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The Primal Wound: Understanding the Adopted Child Paperback – March 14, 2003
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Top Customer Reviews
It felt as though Verrier took the hand of my young adopted self and walked me through my entire life. My copy is severely highlighted with "yes", "yes" written at least once in each margin. If that weren't enough, Verrier then guides us through the search and reunion process, which was the area I had been looking for help with. It seemed as though she had witnessed the intricacies of my own reunion process...for there it was spelled out on the page. The book also provides some great insight into the delicacies of the triad relationships (adoptee/birth parents/adoptive parents) during the reunion process, suggesting ways to move toward solid relationships. Finally, Verrier offers the adoptee real usable tools for mourning his/her deep loss so that he/she can slowly remove adoption related roadblocks in his/her adult life.
To the non-adopted eye, the book may seem repetitive in places, but this book was built for the adoptee. The repetition is reassuring and appropriate.Read more ›
This book is a definite "must read" for all parents of adopted children. I know that as a parent you will resist believing in the Primal Wound but you must for the benefit of your children. You will learn to understand your adopted children and will be able to help them throughout their lives - sometimes even in the smallest way, i.e. the simple reassurance that you WILL return home after work.
I met my birth family at 30 years old. Then I read this book a few years later. This book made a difference in my life. It will make a difference in your life, too. Enjoy!
Thank you Nancy Newton Verrier!!
There is a lot that I took away from this book - and a lot that I didn't. I would urge any reader, as with any self-help book, to read this with an objective and critical mind. Verrier makes a great deal of heavy generalizations, not just about adoptees, but about all involved in adoption. It seems she (prehaps unavoidably) brought in her own biases from her personal experience. I do not like how she lumps all adoptees into one group. Yes, being adopted will have a huge affect on an adopted person as it is the most major event of their life, but it is not going to affect each adoptee the same. It is important to remember that many of the problems she discusses can happen to non-adoptees as well. Also, I find that she makes generalizations about the adoptive parents - it seems they can't win. We all have problems in life, and adoptees have their own baggage to deal with, but that doesn't mean that an adoptee can't be well-adjusted and happy as an child and adult.
I am adopted, have an excellent relationship with my adopted family. I have had/have my issues and problems to work through as a result of being adopted, but I can't attribute all my problems to being given up at birth. I am quite level headed and well-adjusted, just as much as my non-adopted friends and more so than some. I have gained a fair bit of knowledge and insight from Verrier's findings. I took from the book what applied to me and left the rest behind.
A good read for those involved in the adoption process, again, just be a critical reader and reflect on your own situation when reading it.
Most Recent Customer Reviews
Nancy Verrier has an explicit understanding of the experience of the child needing a very loving bond with its mother. Read morePublished 6 days ago by J. Mitchell
I am someone who wants to adopt, and I'm very glad I read Verrier's book first. It's important to understand the adoptee's perspective as much as we can, and to put his/her needs... Read morePublished 8 days ago by ElizaD
Should be required reading for all parents considering adoptions or mothers giving up her child for adoption. Solid data verifying the primal wound is real.Published 15 days ago by Douglas Weiss
Clearly written with a distinct theory and point of view, that will have many critically thinking adoptees (myself included) asking the question "Is [x behavior or thought... Read morePublished 2 months ago by Jen