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Private Lies: Infidelity and the Betrayal of Intimacy Paperback – November 17, 1990
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From Publishers Weekly
For people who suspect their spouses are having a secret romantic affair, or are coping with the aftermath of one, this primer offers sensible counsel, albeit in pedestrian, chatty prose. From case studies of 100 adulterous couples whom he has treated, Pittman, a psychiatrist in Atlanta, draws profiles of four basic patterns of betrayal: accidental flings which "just happen"; habitual philandering, which he believes to be motivated by insecurity and fear of the opposite sex; crazy, in-love romantic states that cloud one's judgment; and marital arrangements ranging from sexual supplements to flamboyant revenge affairs. His deflation of "popular myths" about affairs is less than startling. More helpful are sections on what to look for in a marriage partner, dealing with jealousy, remarriage (unions between a divorcing partner and the "affairee" have a low success rate) and the traumatic effects of secret affairs on children. First serial to Self.
Copyright 1988 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to the Hardcover edition.
“Dr. Pittman takes us on a remarkably informative foray into the unknown territory of marital infidelity. Private Lies manages to be delightfully readable, compassionate and awfully funny at the same time.”
- Maggie Scarf
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Top customer reviews
People who commit these horrible acts have no idea what devastation they cause. Selfishness rules the day when it comes to cheating.
I pity any person who betray's the trust of a spouse, there are just some consequences that will be unavoidable but necessary.
Loved this book too because the author doesn't give the usual "it takes 2 to make something not work" He goes in for the kill on the cheater and how it's their actions, period.
While the author's assertion that an affair isn't necessarily the end of a relationship is valid, his implications that the betrayed partner is obligated to forgive the errant partner (comparing the "infidel" to a naughty child) and keep the marriage together no matter what, barring physical abuse of course, shows him to be clueless and insensitive to the humiliating and heartbreaking ordeal of the betrayed partner, especially in the face of repeat infidelities. He even throws in the implication that to preserve the marriage, a betrayed spouse may need to live with an "arrangement" to allow for "lapses" in their partner's fidelity.
All of that being said, if you are looking for a textbook case explanation for infidelity, this book would be an interesting read. If you are looking for a book that will help you in the healing process or gives concrete help with trying to repair your relationship, I don't recommend this book...I'd recommend "Not Just Friends" by Shirley Glass and "First Aid for the Betrayed" by Richard Alan.