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on January 30, 2016
I buy tons of things on Amazon and this is the first time I feel the urge to write a review. In one word, this book saved my marriage!

I met my husband four years ago and we have been married for three years with a beautiful baby boy. Our relationship started full of passionate love. It was love of the first sight, and then after time passes by, we truly believed we were made for each other and we were each other's soul mates. We both felt the other person satisfied every fantasy we had on every dimension when it comes to the other half that's supposed to complete us. I regarded him as the manly man and my hero and he regarded me as his sweet flower. We were both around 30 years old, so we were not some teenagers who have never seen other men or women.

We got engaged six months after we met and got married six months after the engagement. We can't even wait for a year to plan the wedding! Then we had a baby a year later. The arrival of the baby changed everything. First we started to have different strong opinions regarding how to care for the tiny baby, then it's his family, then my family. All of sudden, before we knew it, we were pretty much fighting about everything, no matter how trivial it is. I felt true despair. If what we had cannot be called true love, then what can? I stepped into marriage with the rosy view that with our true l love, admiration for each other, nothing will stand in the way of our happy ever after life. The reality is the opposite.

And all the conflicts are not there because one of us is slacking off or shirking the responsibilities as a parent. We both work really hard and are terrific parents. I have a career but managed to breastfeed my baby until he is almost two. I clean, do laundry, and cook fresh delicious home-made meal for dinner every day. He works super hard at his job and he provides a great life for the family (a big house, nice cars, etc etc.). Once he gets off work, he comes home right away to take care of the baby. He devotes all his time on the weekend to the baby without me asking for it. And we truly still love each other. When we fight, we both feel deeply hurt and still care about each other. So we make up, but then something will trigger another fight a week later. The cycle continues.

So I searched for answers. I believe in solutions in every problem. Finally I came across this book. Even with all the great reviews, I was skeptical initially. Then I was completely blown away by the truth revealed in the book. For example, I used to believe since we have true love between my husband and me, so I am supposed to "share" whatever is on my mind whenever I want. If his reaction is not what I expected (patient, understanding etc., the stuff depicted in a movie), I get annoyed. So quote this book "Somehow wives have come to believe that with respect to communication, more is better. Wrong. More appropriately selected and times is better." So true! Another example is I love him so much because I think he is such a manly man. As a result, I neglected the fact that he has emotional weakness too. And he actually relies on me more for emotional support that I need him! (As we girls are natural talkers and we talk to everybody.) But I just brushed it off as he is not being himself.

I think the root of the problem is that as an independent career woman, we have been influenced too much by the feminism stuff. When I was growing up, my mom always "work hard and be independent, then you don't have to rely on a man and be his submissive wife." So I equate "a submissive wife" with "a loving understanding wife who respects his husband's opinions". Even though all these are subconscious cuz I always think of myself as a woman with traditional value, who acknowledge the differences between genders, who think some extreme values of feminism are actually hurting women. I didn't know I was influenced subconsciously!

If I ever have a daughter of my own one day, this is what I will tell her: work hard, and be independent, just because you want to be responsible for yourself as a human being, not for any other reasons. Don't have extreme views regarding men, they are not untrustworthy but they are not your savior either. Treat them as a truly equal. Respect them, love them, and they will return in ten folds.

The only negative part of this book, is that the author seems to try sneaking in some religious stuff related to God. You can just ignore it if you are not religious. Doesn't reduce the value of the book.
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on June 20, 2017
This book was an eye opener.

& by the title I did not expect it to be.

I think EVERY woman should read this book.

I picked this book up as a joke while doing a 50s housewife challenge (to head off my new job as a homemaker, having worked full-time before).

I expected it to be either very antiquated or sexist, and found it to be neither.

This book is about stuff that should probably be obvious, but sadly I think a lot of women (myself included) have gotten caught up in negative attitudes, negative talk, & negative expectations at times.

This negativity makes life worse for ourselves, not just our significant others, whom we are supposed to care about, but may not be treating them in that way.

This book showed me that some of the things I have done & said in relationships were incredibly rude & selfish/inconsiderate.

This is the 3rd copy I have purchased.

The 2nd copy I gave to my mother (also a homemaker), whom I was not sure would enjoy the book but I told her that I thought it could make HER happier.

Just this Father's Day I went over & she had actually made dinner for the first time in years. It was really good. I thought my mom COULD cook, but we (us kids) have never really seen her try until now (I think she used to when we were younger, ~4 or younger, but I do not remember).

I guess we all get caught up in some sort of entitlement like "why should "I" have to do that?!" but the question could easily be, "why should he have to do that??"

It is a QUICK read, for myself personally, it took me maybe 3 days, could take a week if you are exceptionally busy.
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on September 2, 2017
I am 33 year old woman. I work, have kids and a husband. I find myself like most women losing myself, focusing on the kids and forgetting to give my husband attention. This book taught me the difference between being a wife and a mother and that I need to be both and,not,one or he other. I can take csre of my family and still save private time for my husband. Ladies, I know its 2017 but there,is nothing wrong with dressing up for you husband, making him dinner, rubbing hi back and letting him make some decisions.
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on September 25, 2017
I just finished reading this book and my marriage is already so much better. It helps you to know how to respect your husband so he treats you the way you deserve to be treated. I highly recommend this book, already bought it again for others and lent out my copy.
If you are wanting to find a way to love you husband better, be more understanding of the things he does, and not go crazy by the man things he does this book will open your eyes and help you be better. I also like her emphasis that the woman has the biggest influence on the mood of the home.
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on November 11, 2016
Dr. Laura is the best - I bought this book for a friend and I had to buy another copy for myself (although I already read it); It's a great book to read and then re-read when you get your nose out of joint! Dr. Laura's wisdom is always welcoming and she writes as well as she speaks on her show. Honestly... Please read this book if you have a hard time dealing with your hubby's short-comings. Dr. Laura truly puts everything into perspective. This book is super helpful.
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on January 11, 2017
It should be every day common sense, and was pretty much when I was growing up, but the entitlement mindset has seeped into marriage, too. This is an excellent wake-up call, and a great reminder to pay attention to how we treat those who are supposed to be our primary priority.
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on March 16, 2015
I read this, thought it was pretty spot-on, and then asked my husband's opinion. He read it and said if his ex-wife had ever read it (well, and comprehended/executed some of the points), she might still be married to him. Since this is about the care and feeding of husbands, not the delicate sensibilities of possibly offended wives, I'd say his opinion is more important than mine on this. And he thinks it should be a must-read for young women, married or not.
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on February 18, 2015
I am in my early twenties and not even considering getting married for about 5 more years and I adored this book. I figured I should read this BEFORE I'm in an unhappy marriage so I know what not to do, act or say before that time comes. I love Dr. Laura and her talk show. This was an amazing book and I will most likely reread it once I get engaged. I love how you got Dr. Laura's, wife's and husbands point of view.
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on August 20, 2017
We are almost done reading but immediately this book changed our marriage. We were arguing almost daily for months.... now we have had about 1 arguement in about 2 months and we resolved it easily. HIGHLY RECOMMEND THIS!!!! Dr. Laura is also on Sirius stars channel mon - fri - she is awesome if you like hearing the truth
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on September 23, 2017
My marriage is not necessarily in trouble, but I heard about this book, so I checked it out. It gave me a lot of validation, because most of the advice in here I already do. It gave me more understanding on how men and women think differently, for sure. Though our marriage is great, there's always room for improvement, and I appreciate the candid, open and honest input provided here. Though the small issues we have in our relationship aren't covered here, it definitely helped me to understand more. Ladies, it works. Listen to her.
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