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Pema Chodron

The Places That Scare You: A Guide to Fearlessness in Difficult Times (Deckled Edge) Paperback – August 21, 2018

by Pema Chödrön (Author)

1,272 ratings

Part of: Shambhala Classics (20 Books)

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Lifelong guidance for learning to change the way we relate to the scary and difficult moments of our lives, showing us how we can use all of our difficulties and fears as a way to soften our hearts and open us to greater kindness.

We always have a choice in how we react to the circumstances of our lives. We can let them harden us and make us increasingly resentful and afraid, or we can let them soften us and allow our inherent human kindness to shine through. Here Pema Chödrön provides essential tools for dealing with the many difficulties that life throws our way, teaching us how to awaken our basic human goodness and connect deeply with others—to accept ourselves and everything around us complete with faults and imperfections. She shows the strength that comes from staying in touch with what’s happening in our lives right now and helps us unmask the ways in which our egos cause us to resist life as it is. If we go to the places that scare us, Pema suggests, we just might find the boundless life we’ve always dreamed of. Book comes in Deckled Edge style.

Print length

144 pages
Language

English
Publisher

Shambhala
Publication date

August 21, 2018
Dimensions

5.4 x 0.43 x 8.3 inches
ISBN-10

1611805961
ISBN-13

978-1611805963
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Editorial Reviews

Review

"So beautifully written that the reading is a pleasure. . . . Chödrön's voice is gently humorous, always kind, and seemingly infinitely wise."— Los Angeles Times

About the Author

Pema Chödrön is an American Buddhist nun in the lineage of Chögyam Trungpa and resident teacher at Gampo Abbey in Cape Breton, Nova Scotia, the first Tibetan Buddhist monastery in North America. She is the author of numerous best-selling books, including When Things Fall Apart, Living Beautifully, and Welcoming the Unwelcome.

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Product details

Publisher ‏ : ‎ Shambhala (August 21, 2018)
Language ‏ : ‎ English
Paperback ‏ : ‎ 144 pages
ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 1611805961
ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-1611805963
Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 7.2 ounces
Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 5.4 x 0.43 x 8.3 inches

Best Sellers Rank: #13,554 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #9 in Tibetan Buddhism (Books)
- #164 in Meditation (Books)
- #2,500 in Self-Help (Books)

Customer Reviews:
1,272 ratings

Customer reviews

5 star		79%
4 star		13%
3 star		5%
2 star		1%
1 star		2%

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Learning to stay.

Reviewed in the United States on December 21, 2017

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Have you ever heard the expression, “Don’t just sit there, do something”? This book offers the alternative, “Don’t just do something, sit there.” If, like me, you’ve spent a good part of your life escaping from sometimes terrifically uncomfortable or scary circumstances and feelings, this book is for you.

This book has offered me the ability to learn how to sit with many difficult feelings that were unsafe to express growing up with loving kindness, just like I would have imagined a parent might do. Instead of allowing these feelings to push me into actions that are not in my best interest, I watch them come and go in meditation and have learned from Pema how to not get attached to any of them. Because they will surely change just like the weather.

82 people found this helpful

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Sally

Really helps with Anxiety and Fear

Reviewed in the United States on February 28, 2018

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This is the best book I have read in regards to dealing with anxiety and fear. The chapters are short and easy informative which makes for a great nightly read. I flagged several pages for daily reminders and I keep the book by my bed to reach for when I need calming and constructive help.

53 people found this helpful

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John

This book was transformative for me. Mired in pain ...

Reviewed in the United States on July 14, 2016

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This book was transformative for me. Mired in pain and grief after my wife left, I was unable to make any sense of my life. And then I read this book, and it opened up a path for me that helped me understand what I was experiencing and how it could serve as the way toward enlightenment.

91 people found this helpful

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Aeir

Not Resonating With Me, Feels Weirdly Arrogant ...

Reviewed in the United States on January 13, 2019

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This has been disappointing. This book is wordy, to the point of being nonsensical if you radiating perfect attention. The concepts themselves are not bad, and I found some of the ideas helpful. But it's almost as if it were written to sound really smart but just came off as boring and a little arrogant. It dismissed one other practice i use to work through difficult things and desire negative thoughts to turn them to positive ones as lying to yourself. I stopped there. I can't keep in with a book and learn when other beliefs and practices I've found helpful and even life changing are being mocked. I did like the basic idea of having fears and treating life as an experiment ( in a safe and logical way). I stepped out of my comfort zone and was rewarded with new knowledge about myself. But it was a downhill read. Maybe I'll revisit it someday, but at this time it's not resonating with me.

23 people found this helpful

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Arkansasmoonchild

Beautiful book

Reviewed in the United States on April 20, 2018

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I’m not even all the way through it and I am recommending it to all of my friends. It may sound strange but I love the way she organizes information. It’s ancient knowledge delivered in bite sized pieces with bullet points that are easy to chew on. If you’re a deep thinker and like to roll around in some thoughts before moving on to the next thing, this book is a great read for you. I am hyper analytical and some books deliver so much information at once that I have to put it down before finishing a chapter. This book is both well written and organized.

The message is one that will begin to affect your daily life, especially if you are in a meditation practice. If you aren’t, it may encourage you to take up a practice in meditation and of lovin yourself fully.

26 people found this helpful

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Achieving an enlightened fearlessness as we pass through scary places.

Reviewed in the United States on January 23, 2021

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Can this book about disciplined Buddhist training for an enlightened heart help us face this scary time, fearlessly?

A BOOK FOR THE SEEKER-WARRIOR

The Places That Scare You begins with a description of bodhichitta, which basically means “enlightened heart or mind.” Ms. Chodron tells us that achieving this enlightened heart is the work of seekers training with the discipline of warriors. Such seekers are called, bodhisattvas, and what they are questing for is described in this book by connected essays based on Buddhist concepts.

Among these concepts, meditation is emphasized as a primary technique in bodhichitta training—staying still and observing. Another technique is reciting the slogans, chants, and aspirations of Buddhism, and a selection of them is included in the appendix.

On the way to that appendix, other concepts are described that build the foundation of bodhichitta. Among them are Tonglen (a method for developing compassion), four qualities to develop and so oppose suffering and bad habits, how to develop forgiveness, patterns of laziness to avoid, the value of embracing groundlessness, how to find and appreciate a spiritual teacher, and why the “In-Between State” should be our goal.

All of this is well-written by Ms. Chodron, maybe even deceptively so. You can read this book quickly (it’s only 145 pages), but really understanding the material it presents requires more care. I found my inspiration from it on my second reading.

READ MINDFULLY FOR MAXIMUM INSPIRATION

And I have read a lot of Buddhist literature. It’s books often have promising titles along the lines of: Guide to Fearlessness, Universal Compassion, Living Meaningfully, How to Overcome Our Human Problems, Mindful Steps to Happiness, and such. Their content can, however, seem disconnected from the title’s promise with the prose seemingly simplistic or else hopelessly complicated with eastern mythology. Pema Chodron’s gift is to get beyond these difficulties and communicate Buddhist concepts in a way that is accessible for the interested reader.

In my first reading of The Places That Scare You, I couldn’t see the relation of the text to the title. It didn’t seem to me that the chapter-essays provided any kind of guide to living fearlessly, and I thought the “warrior” idiom was a bit forced. A more thoughtful second reading, however, changed my mind.

The “guide” part of the book is in taking the reader to an understanding of bodhichitta (the enlightened heart). Each chapter is an examination of reality and how to relate to it through Buddhist teachings. As the seeker gains greater understanding of bodhichitta he/she becomes a bodhisattva, and so develops a fearless strength. This fearlessness allows him/her to enter scary places and learn from them.

A READABLE INTERPRETATION OF ANCIENT TEXTS

The Places That Scare You is very readable, but even so, the depth of the material requires some effort from the reader to grasp. This makes just reading the book a virtuous endeavor if your purpose is to find enlightenment and inspiration. The chapters (twenty-two of them plus an appendix) build upon one-another to bring the reader to an understanding of bodhichitta, maitri, and prajnaparamita (defined in the text). Then the appendix provides material to support a regular practice to integrate the concepts covered.

There are a lot of quotes from Buddhist texts, as well as traditional Buddhist stories to illustrate points (such as the story of Avalokiteshvara expounding on “Groundlessness” to a group of Buddha’s disciples). You can see a difference in tone between the quoted ancient texts and Ms. Chodron’s prose, which is modern. I think this is one reason her books are so popular. She puts Buddhist concepts in contemporary language. Some Buddhist literature written by Tibetan masters, say, tend to sound like the ancient texts and so can be challenging for modern readers.

This book also contains a number of terms that could be considered “technical” in Buddhism. These include bodhichitta, bodhisattva, maitri, and prajnaparamita. These terms are explained well, but may be a problem for some non-Buddhist readers. I think it is worth your while to integrate an understanding of these terms. It will enhance your understanding of the book and the material in the appendix.

The above might be considered both pros and cons, which is probably appropriate for a book about Buddhism.

A BOOK TO HELP IN SCARY TIMES

There is much about this time in the world that does frighten me, prompting me to seek some kind of spiritual fortitude to help face it. I have noted many people in social media expressing distress over current events and how their traditional Christian faith is their comfort. That’s how scary our place in history is. Personally, I can relate more to a book like this as a spiritual buttress against fear. And so I found much inspiration in The Places That Scare You.

In this time, we are under a constant barrage of fear porn from politicians and mainstream media. Especially since January of 2020, the efforts of our rulers have ramped up to keep us divided, afraid, and thus vulnerable to their machinations meant to increase the magnitude of their tyranny. In my opinion, we must resist. But our resistance must be wise, built upon the truths found and revealed by enlightened teachers over all of human history. Bodhichitta embodies such enlightened truth that can make us bodhisattvas, strong and fearless in opposing evil. I recommend The Places That Scare You as a training guide to help get you there.

3 people found this helpful

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Falconbrother

Another pearl from Pema Chodron.

Reviewed in the United States on August 24, 2015

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I can't say enough about how great this book is. As always I find that I must savor this book. This is not one that you would get, read in a night and move on with your life. If you do that you're missing the opportunity to grow and learn. Pema Chodron is a wise and compassionate teacher. This book teaches to be present with the energy behind the story, behind the drama. It offers an opportunity to become a peaceful happy person capable of making the world around us a better place.

34 people found this helpful

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Kiesha Cheatham-Mashtaire

A must read!

Reviewed in the United States on April 26, 2016

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I am halfway through this book and it is nothing short of life altering. It is definitely a must read. Especially if you are a survivor. Sometimes we feel the need to numb out what we are feeling in healthy and unhealthy ways, this talks about sitting with those feelings and treating ourselves with compassion.

27 people found this helpful

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Sam Woodward

Refreshingly down-to-earth

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on May 17, 2016

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I’ve been interested in meditation for most of my adult life & have practiced a wide range of different techniques with different organisations. Favouring more secular practices, I always shied away from Tibetan Buddhism & its esoteric cultural trappings. For instance, when I was first taught Ton Glen meditation, it involved visualizing myself as a Buddha with a particular symbolic meaning, who was holding various symbolic objects, etc. Even though I was briefly told what they were, a lack of familiarity with this image made it difficult to relate to. Then I recently attended a Mindfulness course in which the teacher taught a secularized, Western-friendly variation of Ton Glen. Rather than a Buddha, he asked us to visualise ourselves at an earlier age, and then give this earlier self all the compassion, forgiveness & emotional support which they had needed at the time. This was an incredibly powerful experience for me. And, as it turned out, it was the version of Ton Glen which features heavily in this book.

Prior to this, I hadn’t really used visualizations in meditation & it wasn’t something which appealed to me. Yet I found this version of Ton Glen to be incredibly powerful. No prior book-learning of the Tibetan Buddhist canon was necessary & the emotional link to a difficult time in my past helped to connect with some deeply-rooted feelings & mental processes. The consensus in the group discussion afterwards was that it had helped those of us who had no problem with meditating on compassion for others but who struggled to find compassion for themselves. This, as Pema Chodran points out in this book, means we had not been extending our compassion to everyone in the universe. And thanks to that emotional connection, compassion became an accessible feeling instead of merely an intellectualized concept. Once we have compassion for ourselves, Chodran presents practical insights into how it is easier & more meaningful to pass our compassion onto others – not only loved ones but also strangers & people we actively hate, or who just rub us up the wrong way.

This was my first Pema Chodran book & I didn’t actually realise it was about Ton Glen when I bought it just after the course - isn’t it great when you find exactly the right book at exactly the right time?! Chodran’s approach is also refreshingly Westernised & easy to relate to. Her description of Ton Glen & its benefits was regularly furnished with down-to-earth examples. An example which stuck with me was her advice on meditating on ‘loving-kindness’. Because this is a vague term, translated from a different language which will mean something slightly different to everyone, she recommends replacing it with a more specific one of your own choosing. She gives examples from her own students, which include ‘may all beings have an experience which leads to growth’ & ‘may my father have coffee’. The latter was from a lady whose terminally ill father had all the care he needed, so she hoped he could see past the suffering & medical procedures to still connect with the simple joy in life which coffee always gave him.

As soon as I finished this book, I bought several more from the same author. Chodran has completely changed my perception of Tibetan Buddhism, by showing that behind the cultural trappings – which can be pushed aside if need be – are some practical techniques which have helped deepen my practice immeasurably. Her approach is wise, compassionate & utterly practical. Highly recommended.

26 people found this helpful

Raquel

A no bulls*** approach to meditation

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on June 27, 2016

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A very insightful book on meditation. It talks about opening ourselves while taking a hard look at who we are and not escaping our problems. Is not a cheesy self help book... in fact, it's very no-nonsense. I would not recommend it to a beginner, because it speaks about the struggles you can find during the practice. Even though is short, it is not an easy read, not because it's boring - is actually, fascinating - but because it is complex. You may find yourself trying to absorb the words and re-reading them to fully understand the message (maybe I'm just dumb). The main reason I say is not for beginners is that you need to be a meditaton practicioner, without the practice you won't relate to the problems she's addressing. If you worry that your meditation practice is failing you, or you have neglected it, or you simply worry about it not being perfect, this book is for you. It's definitely more than what meets the eye, I know this because the first two pages I was not convinced and then I ended up completely blown away but it's realistic, analytical approach and sometimes even cold hard truths.

9 people found this helpful

R GILBOY

Arrived promptly, as described and with an informative content

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on July 29, 2019

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The books were well packed, as described and arrived well within the allocated time.
I am looking forward to gaining much insight into Pema Chodron's thoughts and advice regarding being fearless and loving yourself and the world. I have read her book, When Things Fall Apart which was exceptionally well written and very thought provoking.
Would definitely order again.

One person found this helpful

Billie

The places that scare you; it helps!

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on May 20, 2015

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This book is superb, I struggle with anxiety and depression and this book has some great advice on dealing with the world around you in a different way. It focuses on Mindfulness style of looking at the world and really helps. If you are on the fence between this one and Start with where you are; for finding coping strategies for stress, anxiety and depression, I would favor the Start with where you are. If you can afford it go with both, but start with the Start with where you are book.

7 people found this helpful

Amazon Customer

I really like Pema Chodron's writing style

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on March 24, 2017

Verified Purchase

I really like Pema Chodron's writing style. She expresses herself in a really clear and kind manner. But, I think I would prefer to hear the contents of this book delivered in a workshop as it's difficult to take on board some of her teachings by just reading them. (She tends to use lists with 4 items a lot).

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