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The Purchase of Intimacy Hardcover – August 21, 2005
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In their personal lives, people consider it essential to separate economics and intimacy. We have, for example, a long-standing taboo against workplace romance, while we see marital love as different from prostitution because it is not a fundamentally financial exchange. In The Purchase of Intimacy, Viviana Zelizer mounts a provocative challenge to this view. Getting to the heart of one of life's greatest taboos, she shows how we all use economic activity to create, maintain, and renegotiate important ties--especially intimate ties--to other people.
In everyday life, we invest intense effort and worry to strike the right balance. For example, when a wife's income equals or surpasses her husband's, how much more time should the man devote to household chores or child care? Sometimes legal disputes arise. Should the surviving partner in a same-sex relationship have received compensation for a partner's death as a result of 9/11?
Through a host of compelling examples, Zelizer shows us why price is central to three key areas of intimacy: sexually tinged relations; health care by family members, friends, and professionals; and household economics. She draws both on research and materials ranging from reports on compensation to survivors of 9/11 victims to financial management Web sites and advice books for same-sex couples.
From the bedroom to the courtroom, The Purchase of Intimacy opens a fascinating new window on the inner workings of the economic processes that pervade our private lives.
- Print length368 pages
- LanguageEnglish
- PublisherPrinceton University Press
- Publication dateAugust 21, 2005
- Dimensions6.25 x 1 x 9.25 inches
- ISBN-100691124086
- ISBN-13978-0691124087
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Editorial Reviews
Review
"Zelizer's book does an excellent job in demystifying the intertwining of economic activity and intimacy."---Xiaoshuo Hou, Theory and Society
"The theoretical importance of this book cannot be overstated, and it cannot fail to have a lasting impact on our understanding of a variety of intimate relationships, of the circulation of money, of care, of interest, and mostly of their inextricable intertwining. . . . [T]his book is a major contribution to sociology and . . . it provides a very significant challenge to the dichotomies on which sociology rests. The tight elegance of its prose and style will make it a joy to the undergraduate student, while the scope, ambition, and originality of its argument will make it indispensable to scholars."---Eva Illouz, American Journal of Sociology
"Zelizer offers a perspective that focuses attention on incomplete commensurability, an essential task where markets and supposedly non market realms intersect. In doing so, Zelizer's approach gives judges, academics, lawyers, and lay people a vantage point on markets and intimacy that reflects how people actually live their lives."---Martha M. Ertman, Law & Social Inquiry
Review
"Do you think that the realm of money and the realm of intimacy are separate spheres? Viviana Zelizer will make you think again. A fascinating demonstration that romantic relationships are pervaded by transactions of multiple sorts―and that we ignore those transactions at our peril."―Cass Sunstein, author of Republic.com
"Zelizer demolishes the idea that caring and commerce inhabit two separate and mutually exclusive realms. As she shows in a wide range of examples drawn from marriage, the sex trade, and the caring professions, love and money have always been intimately intertwined. A fascinating and even liberating book."―Ann Crittenden, author of The Price of Motherhood and If You've Raised Kids, You Can Manage Anything
"Viviana Zelizer has long been known as the world's most astute, discerning, and original cultural analyst of economic processes. Here, she brings together the two streams of her work in a mighty river of a book. The Purchase of Intimacy will be read for years to come."―Charles Tilly, Joseph L. Buttenweiser Professor of Social Science, Columbia University, author of Roads from Past to Future
"Author of the classic The Social Meaning of Money, Viviana Zelizer here draws many examples from the law and from studies of everyday life to illuminate the wondrous variety of ways money and intimacy continuously mix. Carefully researched and clearly argued, The Purchase of Intimacy is an important and challenging read for scholars and nonscholars alike."―Arlie Russell Hochschild, author of The Commercialization of Intimate Life and coeditor of Global Woman
"Here, Viviana Zelizer explores the fascinating interplay of intimate relationships and economic interest, using legal cases as her raw material. Rejecting simplistic interpretations that privilege either economics or culture, she charts a middle course of 'connected lives' that reveals the complexity and richness of her subject matter. Zelizer provides an exhaustively researched, original, and carefully argued analysis that, like her previous classics, is sure to transform the way scholars think about economics and social relations."―Juliet Schor, Boston College, author of Born to Buy and The Overworked American
"This terrific book establishes the commodification of intimacy as something that now cannot be ignored."―Carol Sanger, Barbara Aronstein Black Professor of Law, Columbia University
From the Inside Flap
"The interactions of our private lives consist of subtle blends of acts of intimacy and economic exchange, which the legal system awkwardly deconstructs when things go wrong. This beautiful book will gently guide you through the many ironies of intimate exchange."--Daniel Kahneman, Princeton University, and Nobel Laureate in Economic Sciences
"Do you think that the realm of money and the realm of intimacy are separate spheres? Viviana Zelizer will make you think again. A fascinating demonstration that romantic relationships are pervaded by transactions of multiple sorts--and that we ignore those transactions at our peril."--Cass Sunstein, author of Republic.com
"Zelizer demolishes the idea that caring and commerce inhabit two separate and mutually exclusive realms. As she shows in a wide range of examples drawn from marriage, the sex trade, and the caring professions, love and money have always been intimately intertwined. A fascinating and even liberating book."--Ann Crittenden, author of The Price of Motherhood and If You've Raised Kids, You Can Manage Anything
"Viviana Zelizer has long been known as the worlds most astute, discerning, and original cultural analyst of economic processes. Here, she brings together the two streams of her work in a mighty river of a book. The Purchase of Intimacy will be read for years to come."--Charles Tilly, Joseph L. Buttenweiser Professor of Social Science, Columbia University, author of Roads from Past to Future
"Author of the classic The Social Meaning of Money, Viviana Zelizer here draws many examples from the law and from studies of everyday life to illuminate the wondrous variety of ways money and intimacy continuously mix. Carefully researched and clearly argued, The Purchase of Intimacy is an important and challenging read for scholars and nonscholars alike."--Arlie Russell Hochschild, author of The Commercialization of Intimate Life and coeditor of Global Woman
"Here, Viviana Zelizer explores the fascinating interplay of intimate relationships and economic interest, using legal cases as her raw material. Rejecting simplistic interpretations that privilege either economics or culture, she charts a middle course of 'connected lives' that reveals the complexity and richness of her subject matter. Zelizer provides an exhaustively researched, original, and carefully argued analysis that, like her previous classics, is sure to transform the way scholars think about economics and social relations."--Juliet Schor, Boston College, author of Born to Buy and The Overworked American
"This terrific book establishes the commodification of intimacy as something that now cannot be ignored."--Carol Sanger, Barbara Aronstein Black Professor of Law, Columbia University
From the Back Cover
"The interactions of our private lives consist of subtle blends of acts of intimacy and economic exchange, which the legal system awkwardly deconstructs when things go wrong. This beautiful book will gently guide you through the many ironies of intimate exchange."--Daniel Kahneman, Princeton University, and Nobel Laureate in Economic Sciences
"Do you think that the realm of money and the realm of intimacy are separate spheres? Viviana Zelizer will make you think again. A fascinating demonstration that romantic relationships are pervaded by transactions of multiple sorts--and that we ignore those transactions at our peril."--Cass Sunstein, author of Republic.com
"Zelizer demolishes the idea that caring and commerce inhabit two separate and mutually exclusive realms. As she shows in a wide range of examples drawn from marriage, the sex trade, and the caring professions, love and money have always been intimately intertwined. A fascinating and even liberating book."--Ann Crittenden, author ofThe Price of Motherhood and If You've Raised Kids, You Can Manage Anything
"Viviana Zelizer has long been known as the world's most astute, discerning, and original cultural analyst of economic processes. Here, she brings together the two streams of her work in a mighty river of a book. The Purchase of Intimacy will be read for years to come."--Charles Tilly, Joseph L. Buttenweiser Professor of Social Science, Columbia University, author ofRoads from Past to Future
"Author of the classic The Social Meaning of Money, Viviana Zelizer here draws many examples from the law and from studies of everyday life to illuminate the wondrous variety of ways money and intimacy continuously mix. Carefully researched and clearly argued, The Purchase of Intimacy is an important and challenging read for scholars and nonscholars alike."--Arlie Russell Hochschild, author ofThe Commercialization of Intimate Life and coeditor of Global Woman
"Here, Viviana Zelizer explores the fascinating interplay of intimate relationships and economic interest, using legal cases as her raw material. Rejecting simplistic interpretations that privilege either economics or culture, she charts a middle course of 'connected lives' that reveals the complexity and richness of her subject matter. Zelizer provides an exhaustively researched, original, and carefully argued analysis that, like her previous classics, is sure to transform the way scholars think about economics and social relations."--Juliet Schor, Boston College, author of Born to Buy andThe Overworked American
"This terrific book establishes the commodification of intimacy as something that now cannot be ignored."--Carol Sanger, Barbara Aronstein Black Professor of Law, Columbia University
About the Author
Product details
- Publisher : Princeton University Press (August 21, 2005)
- Language : English
- Hardcover : 368 pages
- ISBN-10 : 0691124086
- ISBN-13 : 978-0691124087
- Item Weight : 1.45 pounds
- Dimensions : 6.25 x 1 x 9.25 inches
- Best Sellers Rank: #3,471,539 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #9,113 in Interpersonal Relations (Books)
- #44,224 in Economics (Books)
- #45,798 in Sociology (Books)
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Contrary to the common view of separate spheres or conflicting realms, people often mingle economic activity with intimacy. Across a wide range of intimate relations, people manage to integrate monetary transfers into large webs of mutual obligations without destroying the social ties involved. Intimate relations not only incorporate economic activity, but depend on it and organize it. Money cohabits regularly with intimacy, and even sustains it.
Then why is it that people worry so much about mixing intimacy and economic transactions, fearing for example that introducing money into friendship, marriage, or parent-child relations will corrupt them, or stating emphatically that sentiments have no place in a commercial relationship?
The idea that economic claims and human relationships belong to hostile worlds emerge from the effort to mark and defend boundaries between categories of social ties that contain some common elements and that, if confused, would threaten existing relations of trust. Looking meticulously at caring relations reveals that participants themselves do not contend over whether those relations should involve economic transactions. They contend instead over the appropriate matches among relations, media, and transactions. For participants, the secret is to match the right sort of monetary payment with the social transaction at hand. The matching depends strongly on the definition of the social ties among the parties. People therefore adopt symbols, rituals, practices and physically distinguishable forms of money to mark distinct social relations.
In Viviana Zelizer's words, people perform "relational work" by creating viable matches between personal ties, transactions, media, and boundaries. Economic practices such as major purchases, household budgets, provision of health care, and ceremonial gifts engage participants in selecting appropriate media for payment, matching that media with transactions, assigning meaning to their relationships, and marking boundaries that separate intimate relationships from other relationships with which they might easily and dangerously be confused. Relational work includes the establishment of differentiated social ties, their maintenance, their reshaping, their distinction from other relations, and sometimes their termination.
What happens when participants in intimate social relations bring their disputes to court? Courts also perform a variety of relational work. They consult a matrix of possible relations among the parties involved, locate the relationship at hand within that matrix, establish distinctions from other relationships, and within the relationship insist on the proper matching of relations, transactions, and media. In their reasoning, courts strongly invoke separate spheres and hostile worlds arguments. They defend the principle that the home should be protected from market influences, and that business should not mix with pleasure, since contamination runs in both directions. But in practice courts engage in a complex matching of certain forms of intimacy to particular types of economic transactions. They discriminate strongly between appropriate and inappropriate matchings. In fact, both ordinary practice and legal doctrine accept and even encourage the mingling of intimate care with economic transactions, just so long as the proper matching of relationship, transaction, and medium occurs.
Viviana Zelizer brings a wide variety of sociological studies and legal cases to illustrate her point. Readers will discover the world of taxi dancing, when a ten-cent ticket could buy you sixty seconds of dancing with a young woman. They will learn about the power plays that occur between children and their grandparents who depend on the remittances sent by Dominican immigrants. They will seize the crucial distinctions that people make to characterize a social relationship and to distinguish it from similar relations. Is the person hired to provide care for children a babysitter, someone sitting in, a day mother, a nanny, a caregiver, a special friend, or the neighbors' daughter? Are people going on a date together hooking up, going out, hanging around, going steady, seeing a "friend with benefits" or simply dating? And who gets to pay the bill?
This book also offers a glimpse into the social meaning of money. Money is gendered: "when his money pays for certain essential expenses, they are necessary; when her money does, they are extras". It is non-fungible: far from treating lump payments from the earned income tax credit as simply more income of the same old kind, households typically distinguish "tax money" from "paycheck money", often earmarking windfall money for exceptional commitments, such as down payments on houses, buying cars, consumer durables, school tuition, family celebrations, and liquidation of major debts. The type of payment system matters for the relation: in fact, even in the economic world, we have extensive evidence of how much the form of compensation matters for CEOs of large companies, who ordinarily receive a wide range of perquisites in addition to straight monetary payments.
The legal case studies in the book also introduce many arcane legal categories: prenuptial agreement, conditional gifts, exchange of considerations, breach of promise, alienation of affection, lost marital consortium, undue influence, the law of coverture or the legal doctrine of meretricious consideration. Each of these terms brings its own set of further understandings and legal practices.
One motivation behind the study is to open the space for arguments that are silenced by the strict separation between intimacy and economic exchange. Feminist legal scholars, for instance, claim that separation of spheres fundamentally undermines women's interest.Turning traditional women's work exclusively into a matter of sentiment dangerously obscures its economic value. "Women's key problem has been too little commodification, not too much". The assumption that family work is an expression of love disregards that family work is also labor. The principle that money cannot buy love may have the unintended and perverse consequence of perpetuating low pay for face-to-face service work.
As the author concludes, "we should stop agonizing over whether or not money corrupts, but instead analyze what combinations of economic activity and intimate relations produce happier, more just, and more productive lives."
The arguments are phrased to appeal to a wide range of ideologies (but probably not the religious right). But the style is dry, and the numerous legal cases and other examples quickly become tedious and often unneeded. It's hard to imagine what kind of person would want to read more than the first 100 pages plus the final chapter.
She uses a broader definition of intimacy than I expected, but provides plenty of hints as to why that is appropriate.
One nice example of her evidence is the fact that buying a pet doesn't prevent people from loving the pet.
One strange passage which raises a few doubts about the otherwise apparently good research behind the book is the definition of "the unfamiliar term polyamory" which makes no reference to love and hints that it typically refers to non-romantic relationships.





