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Ken Sande

The Peacemaker: A Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflict Paperback – January 1, 2004

by Ken Sande (Author)

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Jesus said, "Blessed are the peacemakers." But it often seems like conflict and disagreement are unavoidable. Serious, divisive conflict is everywhere-within families, in the church, and out in the world. And it can seem impossible to overcome its negative force in our lives.

In The Peacemaker, Ken Sande presents a comprehensive and practical theology for conflict resolution designed to bring about not only a cease-fire but also unity and harmony. Sande takes readers beyond resolving conflicts to true, life-changing reconciliation with family members, coworkers, and fellow believers.

Biblically based, The Peacemaker is full of godly wisdom and useful suggestions that are easily applied to any relationship needing reconciliation. Sande's years of experience as an attorney and as president of Peacemaker Ministries will strengthen readers' confidence as they stand in the gap as peacemakers.

Print length

318 pages
Language

English
Publisher

Baker Books
Publication date

January 1, 2004
Dimensions

6 x 0.73 x 9 inches
ISBN-10

0801064856
ISBN-13

978-0801064852
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Editorial Reviews

Review

"Of the enormous body of literature dealing with conflict resolution and its allied problems, this treatment is the most concrete and helpful I have yet to find."

From the Back Cover

Conflict and disagreement are unavoidable.

Peace can at times feel unattainable.

But in every relationship, unity and harmony are possible.

For more than twenty-five years, The Peacemaker has helped individuals from
all walks of life resolve personal conflicts by applying timeless biblical truths.
Ken Sande's practical and proven methods are designed to bring about more
than simply a cease-fire. They will lead you toward true, life-changing
reconciliation with family members, coworkers, and fellow believers.

"'Blessed are the peacemakers,' said Jesus. With crystal clarity this manual lays before us the wisdom that leads humble souls into that blessing."--J. I. Packer

"Of people alive and writing today, I know of no more reliable guide for peacemaking in church and family than Ken Sande."--John Piper

"A practical and faithful primer for how obedience to God's Word can change deadlock into restoration."--Charles W. Colson

"Ken Sande challenges us to act redemptively in a culture of enmity and shows us how to do this in our relationships with one another. A modern classic!"--Timothy George

Product details

Publisher ‏ : ‎ Baker Books; 3rd edition (January 1, 2004)
Language ‏ : ‎ English
Paperback ‏ : ‎ 318 pages
ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 0801064856
ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-0801064852
Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 15.4 ounces
Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 6 x 0.73 x 9 inches

Best Sellers Rank: #13,557 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #5 in Religious Counseling
- #14 in Christian Pastoral Counseling
- #160 in Christian Self Help

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1,589 ratings

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Ken Sande

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Ken Sande is the founder of Peacemaker Ministries and Relational Wisdom 360. Trained as an engineer, lawyer, and mediator, Ken has conciliated hundreds of family, business, church, and legal conflicts. As president of RW360, he now focuses on teaching people how to build strong relationships in the family, church, and workplace. He teaches internationally and is the author of numerous books, articles, and training resources, including The Peacemaker, which has been translated into seventeen languages. He is a Certified Christian Conciliator, an Editorial Advisor for Christianity Today, a Certified Relational Wisdom Instructor, and an Emotional Intelligence Certified Instructor. He and his wife, Corlette, have two adult children and a grandson, and love to hike and ski in the mountains near their home in Billings, Montana.

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1,589 global ratings

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Brian Barton

I keep reading this book!

Reviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on January 4, 2023

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My wife and I were going through a tough time in our marriage and the pastor who married us recommended this book. It was a tremendous help in creating healthy discussion about caring for each other and improving our marriage. I recommend this book every time someone asks for suggestions. When something happens in life or there a tough situation, I sometimes go back and reread this book. It does not replace scripture but some books like this highlight it in such a way that it’s easier to understand and explains practically the steps that we should take in our lives. This is now one of my most favorite books.

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William T. Brewer

A worthy resource on biblical peacemaking

Reviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on April 10, 2007

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The author, Ken Sande, is an attorney and president of Peacemaker Ministries. His book, Peacemaker, is an anchor book in a growing product line of resource materials and an associated mini-industry focused on biblical peacemaking. It is designed to help readers "turn conflict into an opportunity to strengthen relationships, preserve valuable resources, and make their lives a testimony to the love and power of Christ."

HIGHLIGHTS:
Sande's approach to biblical peacemaking can be summarized as the "Four G's:" (1) glorify God, (2) get the log out of your eye, (3) gently restore, and (4) go and be reconciled. The need is international. Peacemaking does not come naturally in any culture. All people, regardless of nationality, normally respond to conflict in two ways: (1) attack and (2) escape. Each response comes in degrees. Escape may be manifested in increasing levels of intensity by denial, flight, or suicide. Attack may appear as assault, litigation, or murder. Interestingly, the extremes of both responses end in death -- i.e., murder and suicide.

Sande argues for a middle way -- the biblical way. The escape response focuses on the self -- on the "me" of conflict. The best it can achieve is "peace-faking." The attack response centers on the antagonist -- on the "you" of conflict. It is "peace-breaking." The biblical way, in contrast, is concerned about the relationship -- on the "us" of conflict. It is "peacemaking." Peacemaking is positive, fruitful. The more a person strays from peacemaking into peace-faking or peace-breaking, the more costly the negative outcomes become.

Conflict has four sources: (1) miscommunication, (2) differing values, (3) scarce resources, and (4) sin. The first three sources are aggravated by the latter. The latter, in turn, is fueled by the idolatry that fills the human heart. Constant attention is needed to root it out.

The way a person deals with conflict reveals what he or she thinks about God. People who believe God is sovereign and good have more options in dealing with conflict than those who do not. Christians are able to view conflict as being rich with opportunities for glorifying God, for serving others, and for personal growth. God therefore calls Christians to be good stewards of conflict.

The peace that comes from peacemaking has three dimensions: (1) peace with God, (2) peace with others, and (3) peace with self. Even those who have no interest in peace with God or with others are still interested in peace with themselves. Therein lies an opportunity for peacemaking even with unlikely candidates.

Churches have a neglected role in peacemaking and are able to achieve positive results that are difficult or impossible to obtain in legal channels. Legal proceedings cannot get at underlying problems and may actually make them worse. Churches, on the other hand, can address issues earlier, bring a wider variety of resources to bear on conflicts, and work out more complete and effective solutions than the legal system. Unfortunately, most churches lack faith in the power of biblical peacemaking. Sande calls for a stepwise evolution of peacemaking within churches from a culture of disbelief to a culture of faith, to a culture of transformation, to a culture of peace, and finally to a culture of multiplication.

Most of Peacemaker is devoted to technique. Although he doesn't say it explicitly, Sande obviously sees proper technique as critical to peacemaking. Knowing what, when, why, and how to overlook, confront, defer, forgive, apologize, confess, and refer offenses can make the difference between success and failure.

COMMENTS:
Biblical techniques and procedures for peacemaking face the constant risk of deteriorating into the same legalities, technicalities, and loopholes that characterize secular justice systems. In general, Peacemaker avoids those problems fairly well. Appendix D, however, is disturbing in its discussion of disputes involving members of two different churches. In that place, readers are advised that if (1) an injured party appeals to his or her church leaders, who (2) in turn, appeal to the leaders of the offending party's church, who (3) in turn, rebuff the injured party's leaders, then (4) the injured party's church should respond by not treating the offending party's church as a true church, which would (5) make the provisions of 1 Corinthians 6 inapplicable to the case at hand since (6) 1 Corinthians 6 applies only to a true church, which would (7) allow the injured party to go to court, but only if (8) the other two conditions cited in chapter 9 are satisfied. A few sentences later, Appendix D also advises injured parties to consider moving to other congregations if their church leaders refuse to take up their disputes involving members of other churches. Altogether, it is hard to imagine anything sounding less promising in terms of peacemaking -- and more importantly, less Christian. In the space of only a few paragraphs, the author finds acceptable (1) the possibility of individual conflicts cascading into the excommunication of entire churches and (2) the idea of individual Christians standing in judgment of their congregations with the intent of breaking fellowship if church leaders fail to make the "right" decision. Couple this with the five-page peacemaker checklist in Appendix A and the risk of the peacemaker program fueling the very things it seeks to extinguish becomes apparent. Perhaps peacemaking itself can become an idol with destructive consequences.

Another point worth noting is use of scripture. Sande "proof texts" his message almost to the point of distraction. As with most "proof texting," however, some of the citations have little direct connection to the points being made. Some are simply props that would be better characterized as illustrations rather than as "the Bible teaches."[1] All of this goes to provenance. It is clear that Peacemaker is an assimilation of secular wisdom to scripture rather than a product of scripture alone. That is not a bad thing. It just explains why most of the points in the book can be found in secular literature on interpersonal relations.

As a whole, Peacemaker has something of a "tipsy coachmen" quality to it -- i.e., it may arrive at the right destination (conclusion), but it sometimes gets there in a strained way. A better theological grounding would help.[2] The book's theodicy of suffering is too shallow.[3] Its theology of the church is too low.[4] Its individualistic, existential treatment of scripture is anachronistic.[5] Right now, it is mostly a rosy "God loves you and wants you to prosper; here are the rules for prosperity; go follow these rules and prosper" kind of optimism more characteristic of Proverbs than of Job and Ecclesiastes.[6]

Preceding comments notwithstanding, Peacemaker is a worthy resource on biblical peacemaking. It champions a much-neglected quality of the church and suggests a vision that many churches ought to find attractive. The techniques it recommends are grounded in solid wisdom and will improve life and ministry for anyone who puts them into practice. In the meantime, its teachings on Christian conduct, attitudes, temptations, priorities, problems, strengths and weaknesses can bless readers well beyond the relatively narrow topic of peacemaking.

-- Bill Brewer

NOTES:

[1] Take page 93 for example concerning Paul's assertion of his rights as a Roman citizen in the Book of Acts. It is hard to believe Luke, or the Holy Spirit for that matter, had Sande's points in mind when Luke wrote his account.

[2] We forgive others not because it is good for us or them -- we forgive because it is the nature of God to forgive.

[3] Resisting evil attempts to avoid suffering -- overcoming evil with good requires it. If conflict is to be redemptive, it will require suffering.

[4] Christians are peacemakers because they are citizens of the peaceable kingdom -- the church.

[5] Take page 165 for example. Note the typical use of James 1:19, not in its original context of people being quick to anger in response to the preached Word of God, but in the context of being quick to anger in their interpersonal communications. The primacy of the church is set aside in preference for primacy of the individual.

[6] Sande has a total of nine quotes from Job and Ecclesiastes compared to 55 from Proverbs.

41 people found this helpful

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BJ

Enjoyed.

Reviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on December 29, 2022

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I enjoyed the book.

Helpful

With Conflict on the Rise, Peacemaker's are in demand

Reviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on December 12, 2010

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There have been lots of reviews about the Peacemaker by Ken Sande and they are all good and touch on many of the quality points of the text. I read this book several years ago but find myself coming back to it time and time again. I spend quite a bit of time trying to help people walk through their conflicts and seek reconciliation with those involved in the conflict. So, I often refer back to Ken's book as it is a great guidebook for all who are seeking peace.

The book is based on four major principles;
1. Glorify God
2. Get the Log out of your on Eye
3. Gently Restore
4. Go and be Reconciled

These four major themes guide you through the book and into the touchy areas of why conflict is so damaging and why forgiveness and reconciliation are so necessary. A basic tenet for all of us to learn is that conflict happens because we do not get something that we desire or want. Our project is put on hold, someone else gets the promotion, someone hurts my feelings by a gentle rebuke or a not so gentle rebuke. Someone does what I think is my job and they take the glory for it.

There are so many little things that seem to cause conflict among us, especially among those who are part of the Church of God. We all have ego's that seem to get bruised. The first major thing we forget is that it is not about us, it's all about Him. God wants to receive honor and glory in all aspects of our lives and families. Yet we let our petty differences get in the way.

The Peacemaker offers us a great guidebook to show us how to overcome our desires, overcome our ego's, overcome our demands and instead learn again to focus on others as more important than ourselves. To focus on the Family of God and to seek to do that which is best for them. In other words, we learn to put away our pride and focus through humility on others and their needs.

You will find that this book is chalk full of scriptural references and each of them brings us back to the point of realizing that Godly relationships with those around us is of utmost importance for the Gospel to be able to do it's work in the lives of the godless who live near us and observe us to see if God really does make a difference in our lives.

Get a copy of this text and keep it handy, you will find it a useful resource to come back to time and time again.

Enjoy!

5 people found this helpful

Helpful

Newby

Good read

Reviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on October 28, 2022

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This is a great book full of good principles for use in life 👍

One person found this helpful

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Top reviews from other countries

Anonymous

A fascinating challenging book that delivers results

Reviewed in the United Kingdom 🇬🇧 on November 7, 2018

Verified Purchase

The first time I ready this book, I hated what Ken Sande was telling me how I had to treat those who I was in conflict with. But then (after a time where I had God's help in understanding how He needed me to behave) I read it again and it gave huge insight, guidance and peace as to how to engage in the healing of relationships - this process is still ongoing but without this book, I would not have found the peace I now enjoy.
How to interact with others we have difficulty with is often a source of some of our greatest challenges in life A common characteristic is that even though whatever was done to hurt us was done in the past, our emotions towards that still cause us huge unhappiness and occupies much of our thoughts. While the "medicine" prescribed in this book is oh so very difficult to take, it works and will set us free - surely a price worth paying hundreds of times over.
The book tells us how to act based on instructions from the Bible, mainly from Jesus's teaching. So, if you are Christian, its difficult to see how you should not follow the advice. And if you are not Christian, and you use the techniques and they work, maybe it would be worth investigating what other good advice the Bible has - in my experience it has lots, much of it like this advice, hard to take but effective. I find it amazing that simple advice given out over 2,000 years ago is still so relevant and powerful today.

Amazon Customer

Balanced view

Reviewed in the United Kingdom 🇬🇧 on February 1, 2021

Verified Purchase

Excellent book. Balanced views on reconciliation and repentance. Sometimes victims, in the name of love and forgiveness can be pressured to reconcile when perpetrators have not repented. This book helps stop victim blaming and while advocating forgiveness offered it puts the onus on the perpetrator to receive it with repentance which leads to reconciliation.

Inge

No Page Numbers

Reviewed in Canada 🇨🇦 on July 30, 2022

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The book is great and I have to use it for a course I'm doing, but there are no listed page numbers when using the kindle app, which means that when the lecturer tells me to read page 11 to 73, I can only guess which pages they are....

thistlequeen

As good as new!

Reviewed in Canada 🇨🇦 on June 6, 2022

Verified Purchase

Thrilled! The book is in perfect condition.
Can't wait to start reading it. A+

Glen W

Excellent Book on Peacemaking

Reviewed in Canada 🇨🇦 on March 11, 2014

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The Peacemaker should be required reading for every seminarian, every church elder, every church leader and every sincere follower of Christ who wishes to grow personally and be involved in the mission of Christ to love one another. Sande's straight forward and simple delivery of biblical principles and his organization of the material make this book one of my top 10 must reads. By applying each chapter's summary, this book has the potential to be life changing for the reader and the church.

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