Top critical review
7 people found this helpful
SPELL-CHECK IS NOT AN EDITOR.
on November 14, 2012
The plot for this book sounded very interesting, and I was genuinely looking forward to reading it.
I gave it three stars ONLY because I thought the storyline and ideas were great: a designated Protector falls in love with his sovereign, there are some fantasy fiction elements to the whole thing, bad guys to fight off, and an arranged marriage that is to no one's liking. Nicely thought out.
My gut feeling, though, was to give it one star, because the actual execution of the writing was so, so, SO poorly done. Misuse of words kept ripping me right out of the story in frustration. On multiple occasions, I almost stopped reading the book, but wanted to finish and give the storyline a chance.
Learn the difference between "you're" and "your"; read up on homophones and figure out why "peaked" doesn't mean the same thing as "peeked"; STOP RELYING ON SPELL-CHECK to catch your mistakes, so you don't type embarrassing things like "granite" instead of "granted" -- or my personal favorite, "Ludacris!" rather than "ludicrous!" when council members were shouting. Why would the council be shouting out the name of a rapper?
While the discretionary use of more or less commas is acceptable, depending on the author or editor, there are many situations where a comma is NOT optional, and this also was an issue that kept dragging me out of the story, as I was forced to re-read passages in order to figure out what the heck was going on and where the emphasis was to be placed. This seemed to happen most frequently when someone was speaking (no comma prior to the quotation) or when someone was being addressed directly (a comma is used to separate that person's name from what you're telling them; e.g. "Look at me Drake" should be "Look at me, Drake.") In one instance, early in the book, someone said something about "Jonathan Drake," and it took me a moment to realize the speaker was talking to Drake about someone named Jonathan, rather than talking about someone named Jonathan Drake. The correct usage would be something like, "She's over there with Jonathan, Drake."
All of the above-mentioned things are very basic for any writer. While I am glad for self-publishing ability, I fear it has created an entire generation of "authors" who have nothing more than a high school creative writing class under their belts with no real foundation.
A note to this author: Your mind is obviously creative enough to have thought up a good plot, as well as the details to make it work. Don't sell yourself short by assuming you can do it all without any advisors or help. You're only cheating yourself of readers in the long run. If you are serious about wanting to get your work out there and recognized as worth reading, take the time to do it right. Your work deserves your best.
I hope the second book of this series shows in improvement in your writing, because I am sincerely looking forward to reading more about Drake and Addison and the future of the kingdom.