- File Size: 216 KB
- Print Length: 33 pages
- Publication Date: September 21, 2011
- Sold by: Amazon Digital Services LLC
- Language: English
- ASIN: B005ORR6HE
- Text-to-Speech: Enabled
- Word Wise: Enabled
- Lending: Not Enabled
- Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #12,542 Free in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Free in Kindle Store)
|Digital List Price:||$1.49|
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The Princess & the Penis Kindle Edition
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Top Customer Reviews
The Princess and the Penis is about Princess Amalia, King Norwood's virtuous and innocent daughter. He wants to make certain Amalia remains pure as the fresh snow and as innocent as a fawn, until he can find a husband worthy of her. Norwood sets his sights on a prince from one of the big kingdoms to help his impoverished kingdom thrive. When Amalia turns eighteen, the King picks Prince Rupert for her.
Now, since Amalia has special guards always around her to protect her virtue, there's no reason for her parents to be worried that she will be breached, so to speak. Until one day, Amalia comes to them looking very exhausted. The reason is because of the lump under her rump all night long.
Her mattress is replaced, but night after night the lump comes back and pokes and prods her. Soon the lump becomes large and thick with a top like a mushroom with two apples on each side. The King thinks it's an evil demon trying to steal her virtue and impregnate her. Amalia becomes attached to the creature that is quickly figured out to be a peen.Read more ›
After reading about 14,952 romance novels, a few things become clear. No matter what the story is about--a duke, a werewolf, a football player, a Carpathian vampire, a steampunky swashbuckler, a baker, a lawyer, a candlestick maker, or even an Orca shapeshifter--the real star of the show is actually...the p*nis. Yes, this is in fact true. It gets tons of attention, pages and pages of highly detailed description, and often saves the day.
If you have one male hero and one female heroine, then the star is one p*nis. If you have a slash novel (M/M), then you've got two. If you have a kinky erotica, there could be dozens, God help us. And if you have an alien or animal breed or whatever, you might find barbs or double-headed monsters, etc etc. The sky is really the limit. And by the end of the book, you've become intimately familiar with this star...its shape, size, texture, taste and performance ability.
Now imagine that you want to write a satire about romance. Why not eliminate the middle man and get right down to business? Just make the "hero" a p*nis. A big ole p*nis who romances a princess.
Well, h*ll...that is the most freakin' brilliant, clever, witty, and quirky premise for a story I've read in a very long time.
Not only has RJ Silver (who is a man, by the way) come up with a fabulous premise for this story, he has executed it perfectly. This book has everything...awesome cover art (look at her face!Read more ›
The King, Amalia's father decrees that she is to be raised completely chaste. If you so much as mention anything about reproductive activities to her, you could be punished. He succeeds, and at 18 the King and Queen are looking for a suitable Prince to marry her. Unfortunately, the Princess isn't getting enough sleep because there is a lump in her mattress that keeps poking her at night, that soon manifests as a rather large and all too familiar portion of male anatomy. She has no idea what it is, but the King is beside himself trying to get rid of this phantom phallus before her suitor arrives or before she is compromised, without telling her what it is. Meanwhile she is learning that cuddling or stroking this bedmate can elicit interesting results...
The double and triple entendres are really funny. But it also goes to show that no matter how much you insulate someone from the real world, they will eventually find out about the birds and bees on their own - so you are better off educating them. What is amazing is how tastefully written this story is, given the subject matter. Not lewd or crude at all, but really amusing. Worth the 5-10 minutes it takes to read.
Most Recent Customer Reviews
This is such a great book. I was sooooo humored and entertained, I finished the book in one sitting. Very imaginative! Great book!Published 16 days ago by Xabbyy
Meh, it was a gag gift. The story was okay, predictable, but okay.Published 28 days ago by reader twenty-six
*Book source ~ Free on Amazon
I think the title is pretty much self-explanatory. Read more
I found The Princess & The Penis highly amusing and cleverly written. I look forward to reading more stories by RJ Silver!Published 2 months ago by Amazon Customer
This book was a fun read as an adult. Even if it was only about straight cis-gender interactions. I could see a parent giving this story to a child as an opener for the sex... Read morePublished 3 months ago by Tiffany gooden
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