Top positive review
39 people found this helpful
Every career woman who wants to also have a truly happy marriage (married or not) MUST read this!!!
on January 30, 2016
I buy tons of things on Amazon and this is the first time I feel the urge to write a review. In one word, this book saved my marriage!
I met my husband four years ago and we have been married for three years with a beautiful baby boy. Our relationship started full of passionate love. It was love of the first sight, and then after time passes by, we truly believed we were made for each other and we were each other's soul mates. We both felt the other person satisfied every fantasy we had on every dimension when it comes to the other half that's supposed to complete us. I regarded him as the manly man and my hero and he regarded me as his sweet flower. We were both around 30 years old, so we were not some teenagers who have never seen other men or women.
We got engaged six months after we met and got married six months after the engagement. We can't even wait for a year to plan the wedding! Then we had a baby a year later. The arrival of the baby changed everything. First we started to have different strong opinions regarding how to care for the tiny baby, then it's his family, then my family. All of sudden, before we knew it, we were pretty much fighting about everything, no matter how trivial it is. I felt true despair. If what we had cannot be called true love, then what can? I stepped into marriage with the rosy view that with our true l love, admiration for each other, nothing will stand in the way of our happy ever after life. The reality is the opposite.
And all the conflicts are not there because one of us is slacking off or shirking the responsibilities as a parent. We both work really hard and are terrific parents. I have a career but managed to breastfeed my baby until he is almost two. I clean, do laundry, and cook fresh delicious home-made meal for dinner every day. He works super hard at his job and he provides a great life for the family (a big house, nice cars, etc etc.). Once he gets off work, he comes home right away to take care of the baby. He devotes all his time on the weekend to the baby without me asking for it. And we truly still love each other. When we fight, we both feel deeply hurt and still care about each other. So we make up, but then something will trigger another fight a week later. The cycle continues.
So I searched for answers. I believe in solutions in every problem. Finally I came across this book. Even with all the great reviews, I was skeptical initially. Then I was completely blown away by the truth revealed in the book. For example, I used to believe since we have true love between my husband and me, so I am supposed to "share" whatever is on my mind whenever I want. If his reaction is not what I expected (patient, understanding etc., the stuff depicted in a movie), I get annoyed. So quote this book "Somehow wives have come to believe that with respect to communication, more is better. Wrong. More appropriately selected and times is better." So true! Another example is I love him so much because I think he is such a manly man. As a result, I neglected the fact that he has emotional weakness too. And he actually relies on me more for emotional support that I need him! (As we girls are natural talkers and we talk to everybody.) But I just brushed it off as he is not being himself.
I think the root of the problem is that as an independent career woman, we have been influenced too much by the feminism stuff. When I was growing up, my mom always "work hard and be independent, then you don't have to rely on a man and be his submissive wife." So I equate "a submissive wife" with "a loving understanding wife who respects his husband's opinions". Even though all these are subconscious cuz I always think of myself as a woman with traditional value, who acknowledge the differences between genders, who think some extreme values of feminism are actually hurting women. I didn't know I was influenced subconsciously!
If I ever have a daughter of my own one day, this is what I will tell her: work hard, and be independent, just because you want to be responsible for yourself as a human being, not for any other reasons. Don't have extreme views regarding men, they are not untrustworthy but they are not your savior either. Treat them as a truly equal. Respect them, love them, and they will return in ten folds.
The only negative part of this book, is that the author seems to try sneaking in some religious stuff related to God. You can just ignore it if you are not religious. Doesn't reduce the value of the book.