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RJ Silver

The Princess & the Penis Kindle Edition

by RJ Silver (Author) Format: Kindle Edition

318 ratings

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A beautiful, chaste, and completely naive princess encounters a strange lump in her mattress. The lump soon morphs into a shape familiar to everyone but her, triggering her curiosity and her father's greatest fears. He frantically tries to intervene, but having a large phantom phallus in a curious maiden's bed is never a good combination.

Print length

28 pages
Language

English
Publication date

September 21, 2011
File size

203 KB
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Product details

ASIN ‏ : ‎ B005ORR6HE
Publication date ‏ : ‎ September 21, 2011
Language ‏ : ‎ English
File size ‏ : ‎ 203 KB
Text-to-Speech ‏ : ‎ Enabled
Screen Reader ‏ : ‎ Supported
Enhanced typesetting ‏ : ‎ Enabled
X-Ray ‏ : ‎ Enabled
Word Wise ‏ : ‎ Enabled
Print length ‏ : ‎ 28 pages
Lending ‏ : ‎ Not Enabled

Best Sellers Rank: #15,151 Free in Kindle Store (See Top 100 in Kindle Store)
- #70 in 45-Minute Romance Short Reads
- #165 in General Humorous Fiction
- #953 in Romantic Comedy (Kindle Store)

Customer Reviews:
318 ratings

Customer reviews

5 star		55%
4 star		20%
3 star		13%
2 star		2%
1 star		10%

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Top reviews from the United States

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ShoppingQueen

Fantasy-Romance in a Goofy Nutshell

Reviewed in the United States on January 21, 2020

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This is like the fantasy-romance books I Iike to read, except shorter and sillier. Like maybe if someone were to spoof the genre (and I do love spoofs!). That really occurred to me hours after finishing it, especailly after pondering the book's ending.
The only critical thing I have to say is that after a while, I found the two aunts annoying, but I don't know what I would have done differently, so it's cool.
And lastly, I got this book after seeing a review of it on facebook. Considering the title and cover, I actually expected this to be a picture book lol. I was a little surprised to see a dense page of text on page 1, but once again, that's fine, I wasn't disappointed. Maybe a brief description of the type of book (novella, I guess) in the description might be good to inform people what to expect--because, I really was expecting comedic artwork. I was not disappointed by what I got though! ;)
P.S. The editing seemed great! I did not notice any typos or whatever! So I was very impressed by the quality!

2 people found this helpful

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Rachel

A New Favorite!

Reviewed in the United States on August 9, 2020

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Lol I never thought this would be a book or that I’d read it, in truth, but so many friends on here have recommended it to me that I just had to give it a shot. (Shoutout to Better Eggs for convincing me it was worth a read. 👋) I got it when I thought I was alone but two people were looking over my shoulder. Their reactions were to gasp or laugh out loud. 😂 These reactions summed up how I thought I was going to react to this story, and I was curious to see which it would be.

This book has surprisingly good writing and editing for an independent publication. Usually there will be some grammar or spelling mistakes but I found none in my copy, which is a rare exciting thing. All who worked on this book really cared about making it as readable as possible and it's appreciated by me and other readers.

I’ll be honest and say I wasn’t too hopeful about an actual plot with this story. Boy was I surprised to find out there is. I felt completely engaged with the story; there were so many times I laughed at what the characters said that I was worried I might disturb those close by. The handling of the “enlightenment” of the Princess Amalia was wonderfully done! This might be one of my favorite ways sexual education in the form of “the talk” has ever been handled. The aunts kept it funny while the mom kept it professional. The Princess and the Pea is a classic fairytale I remember from childhood and this retelling was honestly great and did it justice. Mr. Silver definitely has me interested in reading his other books.

Honestly, if anyone would have told me I’d give The Princess and the Penis such a high rating then I would have thought them ridiculous. Even crazy if you said it would be one of my favorite books so far in 2019, yet here I am wanting to tell others to read this book.

Helpful

"Penis!"

Reviewed in the United States on March 12, 2017

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So many of my friends have read this book. It was quite the sensation when it first came out, with people going, "Look at this...omg...is it for real?" A lot of books have that effect on people, but in the reviews, my friends were giving this book fairly high ratings and saying it was so much more than it seemed. "Not smut," they said, "but actually quite clever and witty."

...Witty, you say? Tell me more.

But no, you all had to be so danged secretive. Your reviews were frustratingly vague, filled with laughing gifs, but no details.

No details!

No, I had to go out and read the book for myself to get an idea of what it was really about (the audacity!). And, like so many others, I was pleasantly surprised.

This is actually a pretty clever retelling of "The Princess and the Pea" fairy tale. THE PRINCESS & THE PENIS is about a sheltered princess whose virginity is guarded by her over-protective father who wants her to stay pure so he can marry her off to a prince. One day, however, she discovers that her mattress has a lump in it of a curious shape and quality, that is intriguing and pleasant...

Her distressed parents do what they can to get rid of the lump, panicked by the thought that their chaste princess might not remain so chaste for her upcoming wedding if they can't do something about it - soon.

But what is the lump? And how did it get into the princess's bed?

Honestly, I thought this was going to be one of those silly, so-bad-it's-good erotica novels that seem to be a dime a dozen these days, but PRINCESS & THE PENIS is actually a witty, sex-positive satire that urges the importance of sex ed. and sex positivity. I also liked how it implied that men who want to date virgins only tend to be insecure jerks, and that sexual exploration should not be punished.

Plus, the princess's aunts were hilarious. Their comments were seriously A+.

3 out of 5 stars.

One person found this helpful

Helpful

Short, witty, and most entertaining read!

Reviewed in the United States on January 22, 2020

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A friend recommended this as a quick and fun read, and it most certainly was!

A grownup version of a classic children's tale, it is written in a simplistic but witty style that leaves you gasping for air laughing! It is hilarious and very cleverly composed. I love the characters, introduced with just the right amount of description for such a short story, and especially found the aunts' dialogue more than amusing.

It is great educational material in the way it paints a picture where sexual education is not to be underestimated. It would certainly have been helpful for the sweet and innocent Princess ;)

This is great for what it is! I recommend this to anyone who wants a short, entertaining read!

Helpful

Berrywood

Juvenile Drivel.....

Reviewed in the United States on August 19, 2019

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What, was this book written by a pubescent 13 year old in their parents' basement? I could hear Beavis and Butthead in the background, "Huh-huh-huh-huh-huh-huh, you said penis, huh-huh-huh-huh".

3 people found this helpful

Helpful

Top reviews from other countries

J. D. Denness

Great fun to read.

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on December 17, 2017

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Ah! what to say about this cheeky little story? It takes the form of a classic princess fairytale and adds a big old penis...I mean a normal sized penis. Loads and loads of cock jokes are included and the immature idiot in me couldn't help but laugh at most of them. The Aunts had most of the best scenes in the books, when it comes to cocks they seemed to be very experienced.

The book is missing one thing though, traditionally these princess stories would be illustrated, I reckon you could get some funny illustrations done that would have really added to the reading experience.

If you are ever gonna read a book with Penis in the title then make sure this is the one.

One person found this helpful

M. Dowden

Saucy Fun

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on November 13, 2014

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Actually I have read this before as another reviewer pointed this out to me when it first appeared elsewhere, sorry, I can’t remember your name but thank you. It was good though that I recently found this story on this site. Obviously, by the title you can see this isn’t for little children, but if you are thinking that this is going to be erotica, or smutty, then you will be disappointed. A fairy tale for slightly more mature audiences this is saucy and full of innuendo, rather like those traditional saucy postcards that you pick up at the seaside.

Princess Amalia of the small kingdom of Westwich has been brought up to be completely innocent of men and what men and women get up to, but now she is experiencing something odd, a lump in her mattress, a lump that seems to grow if it is caressed. Telling her parents about this lump it is obvious to them that she has come across a large penis, and after searches have been made it is obvious that it is bodiless. Will calling in the priests, or a wizard have any effect in removing this willy from the princess’s bed?

Not long at all and a nice quick read this should raise a chuckle or two as the story progresses, and the big willy is made more corporeal. This is the sort of thing that Frankie Howerd would have enjoyed, especially if he could have made a TV piece out of it. There are a couple of mistakes in the text, but nothing that really should spoil your fun reading this.

2 people found this helpful

Sati Marie Frost

A very amused 4 - 4.5 stars!

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on July 27, 2014

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A friend reviewed this, and her review was so charming I had to go out and buy it myself. I'm glad I did.

Princess Amalia is beautiful and kind, but her overprotective father has spent her whole life making sure that nothing that could hurt her ever comes close to her - including men, and any knowledge of sex, or even that sex exists. So the King and Queen are horrified when their virgin princess mentions that her bed has been visited at night by a "creature" shaped like a mushroom, a tree trunk and two apples! Poor Amalia just wants to pet the creature and nestle it between her legs so she can get a good night's sleep, and doesn't understand why her parents want to exorcise it, beat it, kill it or ask it to leave...

The plot sounds utterly ridiculous, and it is, but it's a charming sort of ridiculousness. Part smut, part fairy tale and part screwball comedy, this book is frothy and fabulous and funny. A delightful read.

One person found this helpful

Lance Mitchell

Hilarious fairy tale

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on July 22, 2013

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This has to be the most hilarious fairy tale that I have ever read! Not only is it very, very funny, but it is also very very naughty too.

The pure and virginal Princess Amalia is plagued by the presence of a penis growing in her bed. She tells her parents about it, and the King does everything in his power to get rid of the rogue penis. The mattress is destroyed. The bed frame is destroyed. The Princess's bed is moved to teh almost inaccessible tower.

In the meantime, a marriage of convenience is arranged with the Prince from a neighboring, rich kingdom.

The Princess's aunts investigate and try to help.

Chaos ensues.

More hilarity ensues.

And there is an unexpected ending. Well, not if you are an aficionado of fairy stories, maybe.

This is a quick read, and I am sure that you will all love it.

Hugely recommended!

One person found this helpful

Sarah (Feeling Fictional)

Very funny

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on December 21, 2014

Verified Purchase

OK so when I saw friends on goodreads reading a book with a title like "The Princess & the Penis" and realised it was currently free to download on Amazon I couldn't resist. I mean seriously - it HAD to be done didn't it!

I'll admit I wasn't too sure what to expect from this (I was a bit worried it might turn out as badly as my terrifying experimental dip into monster porn!) but I was pleasantly surprised.

Considering the title there is actually very little in the way of "adult" action in the story and it's all innuendo and knob jokes but this adult take on the fairytale The Princess and the Pea was hilarious and I sniggered the whole way through it.

Definitely a MUST read if you want to read something completely ridiculous and very funny