Jax Calder has quickly become my latest auto-buy author, and this book is another emotional powerhouse and yet another read I highly recommend. However, I had to sit with it a while to figure out my feelings, because, while it is just as emotional and engaging as her other work, it also had a few unusual flaws that kept nudging me, picking at me, bothering me, and I had to figure out what those were. This one had some weaknesses that the other books I've read of hers so far don't have. Please read the book copy for a plot summary.
I was addicted again from page 1, and this was an even more highly emotional beginning for me, with my “I hate emotional cheating” foible, because one hero starts out with a longtime boyfriend, a situation I usually would struggle with. Here, though, the author keeps the relationship present for conflict but keeps anything sexual off-page and not in your face, and that worked well for a strong conflict without taking away from the two heroes and their attraction to each other. It was realistic without detracting from the romance, and handled in a way that kept both heroes…heroic.
The broken friendship between pro-rugby-player MCs Ethan and Luke is heartbreaking, gut-wrenching, and a wonderful thing to see naturally repair and heal. Their connection and instinctive draw to each other in the present is shown, not told, with such grace and power that I wanted to see them together in every scene and was pining myself any time they were apart. Their situation totally sucks, Ethan having gotten Luke’s twin sister pregnant oh, so long ago, breaking Luke’s heart and costing Ethan his best friend without even him ever realizing just what was at stake.
There were a few off notes though, that kept bothering me.
*** some SPOILERS***
Ethan’s past feelings aren’t shown early on to support his later realizations. Did he love Luke and not realize it? Did he miss Luke after he left? What did he believe their experimenting was about, what did it mean to him back then, and how does he see it now, before he and Luke get together? There’s little indication that he felt much of anything romantic before Luke’s return. What comes through later is that he missed his best friend, that Luke left a hole in Ethan’s life when he fled to Japan to play instead of joining the NZ team back then, but past-Ethan was not shown to have any inkling at all of romantic feelings on his own or on Luke’s part, despite their sexual awakening together. But then later he sort of claims he did have feelings and just didn’t realize it, and that he felt Luke deserted him—being told that in the present felt contrived. Ethan’s past memories read like Ethan loved Luke as a friend, and felt bad about what happened with Char, but there was no indication at all that it was anything more to Ethan. It would have made more sense if Ethan didn’t fall in love with Luke until the present. But then Ethan says oh, now I realize I was in love with Luke all those years ago? And he actually was hurt that Luke “deserted” him? That declaration felt unsupported. And it left me in a place of feeling uncertain about Ethan.
Another off element was Ethan’s admission that he’s probably pan but didn’t realize it til he decided to get together with some rando guy at a club. It was another indication that experimenting with Luke all those years didn’t mean much to Ethan. He never put together that he was perhaps pan until he was with some OTHER guy? Huh? Never once analyzed how he felt about Luke, in that context, until faced with him again? His blowup at Luke about Luke deserting him felt inconsistent, because there was no seeding to indicate that he’d been missing him so much all this time. It seemed more as if Ethan felt only guilty and sorry he hadn’t been able to explain, not that he actually missed LUKE Luke. Ethan is clearly nervous to see Luke again, but the heartbreak that is so clearly drawn in Luke’s character is absent from Ethan’s, and so Ethan telling Luke later that it was there felt manipulated to try to show that they were both in love all along, even though Ethan didn’t realize it. This could have used another round of editing.
Then, Char…Luke’s twin sister’s character didn’t feel developed enough. I suspect she’s supposed to be an empathetic character, and to draw sympathy from the reader. But…while her struggles with depression were palpable and I was glad she got help, her constant insecurity based on their parents’ actions failed to move me. She needed to grow up and stop pouting all the damn time. What she did was so incredibly wrong and cruel that I didn’t even care that she was just a kid too at the time. And the fact that Ethan and Luke both felt they had to tiptoe around her feelings and were going to split up to protect her fragile self made me ill, alongside the fact that Luke’s own parents felt the same—that Ethan and Luke should put Char’s comfort above their own happiness forevermore. WHAT? Gross. No one ever apologized or owned up to being wrong about that, and it was a sour note. Like, Luke’s awful b_ _ _ _ of a mom finally “accepted” Ethan and decided he was okay in the end, after years of treating him like he was a bad influence on Luke, and Ethan was grateful? After she saw for years what a wonderful caring father Ethan was to her own grandchild, she still wanted him to stay away from Luke? F that. F her. I understood all of them wanting to protect Theo (Ethan and Char’s son), and not confuse him—Theo’s adorable, too, nicely done, if a little unbelievably well-behaved—but, the entire conflict sat on a shaky foundation.
Then there’s Ethan’s mom, who has MS and must have had a big influence on him, but she and barely shows up on page and is rarely on his mind. I expected her to have a role in the plot, but she felt like a prop.
Ultimately, there was nowhere near enough groveling or owning up to things on Char’s and Luke’s parents’ parts to satisfy me. And Luke and Ethan finally admitting their feelings was a little off due to the inconsistencies with Ethan’s emotional journey. BUT!
***END SPOILERS***
Man, I LOVED seeing Ethan and Luke get together. The real heartbreak that Luke went through resonated powerfully. My heart was in my throat for the entire book, and Jax Calder has my everlasting loyalty as a reader. This one could have used another developmental edit to smooth out Ethan, but, you know what? I was enthralled despite the hiccups and can’t wait for her next book. And the authentic rugby scenes both on the field and the interactions with teammates made it even more enjoyable.
HEA, reunited friends-to-lovers, single-dad, sports (rugby) romance. Fiery emotions, intense connection, highly recommended.
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Top reviews from other countries
Cadiva
Another really solid entry in this series
Reviewed in the United Kingdom 🇬🇧 on July 14, 2022Kindle Customer. cas
Loved this series
Reviewed in the United Kingdom 🇬🇧 on September 4, 2022
