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Please Do Not Shoot Me in the Face Paperback – October 23, 2011
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Intrusion: A Novel
A loving couple, grieving the loss of their son, finds their marriage in free fall when a beautiful, long-lost acquaintance inserts herself into their lives. Learn More
From the Inside Flap
"In Please Do Not Shoot Me in the Face, Bradley Sands uses literary sleight of hand to miraculously create a novel out of three novellas. The novella, "Apocalypse Ninja," achieves the grand feat of being the stupidest thing ever written. With shuriken-sharp writing, Sands fulfills mankind's greatest unconscious desire without even pooping his pants." - Bradley Sands, author of My Heart Said No, But the Camera Crew Said Yes!
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Top Customer Reviews
I liked the little "interludes" between Bradley and Frankie Nougat, who is the main character in the first novella.
A fine little collection that will fit right in there with all the other Bizarro you have in your collection. Be sure to pick this one up!
Bradley Sands ask us to read this novel, that wants to be a novel and find the theme. Or heck with it and have some laughs. From the case of the missing heart to the Cheesequake Smash-Up and ending the novel (or is it?) with the bizarre story of Apocalypse Ninja you will remember the bizarro man himself Bradley' Sands.
Overall my favorite part of Novel, or my most favorite of the three novellas is cheesequake smash-up. A video game like no other with a cast of characters from hit TV show The Office, but with a Mr. Sands dialogue and description.
The other two novellas included in Please Do Not Shoot Me in the Face (“Frankie Nougat and the Missing Heart” and "Apocalypse Ninja”) are equally awesome. Hilarious and off-the-rails absurd, each of those novellas scored sky-high on the ol' WTF?!? meter and, as such, where right up my alley.
Catch ya later, Sam.
"Well, Doc. It's like this. I have a headache the size of Baltimore, My nose runs like the winner of Kentucky Derby, My body is aching for the fjords and I have an irresistible desire to discuss Existentialism with Nietzsche's horse"
"What have you been reading lately, Marvin?
"Oh, the usual The Great Gatsby, Ulysses, The Exesis of Philip K. Dick at one word a day, and unsolicited excerpts from Journey to Virginland".
My doctor shook his head. He pulled out the rectal thermometer, looked at it and shook his head again. "It's quite obvious. You are having a bad case of taking yourself too seriously". He handed me a copy of Bradley Sand's Please Do Not Shoot Me in the Face.
"Read these three stories. One for each night then report to me on Thursday. Do not try to read more than one a night as it could have devastating consequences."
I left fifteen minutes later, of which ten minutes of it was spent begging the doctor to put the rectal thermometer back in. When I got home I looked at the relatively thin book and thought, "Posh! (the Spice Girls were staying the night). I'm the only man who ever read Ouspensky's In Search of the Miraculous in one night and survive." So I began reading. Wait! This is actually three novellas. It's a novel. No, now the author says it isn't. I was getting confused. I soared through the first novella, a cute little Bizarro comedy called "Frankie Nougat and the Case of the Missing Heart". I found myself forgetting about Nietzsche's horse, probably just in time since the horse was changing into something more comfortable. Frankie is sad and funny and his dog is cute and makes a fair gun.Read more ›
Now that that's settled...
This book is seriously funny and inventive. The humor is both schizophrenic and juvenile, neurotic and hyperactive. Every character in Sands' universe is in some way mentally unstable. I don't think there is a single normal person or event in the entire book; if there were, it wouldn't be a Bradley Sands book. The narratives seem to strain toward greater and greater ridiculousness, climbing an exponential curve of absurdity until they implode into singularities of psychosis. This book displays a zaniness, a wackiness, a kookiness that is almost vulgar.
Of the three parts of this book, my favorites are the first two. The last part, "Apocalypse Ninja", seemed to be lacking something. It was a little too heavy on the juvenile effect, and although that juvenile aspect is a crucial part of Sands' work, I find that it works best when balanced out with a more serious kind of dementia, even if that seriousness goes unstated and just lurks in the background while the more childish antics unfold.
As a whole, the book succeeds. The book is mentally unstable. I identify with the mentally unstable book. If you identify with mentally unstable things (and chances are you do), then pick up a copy of this book and let it be your friend.
Most Recent Customer Reviews
Nobody can do what Bradley Sands does. You’re going to read this book and you’re going to say to yourself, “This is just some schizo stream-of-consciousness nonsense. Read morePublished 12 months ago by The Baron Von Crabcakes
Three fun and absurd novellas connected with interludes in which the author hires a detectives to track down the common themes that tie the stories together. Read morePublished on March 20, 2013 by Sarah A. Shaw
The premise was stupid, and the overall book concept and presenrtation was assinine. I would not buy or borrow another book by this authorPublished on February 26, 2013 by JB
I have never read "Bizarro" fiction before, or written a book review. I found this book by googling terms related to my mild to severe suicidal ideation. Read morePublished on May 9, 2012 by Rachel Noël
Another review has done a good job or summarizing so I won't go through that.
This book had me laughing out loud, quoting lines, posting quotes online for my friends, and... Read more
Please Do Not Shoot Me in the Face is a collection of three novellas. Or is it a novel? That's what Bradley Sands has hired 7 year old detective Frankie Nougat to find out. Read morePublished on December 9, 2011 by D. Schwent