- Hardcover: 256 pages
- Publisher: HarperBusiness (May 3, 2016)
- Language: English
- ISBN-10: 0061777145
- ISBN-13: 978-0061777141
- Product Dimensions: 9.4 x 6.2 x 0.9 inches
- Shipping Weight: 14.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
- Average Customer Review: 214 customer reviews
- Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #44,493 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
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The Power of the Other: The startling effect other people have on you, from the boardroom to the bedroom and beyond-and what to do about it Hardcover – May 3, 2016
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“Henry brings the heart and the mind together, showing that constructive relationships support us in making our own lives and the lives of others better. There is no singular success; we all need to work with ‘others’ to become our best selves. This book shows you where to look.” (Maria Shriver, journalist, founder of Shriver Media, the Women's Alzheimer's Challenge, and A Woman's Nation Maria Shriver, journalist, founder of Shriver Media, the Women's Alzheimer's Challenge, and A Woman's Nation Maria Shriver, journalist, fo)
From the Back Cover
A bestselling author and expert on the psychology of leadership identifies the critical ingredient for personal and professional well-being.
Most leadership coaching focuses on helping leaders build their skills and knowledge and close performance gaps. These are necessary steps, but not sufficient. Using evidence from neuroscience and his work with leaders, Dr. Henry Cloud shows that the best performers draw on another vital resource: personal and professional relationships that fuel growth and help them surpass current limits.
Popular wisdom suggests that we should not allow others to have power over us, but the reality is that they do, for better or for worse. Consider the boss who diminishes you through cutting remarks versus one who challenges you to get better. Or the colleague who always seeks the limelight versus the one who gives you the confidence to finish a difficult project. Or the spouse who is honest and supportive versus the one who resents your success. No matter how talented, intelligent, or experienced, the greatest leaders share one commonality: the power of the others in their lives.
Combining engaging case studies, persuasive findings from cutting-edge brain research, and examples from his consulting practice, Dr. Cloud argues that whether you’re a Navy SEAL or a corporate executive, outstanding performance depends on having the right kind of interpersonal connections to fuel personal growth and minimize toxic associations and their effects. Presenting a dynamic model of the impact these different kinds of connections produce, Dr. Cloud shows readers how to get more from themselves by drawing on the strength and expertise of others. You don’t have a choice whether others have power in your life, but you can choose what kinds of relationships you want.
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This book was an excellent read. As a pastor who works with small groups and helping people connect in relationships this book is especially helpful in understanding the “psychology” behind relational connection.
Often in our lives we unintentionally repeat patterns of relating to others around us based upon patterns of connection that we have learned often on a subconscious level. Likewise the right relationships in our lives has the power to impact us greatly both positively and negatively based on how “healthy” these relationships are for us. If you have ever wondered how and why some people are able to surpass limits. I think at some level most us wonder how we become better, how we become more. Dr Henry Cloud does well to guide the reader to understanding how it happens and how you can do so as well.
Here are my two primary “take-aways” from this book:
The three elements that form the triangle of well-being work together to build, drive, create, and regulate our functioning and performance. What are the three? They are our brain/ body (the physical), our relational connections, and our minds, which regulate the energy and information needed to live and perform.
Our relationships help write the “code” of whom we become and are becoming. Relationships have power, for good and for bad. Good and bad “code,” and good and bad “energy.” They affect all three parts of the triangle of well-being: the physical, the interpersonal, and the psychological.
How significantly relational connections with others impact us in areas even outside of interpersonal skills but correlates to physical and psychological as well. Relationships write the code of whom we become and who we are becoming. I think we undervalue the role relationships play in our lives.
The “Four Corners of Connection” what a “corner four” relationship looks like. Here are the four corners of connection:
-The Bad Connection
-The Pseudo-Good Connection
From these “four corners” of connection we are to engage in relationships that give us energy not take it away.
Relationship, the connection between people, not only enhances our mental functioning, but actually works to impart it, to provide it. Capacity is built through energy and intelligence. I love the definition of energy that Siegel uses , borrowing a phrase from physicists. It is “the capacity to do something.”
People give energy, and they take it away. Know the difference and plan accordingly.
The right kind of relationship will bring us to new levels of challenge and growth.
Frequently, we don’t have a clue about the abilities and assets we possess. They have never been pointed out to us. That’s what the right kind of Corner Four relationship does: it spots a hidden asset you possess and shows you how to access it.
So-called self-improvement—the process of getting better— is really a relational enterprise, not a “self” enterprise.
As a leader, a spouse, a colleague, and a parent, take time to ask yourself: Have I shown the people I want to have a Corner Four relationship with that I truly am listening, that I understand them? And, before you invest your trust in someone else, ask yourself if you feel that they are listening and truly understand where you’re coming from. I will rarely invest in or with someone who can’t listen.
If you’re a leader, do your people know that you’re for them? Your kids? Spouse? I presume that you are, but if you want trust to flourish, you have to make sure that they know it as well.