Portal 2 Sentry Turret - Motion Activated Desk Defender with 11 Speaking Functions (Usb Powered)
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- 'Target acquired.' Speaks over 10 different phrases! USB-operated and measures 7 1/2-inches tall. Portal fans, get yourself a motion detecting turret to guard your desk!
- This Portal 2 Sentry Desk Defender Talking Light-Up USB Statue even features wings that open before sounds are emitted. Because it's USB-powered, you can plug it right into your computer or USB hub (cable included) for ease-of-use. Measures 7 1/2-inches tall.
- When the turret detects motion nearby, it says: 'Target acquired.' 'There you are.' 'I see you.' 'Preparing to dispense product.'
- 'Activated.' When the turret is moved or knocked over, it says: 'Critical error.' 'Shutting down.' 'I don't hate you.'
- 'Hey, hey, hey.' 'Malfunctioning.' When the turret is ignored (times out after 30 seconds), it asks: 'Are you still there?'
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'Target acquired.' Speaks over 10 different phrases! USB-operated and measures 7 1/2-inches tall. Portal fans, get yourself a motion detecting turret to guard your desk! This Portal 2 Sentry Desk Defender Talking Light-Up USB Statue even features wings that open before sounds are emitted. Because it's USB-powered, you can plug it right into your computer or USB hub (cable included) for ease-of-use. Measures 7 1/2-inches tall. When the turret detects motion nearby, it says: 'Target acquired.' 'There you are.' 'I see you.' 'Preparing to dispense product.' 'Activated.' When the turret is moved or knocked over, it says: 'Critical error.' 'Shutting down.' 'I don't hate you.' 'Hey, hey, hey.' 'Malfunctioning.' When the turret is ignored (times out after 30 seconds), it asks: 'Are you still there?'
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Now, to make this review a bit more useful for those who are not just going to take my word for it (and I don't blame you), let me tell you a few details:
This thing is big. Somehow, after looking at pics and videos, I still didn't imagine it being taller than a few inches. It's almost as tall as my hand (from wrist to fingertips).
It is loud, as another reviewer pointed out. The loudest part is by far the beginning ("preparing") phase; that beep could wake the dead.
The legs are just stable enough. They are flexible (but I wouldn't bend them too far), so the whole thing kind of feels like it might topple over at any moment (a design flaw that is apparent in Aperture's full-size models as well :))
There will be a usb cord sticking out the back. That doesn't bother me personally, but I thought I'd reiterate what is stated in the specs, depicted in the images, and mentioned in a previous review. Just in case.
My unit has a piece that rattles inside. It's probably no big deal, but it's disconcerting. When I first took it out of the box, I was worried that it had gotten broken during shipping. Works fine though.
The doors don't close 100% flush--well,they do at first, but then they pop out just slightly, about a millimeter, mostly on the left side.
Those are all the issues that one might consider negative. As for positives... How do I describe how happy this thing makes me every time I see it sitting there or witness it spring to life?
The night I got it, when my wife came home from the gym, I told her to go check out what I'd ordered. I said it was on my desk. Hearing it attack her as she rounded the corner made me grin like I imagine GLaDOS would if she had lips.
Overall, practically perfect in every way.
Here's a video that gives you a great rundown of the features: [...]
I just thought I should add a few more details:
There is a button on the back that allows you to manually open the gun doors and a second one to close them. When the doors have been manually opened, the optical sensor is deactivated, meaning that it will not respond to movement. This is useful if, like me, you have it sitting right next to you on your desk but don't want it shooting you every time you turn your head. However, it also means that the turret is in an unnatural doors-open state and takes up more space on the desk. My personal solution, which I thought I'd share, was to stick a tiny piece of Scotch tape (other brands are available) over the sensor on the front (the little black rectangular hole under the light). This makes the "eye" very near-sighted; now I have to put my hand right in front of it to have it activate most of the time but about 10% of the time, when I'm doing a big movement like getting up from or sitting down at my desk, it will activate as well, which is actually perfect in my opinion. The tape is translucent but not completely transparent (transparent tape would probably not have much of an effect) but you cannot see it at all once applied so it doesn't detract from the look. If you were to add another layer of tape, it would probably make it even more near-sighted, and if you were to use opaque white duct tape (I tried this too, though it is more noticable) then it would make it completely blind obviously. Still enjoying this thing two years on.
Update: (3/15/17): Still works. :)
I wish they had done a base for it instead though and had it standing on the base, so the USB could plug in there, instead of the back of the figure, since that detracts from the appearance. Or better yet, a rechargeable battery inside. But you get what you can, and this is the only option for something like this.
But in spite of that, it's great. Simple on / off button, and two buttons on back to open or close the turret's guns, but they only sort of work.
I like that the "eye" has the lines radiating out of it and wasn't just a clear piece of plastic. It's the little details like that which make it enjoyable. The eye lights dimly while in "wait" mode, and gets brighter when it senses movement and opens the sides to "attack."
This is a great product and I just love it. It's about 7 inches tall and about 2 inches wide, so if you were expecting a foot tall 7 inch wide sentry gun your out of luck. On average the delay between the words and actual shots is about 3 secs so it doesn't fire right then and there. One thing that I find annoying is that there's a 3 second "cool down time" delay between each trigger. It also doesn't have a battery so it has to be plugged in at all times for it to work. Other reviews say that it's legs are "Flimsy" and " it feels like it could break at anytime" but they are not as weak as the make it sound. when it is plugged in it says preparing 3 or 4 times with 7 or 8 beeps,each beep isn't that loud. Over all this is a good product and would recommend it to anyone who likes portal.
Oh, the mess! It would spill all over my paperwork and clothes and this was a daily ritual that amused my boss to no end. Even all eight of my co-workers were intimidated and would laugh nervously along with him to protect themselves. The last straw was when he was spying on my FB posts about my financial troubles and started to talk with a condescending sniveling voice as he pressed his chin against my shoulder and talk into my left ear, "Blanch, your account wouldn't look like a 7 year olds piggy bank if you weren't so easily distracted." - That was the moment that I started to seethe inside with feelings of revenge.
I would obsess about ways of doing him in day in and day out. Then finally, I found the Portal 2 Sentry Turret! When it came in the mail, I opened it and soon realized that my purchase was even better than I thought. It was of a substantial size and weight and was no smaller than my shoe! When I read the directions on how to use it, that's when I lit up with anticipation. I was up all night with the vibrating masterpiece. The following morning, I arrived at work extra early and because of the practice i had with it all night, I set up the Motion Activated Desk Defender within seconds! No sooner did I finish, when my boss came around the corner with malice of forethought.
My Portal 2 Sentry stood up and immediately opened up its side turrets and spoke in a deep godly robotic voice, "Target acquired!" - And then shot out a red laser beam aimed at my bosses chest which made him flinch instantly. Next, when my boss tried to move, the Portal focused the beam toward him just as quickly. Then, my trusty Sentry said in the same awe defying voice, "I see you" and my boss uttered timidly, "Is this some kind of a joke?" - Then, backed away hurriedly. No sooner did my boss start to run, did my Sentry keep up like a stealthy hunting spider!
Next thing you know, he trips and hits the ground like a dull thud against soft cheap dry wall next to skinny little Bob from accounting. Both the Sentry and my boss begin to vibrate with zapping sounds while sparks and smoke start flying out like arches into the air and Bob backs away as my remaining co-workers make their way to the scene. As the Sentries tri-pod legs tighten on my bosses tie to strike again, my co-workers began to fight each other for a better view. They all watched in aw and wonder as my boss twisted helplessly on the ground! Then, I had an out of body experience and heard a cacophony of noise that seemed to be otherworldly, but it was just me and my boss screaming in unison.
He was screaming in pain and I was screaming in pure ecstasy at the site of him writhing and foaming at the mouth as he was gurgling the words, "Blanch.. You're... Fired... Gagh!" - And he fainted. After that, I don't remember what happened, but my co-workers have informed me that I was in a catatonic state in my cubicle petting my Portal 2 Sentry Turret while it was vibrating in my hands while saying, "I don't hate you... shutting down.", just before the white coats took me away. Currently as I write this review, I'm now inside Bellevue Asylum and they considered me well enough after my shock treatments to get some internet time. Thanks Portal 2 Sentry Turret, this is the best vacation I've ever had!