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Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting (The Peaceful Parent Series) Paperback – November 28, 2012
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Based on the latest research on brain development and extensive clinical experience with parents, Dr. Laura Markham’s approach is as simple as it is effective. Her message: Fostering emotional connection with your child creates real and lasting change. When you have that vital connection, you don’t need to threaten, nag, plead, bribe—or even punish.
This remarkable guide will help parents better understand their own emotions—and get them in check—so they can parent with healthy limits, empathy, and clear communication to raise a self-disciplined child. Step-by-step examples give solutions and kid-tested phrasing for parents of toddlers right through the elementary years.
If you’re tired of power struggles, tantrums, and searching for the right “consequence,” look no further. You’re about to discover the practical tools you need to transform your parenting in a positive, proven way.
- Print length304 pages
- LanguageEnglish
- PublisherTarcherPerigee
- Publication dateNovember 28, 2012
- Dimensions5.5 x 0.8 x 8.2 inches
- ISBN-100399160280
- ISBN-13978-0399160288
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Editorial Reviews
Review
—Elizabeth Pantley, author of twelve parenting books including The No Cry Sleep Solution
“If you want to declare peace in your home, follow Dr. Laura Markham's original and authentic advice. With her emphasis on taking responsibility for our own emotional states as parents and connecting rather than controlling, Dr. Laura offers us suggestions that help us to create strong relationships with our children. If we all followed Dr. Laura's advice, we would indeed change the world."
—Peggy O'Mara, Founder of Mothering.com
“If you’re a parent who has been trying hard with your child, with mixed results, read this book. Peaceful Parents, Happy Kids can change your parenting life. Dr. Laura Markham shares an invaluable set of insights that are new to the world of parenting. She will show you how to deliver your love and guidance in a truly nurturing way, and how to avoid parental burn-out in the process.”
—Patty Wipfler, Founder of Hand-in-Hand.org
"The Aha! moment in Dr. Laura Markham's Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids is that attachment isn't just for babies. Attachment provides the foundation for the growing child to learn emotional intelligence, empathy, and responsibility while he masters his environment. Dr. Laura teaches by example, holding parents with compassion as she gives them priceless, easy to use strategies to create a secure, healthy attachment with their child.”
—Lysa Parker & Barbara Nicholson, Founders of Attachment Parenting International, and authors of Attached at the Heart
"Dr. Laura shows parents how their empathy can wire their child's brain for emotional regulation and happiness -- and a brighter future for humanity. Her understanding and knowledge of the many challenges of raising loving, compassionate children gives parents powerful tools to be the best that they can be. A simple, yet revolutionary, message of love."
—Nancy Samalin, M.S, author of Loving Without Spoiling
“Peaceful Parents, Happy Kids has two important ideas, and one revolutionary idea. Dr. Laura Markham’s guidance on fostering connection and coaching instead of controlling are the important ideas, and they can make a huge difference in your life as a parent. Her explanation of why parents need to regulate ourselves first—before we can help regulate our children--is the revolutionary idea. Read it and you’ll see why she calls her work ‘Aha! Parenting.’”
—Lawrence J. Cohen, PhD, author of Playful Parenting
“Dr. Laura Markham's work is practical, easy-to-apply and transformative. Get a cup of coffee, find a comfy chair, and be prepared to get great advice from a wise, new friend and fellow parent.”
—Jacqueline Green, Host of the Great Parenting Show
“A much-needed resource for parents….encouragement and actionable, doable, advice for parents to strengthen their connection with their children, and take care of themselves. Clearly helps parents to see how what they are doing today impacts and influences what happens tomorrow, yet the tone is gentle and non-judgmental. Such a user-friendly format for (often) weary parents.”
—Lisa Sunbury, RegardingBaby.org
“Parents, this is the book we've all been waiting for. Dr. Laura Markham’s compassion, wisdom, common sense, love and understanding radiates in each carefully chosen word, example and suggestion throughout this well-written, easy-to-read, delicious book on peaceful parenting. From her chapter on effectively managing anger, ‘Listen to your anger, rather than act on it,’ to my favorite quote, ‘Your child is acting like a child because he is one,’ you’ll know you’ve found your parenting bible. Thank you, Dr. Markham.”
— Rev. Susan Nason, Parent Educator and Consultant
About the Author
Product details
- Publisher : TarcherPerigee; 48181st edition (November 28, 2012)
- Language : English
- Paperback : 304 pages
- ISBN-10 : 0399160280
- ISBN-13 : 978-0399160288
- Item Weight : 2.31 pounds
- Dimensions : 5.5 x 0.8 x 8.2 inches
- Best Sellers Rank: #12,522 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #28 in Family Conflict Resolution
- #30 in Parenting Boys
- #47 in Conflict Management
- Customer Reviews:
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About the author

Dr. Laura Markham trained as a Clinical Psychologist at Columbia University, but she's also a mom, so she understands kids -- and parents! She uses her Ph.D. to translate proven science and child-development research into the practical solutions you need for the family life you want.
She is the author of three best-selling books that continue to rack up 5 star reviews, attesting to the power of her relationship-based approach to parenting. They have been translated into 25 languages:
Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting
Peaceful Parent, Happy Siblings: How to Stop the Fighting and Raise Friends for Life
Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids WORKBOOK
Dr. Markham's relationship-based parenting model, which she calls Peaceful Parenting, is rooted in research and parent-tested. She's helped thousands of families across the U.S. and Canada find transformative solutions to everything from separation anxiety and sleep problems to sass talk and cell phones. Her work stands apart because of the unique integration of clear, evidence-based theory and go-to practical effectiveness that guides parents into more peaceful, loving and joyful connection with their children.
Join 130,000 other parents to receive Dr. Laura's free weekly Parenting Tips newsletter, which you can sign up for at the bottom of any page on her extensive Peaceful Parent Happy Kids website. Dr. Markham makes frequent TV and radio appearances and has been interviewed for thousands of articles by publications as diverse as The Wall Street Journal, The New York Times, Real Simple, Newsday, Men's Health, Redbook and Parents Magazine.
She lives in Brooklyn, New York and is the proud parent of two happy, kind, responsible and accomplished young adults who were raised with Peaceful Parenting.
Customer reviews
Customer Reviews, including Product Star Ratings help customers to learn more about the product and decide whether it is the right product for them.
To calculate the overall star rating and percentage breakdown by star, we don’t use a simple average. Instead, our system considers things like how recent a review is and if the reviewer bought the item on Amazon. It also analyzed reviews to verify trustworthiness.
Learn more how customers reviews work on AmazonCustomers say
Customers find the advice in the book practical and amazing. They describe the content as wonderful, great, and comforting. Readers mention the book provides simple ways to calm themselves and their children. Additionally, they describe the content as engaging, empowering, and inspiring.
AI-generated from the text of customer reviews
Customers find the advice in the book practical, easy to read, and explains much. They mention it helps put the situation in perspective and take a deep breath. Readers also appreciate the fantastic mix of case studies, psychology, and specific cases. Overall, they say the book has transformed their way of parenting using evidence-based research and action guides.
"...few and far between, and when they are there, they are short and very manageable...." Read more
"Every parent should read this book.It's awesome and helpful.This book helps me calm down, refocus, and reconnect...." Read more
"...This book lays it all out in a very clear way, using evidence-based research and action guides...." Read more
"...This book saved me as parent, saved me as a human...." Read more
Customers find the book wonderful, easy to read, and well-organized. They say the content is clear and obvious. Readers also mention the book contains sound advice.
"...It's crazy and wonderful, I understand her feelings better and she's getting better at expressing whats going on and even more, handling her..." Read more
"Every parent should read this book.It's awesome and helpful.This book helps me calm down, refocus, and reconnect...." Read more
"...Once I started reading the book it all seemed so clear and obvious: treat your kids as you would like to be treated, use empathy and kindness, while..." Read more
"Dr. Markham's books is a great read. She writes in easy-to-understand language...." Read more
Customers find the book calming and reassuring. They say it provides simple ways to calm themselves and their children, reconnect, and remember what's important. Readers also mention the book helps parents remain calm, which is clearly crucial to good parenting.
"...The tantrums are few and far between, and when they are there, they are short and very manageable...." Read more
"...It's awesome and helpful.This book helps me calm down, refocus, and reconnect...." Read more
"...1. She does make a good point about calming yourself, healing your own demons, and not yelling, that I think would be useful for a parent who is a..." Read more
"...Emotional coaching not controlling...." Read more
Customers find the content engaging, empowering, and inspiring. They say it's full of substance and rewarding.
"...It's very empowering; and the advice the author shares for those first three groups are super interesting and encouraging...." Read more
"...At the end of the day I feel less exhausted and can appreciate my children's feelings...." Read more
"...I'm not giving it five stars because it gets quite repetitive some (many) times." Read more
"...Well, this book has given me the tools and it's been an eye-opener! It's an easy read, and it explains so much!..." Read more
Customers have mixed opinions about the book. Some mention it's full of common sense, provides real-world, practical strategies, and is easy to follow. However, others say it's not a realistic method in today's world and challenging to put into practice.
"...to me ground-breaking and revolutionary, but at the same time completely natural and intuitive...." Read more
"...You coach - you don't control. It takes a lot of time and patience. Is it possible to learn this method and get good at it? Yes. Is it easy?..." Read more
"...The way this book is written, with so many examples of how to respond, does not leave the listener guessing...." Read more
"Overall some good concepts, definitely challenging to put into practice when you have a toddler and a newborn...." Read more
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A little background on us: I have been struggling with my 2 year old daughter. She is very high needs, she is very stubborn and extremely intelligent. Add her constantly not feeling well from ear infections and eventually a perforated ear drum from tube malfunction, she was just rotten. A few months ago we were headed down an awful road. Tantrums every night, timeouts, me frustrated and angry and feeling like I've been through a war every night after she finally went to sleep. I cried everyday, I loved her but nothing was working, I didn't want to be THAT parent that broke her spirit but she wasn't listening to anything I said, she was getting violent, throwing things, hitting, just all around angry. I started reading this book out of sheer desperation, I was lost and felt completely alone and the ultimate failure. In the few weeks I've started the practices in this book, both Lise and I have done a 180. The tantrums are few and far between, and when they are there, they are short and very manageable. Lise has become affectionate with both her daddy and I. She freely gives kisses and hugs when before she refused any affection. She listens to what I say, she has started playing by herself and not demanding my attention 24/7. It's crazy and wonderful, I understand her feelings better and she's getting better at expressing whats going on and even more, handling her emotions and working through them herself. I just can't say enough, time outs, spanking all that is completely gone in our house. Even the word NO is very rarely used. Lise has started understanding and respecting our limits with little to no toddler stubbornness. She wants to make us happy and I can literally see the confidence building in her. Things aren't perfect, but they are absolutely better.
At first reading this book, I was like um, no, there is no way that this could work. My wild child will walk all over me when I start this so called "love" parenting. But as I mentioned, I was desperate. I didn't want to spank her, I didn't want to drag her kicking and screaming to timeout, I didn't want to isolate her or be constantly telling her no she can't do that, no she can't do this, no, no, no. I knew deep down what I was doing wasn't right regardless of what family members suggested based on their experiences. They told me to come down hard on her now or she will only get worse. I was angry, she was angry, we both had no idea what to expect from each other that day, so we both went into the day guarded and short tempered. I knew I loved her dearly, and I tried my best to try the old school parenting practices with her but it was only making her worse. Yes, she listened most of the time based on threats when we were out in public or at someones house, but I now know that was only because I was humiliating her and would've done it further by spanking her or forcing timeout in front of people she simply wanted to interact with. I know what you are thinking, she is only 2, 2 year olds don't think on that level, but mine does. I can't speak for yours. Once I'd bring her home, the "old school" practices would break down, and I would be forced to yell, time out, and spank. Tantrums would be hours long, kicking, screaming (screaming on both of our parts) and hitting. The child lived in time out. It simply wasn't working. I was desperate for any alternative, and i thought, well, she is already unmanageable, what more could this do...So I started doing little things as I read them in the book. Before I was even done, I saw changes in her. Dramatic changes. I'm currently on my second round reading it. She wants to listen to us, yes she is a toddler, but often with a simple compromise, or a promise (that is ALWAYS kept on my part) to come back when time allows for whatever activity she is involved in, we can get through just about anything without screaming, or acting like a wild child. We understand each other so much better, we talk, we laugh, we have a blast together...I look forward to continuing this peaceful approach for the rest of her life. I'm sure there will be breakdowns, yelling, but I'm confident that we can work through just about anything together.
It's awesome and helpful.
This book helps me calm down, refocus, and reconnect. I learn to reconsider my words, tone of voice, facial expressions, and actions.
Some of the lessons that are reinforced in this book includes the following:
Remember to change wordings to be more on the positive side.
Slow down and remember that it's ok to give yourself some time-outs to calm down too.
Make sure that your child feels very connected, loved, and comfortable with you.
Provide freedom within limitations (e.g. you provide options and your child can choose any of those options).
Have fun with your child -- make challenges and tough situations light hearted, help him/her succeed in small steps at a time, and hug/giggle/tickle and play together often.
The book provides many applicable suggestions!
We have three kids, aged 9, 5 and 2. We realized how much our hearts sank when we yelled at our kids, how sad it seemed to send them away to "time out" when they misbehaved. There was a feeling deep in our guts that we knew we were doing the wrong thing, even though our parents and -- pretty much everyone we know -- said that this was the "right" way. "You need to be the boss", etc. Coupled with the fact we were getting stuck in a punishment rut with our 9-year-old son, we knew there had to be some help out there, a better way to work with our kids to show them we love them while also guiding them to make the right choices.
I realized that I spent more time online researching which washing machines or flip flops were the best than I did educating myself about parenting. How ridiculous! I think it's a common mistake, however, since there's this unspoken myth that we should just proceed as our parents did. Even if we had great parents, and I did, it doesn't mean they really knew how to raise kids without yelling, or even a spank on the bottom now and then. And I just didn't want to do that.
This book lays it all out in a very clear way, using evidence-based research and action guides. Once I started reading the book it all seemed so clear and obvious: treat your kids as you would like to be treated, use empathy and kindness, while setting limits.
It's not an overnight transformation, however -- a lot of work changing your behavior is required. My husband and I constantly remind each other not to yell, and to approach each situation with love rather than a firm voice and consequences. We receive Dr. Markham's daily emails, which are incredibly helpful, and flip through the book often to remind ourselves how to handle different situations. In the heat of the moment, it's easy to forget what seemed so clear and inspiring the day before.
This is a fantastic resource that is changing the dynamics of our family every day -- for the better!
Top reviews from other countries
Made me realise that Parenting should start within you and "Be the change you want to see".













