more, handling her emotions and working through them herself. I just can't say enough, time outs, spanking all that is completely gone in our house. Even the word NO is very rarely used. Lise has started understanding and respecting our limits with little to no toddler stubbornness. She wants to make us happy and I can literally see the confidence building in her. Things aren't perfect, but they are absolutely better.
At first reading this book, I was like um, no, there is no way that this could work. My wild child will walk all over me when I start this so called "love" parenting. But as I mentioned, I was desperate. I didn't want to spank her, I didn't want to drag her kicking and screaming to timeout, I didn't want to isolate her or be constantly telling her no she can't do that, no she can't do this, no, no, no. I knew deep down what I was doing wasn't right regardless of what family members suggested based on their experiences. They told me to come down hard on her now or she will only get worse. I was angry, she was angry, we both had no idea what to expect from each other that day, so we both went into the day guarded and short tempered. I knew I loved her dearly, and I tried my best to try the old school parenting practices with her but it was only making her worse. Yes, she listened most of the time based on threats when we were out in public or at someones house, but I now know that was only because I was humiliating her and would've done it further by spanking her or forcing timeout in front of people she simply wanted to interact with. I know what you are thinking, she is only 2, 2 year olds don't think on that level, but mine does. I can't speak for yours. Once I'd bring her home, the "old school" practices would break down, and I would be forced to yell, time out, and spank. Tantrums would be hours long, kicking, screaming (screaming on both of our parts) and hitting. The child lived in time out. It simply wasn't working. I was desperate for any alternative, and i thought, well, she is already unmanageable, what more could this do...So I started doing little things as I read them in the book. Before I was even done, I saw changes in her. Dramatic changes. I'm currently on my second round reading it. She wants to listen to us, yes she is a toddler, but often with a simple compromise, or a promise (that is ALWAYS kept on my part) to come back when time allows for whatever activity she is involved in, we can get through just about anything without screaming, or acting like a wild child. We understand each other so much better, we talk, we laugh, we have a blast together...I look forward to continuing this peaceful approach for the rest of her life. I'm sure there will be breakdowns, yelling, but I'm confident that we can work through just about anything together.

Like my father and his father before him, I was an angry dad. Like my wife's mother and grandmother, my wife was controlling and touchy. Our three kids (13, 11, & 9) were inflicted with our poor parenting and things were getting worse. After a dramatic event at home, I sought knowledge. I found Dr. Markham's blog and read and read and read some more. My wife and I sought out a good counselor to speak with. And I bought this excellent book. Three months later, we have peace in our houme. We are now better parents and getting better all the time. The book sits on my nightstand and even just reading the cover is a comfort and a guide. Stop yelling. Start connecting. It is a JOY.

Thank you so much Dr. Markham.

Thank you.

Thank you.

This book is eveything I ever hoped for. I grew up in a household where I was constantly yelled at for discipline. As a child, I early on started yelling back at my parents and always hated it, wanting to stop and not knowing how. Then as a parent I saw myself yelling at my daughter, not knowing what to do. I texted a friend asking for a good recommendation on a parenting book and she immediately recommended this one. From there my life has completely changed. Within months I was able to go from yelling multiple times a day to yelling maybe once a month (and forgiving myself for the slip-ups!). I love parenting. I'm constantly connecting with my daughter and really seeing the joys of raising a child. I went from dreading parenting to enjoying being a stay-at-home mom. My daughter (at 2) can now begin to solve her own problems with gentle guidance. She pinpoints her emotions and is empathetic when I feel sad or frustrated as well. What I adore is that the book is based on studies, not just the author's opinion. As I studied Human Development in college, this really appeals to my science-minded mentality. I am so thankful I was recommended this book when my daughter was still very young. My whole family is more peaceful and happier. I cannot even express in words the difference this book made in loving and caring for my child and in loving myself. I only hope it can help your family as much as it helped mine.

100% changed my parenting style and improved my children's behavior immediately. I wish I would have read this earlier.....

I started reading this about 3 wks ago and have seen dramatic, positive change in my relationship w/ my 6 yr old daughter. This helped me identify where I could be better as a parent as far as controlling my own emotions, and how to help her work through her emotions in a positive way. I liked that it wasn't just conceptual, but gave very clear actions that I could implement. Really great for overcoming power struggles and control issues.

How helpful you find this book depends how how you were parented. If, like me, you had a narcissistic, drama-queen mother that took offense to everything, then you will find this book is for you! If your parents actually taught you how to be good parents, then the information in here would be obvious and unnecessary, and I would not recommend it. As Dr. Markham noted, "...most of what we call parenting doesn't take place between a parent and child but within the parent."