- File Size: 2733 KB
- Print Length: 256 pages
- Simultaneous Device Usage: Unlimited
- Publisher: Moguly Media LLC (February 7, 2016)
- Publication Date: February 7, 2016
- Sold by: Amazon Digital Services LLC
- Language: English
- ASIN: B01BK8YSRQ
- Text-to-Speech: Enabled
- Word Wise: Enabled
- Lending: Enabled
- Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,106,894 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)
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Putting Kids First in Divorce: How to Reduce Conflict, Preserve Relationships and Protect Children During and After Divorce Kindle Edition
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This book is essential reading for anyone with children who is contemplating divorce, and who needs a guidebook on what they need to think about, and who to turn to, at a time when they might otherwise feel lost and in desperate need of support.
Parents who have already decided to approach their divorce through mediation may choose to skip to chapter 3 but the first two chapters can still serve as a helpful reminder of why they are focused on a resolution outside of court. The book then moves into the psychology of co-parenting and the various ways that the approach taken by parents can significantly impact the amount of harm that children experience in the process. I quite like how the various mediators and other professionals interviewed in the book discuss that they no longer believe that it is as simple as saying that every divorce harms children, but that sometimes a careful approach to the process can make it so positive that it is better than subjecting the children to parents who fight all the time. Many of the professionals interviewed in the book consider this alternative approach to involve a mediator or a divorce coach. I often refer my clients to mediators and I think this is usually a good step when children are involved. The chapters feel like reading the transcript from a podcast, which I like because it maintains that personal feel.
Later chapters address a number practical tips. Suggestions range from the big picture approach to the the divorce process to the boundaries that are important between the two parents and the things you should and shouldn't say to your children through the process. Each of these has examples so that can be immediately applied. Some chapters explain just how you might speak to the children about what led to the breakdown of the relationship without sharing adult issues with them. Overall, one theme I see in all the chapters is the importance of recognizing that once you are going through divorce it is not appropriate to attack the other parent but that providing the most positive environment for the children is your highest priority. Chapter 8 makes a great handbook for discussing big issues with your children while keeping everything positive.
I also appreciate Chapter 9's inclusion and the recognition that some people reading this book may be considering divorce but not yet so fully decided that they have given up all hope. Though some of the tips provided in Chapter 9 may not be able to help a couple that is beyond repair, reading through those ideas can help increase the chances of the next relationship avoiding the same pitfalls.
I have already recommended the book to one of my clients and I expect I will regularly continue to do so going forward as I work with clients who have children. Even those who enter into the divorce with the best of intentions may not be aware of the damage they can do by off-the-cuff remarks or subtle suggestions that they still blame the other parent for all of the problems.
Rosalind Sedacca, CLC
Founder, Child-Centered Divorce Network
Author: How Do I Tell the Kids about the Divorce?