- Hardcover: 359 pages
- Language: English
- ASIN: B00ECFLKS0
- Package Dimensions: 8.4 x 5.4 x 0.9 inches
- Shipping Weight: 13.6 ounces
- Average Customer Review: 408 customer reviews
- Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #148,289 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
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The Queen's Code Hardcover – 2013
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The Queen's Code- Paper Back The long-standing war between the sexes is the stuff of legend. In TV ads, sitcoms and chick flicks everywhere, we've all seen the images - the long suffering woman and the clueless, insensitive man. But what if it's all a misunderstanding? In this fairy tale for the contemporary woman, Kimberlee seeks advice and discovers a treasure chest of esoteric knowledge hidden within her own family. As she unravels the mysteries of men's behavior in this romantic journey, so will you. As she learns the Language of Heroes, and transforms how she relates to men, so will you. Whether you're in love with men or frustrated by them - or both - The Queen's Code creates a new ethic and approach for interacting with men in a way that honors both sexes. From eight distinct points-of-view, you'll get an intimate look inside the hearts and minds of both men and women as we struggle to understand ourselves and each other.
Top customer reviews
First, let me qualify my background, and why I bought this book:
I'm an expert on men.
Oh sure, lots of people may say that, but I actually mean that I am a professional expert on men. No, I'm not a lady of the evening, I'm something much lower than that - I'm a lawyer. In fact, I was one of the very first fathers' rights lawyers in the United States, with a career spanning about 30 years working with single fathers, and a *lot* of that was counselling and coaching them. So, I got, very early on, how men communicate, filter, react, share, bottle up (did I mention react) *much* differently than women, and how the translation that takes place between "she speaks, he hears" and "he speaks, she hears" is *so very vital to understand*! (Oh yeah, I'm also an author of a book on men - and coach about the differences between men and women - specifically for single fathers.)
I'm also very familiar with what our society is doing to our boys (and causing our women and girls to do to our boys - have you ever seen the "Boys are stupid, throw rocks at them" products? No? Here you go: Boys Are Stupid Throw Rocks At Them t-shirt Think you could get away with a "girls are stupid, throw rocks at them" product line?)
I actually heard about this book from a friend who was basically mocking it. That made me curious, so I came to Amazon to look it up. And, based on my work with men, and advocacy for boys, when I saw *men* posting reviews, saying things like "I have to say that this book blew my mind. Having a feminist mother and growing up in a time when men have been looked down upon for being men, I grew up knowing masculine shame," I knew I had to get it and read it.
I have to tell you it was *so* refreshing to read another woman who gets it! And who gets that by trying to make men be like women we are not only doing a disservice to men, and screwing up our boys, but that we are doing a disservice to *ourselves* (women). By *honouring* the differences, it allows men to also honour *our* differences.
But much more importantly, in this book Armstrong really explains how what we do to men is causing *us* (again, women) so much frustration, resentment, and anger, and robbing us of the joy *we ourselves* can experience.
No, this is *not* a Dr. Laura-esque "wrap yourself in saran wrap and submit to your man" book. Not at all. It's a "understand the differences, and speak to his strengths instead of bitching about his weaknesses - which are often *your* perception of 'weakness', and not really a weakness at all - it's a *difference*" book.
(Ok, I feel like I'm getting on a soapbox now...let me climb back down (I'm only 5'3, so I need that soapbox).)
What is interesting about this book is that rather than a typical "do this, do that" tome, it's a narrative told in the form of a story. Sure, some of it is a little hokey ("frog farmer"? Really?) but the brilliance of this is that it gets the point across in a way that isn't all "do this, do that" or preachy.
So, I got the book last night, and started reading it. I got about 15% of the way through (got the Kindle edition, that's how I know). Then I put out the light and went to sleep.
This morning, I had a conversation with TMWMITU (The Most Wonderful Man in the Universe). It was a conversation - about a potentially touchy subject - which could have gone very, *very* wrong. But, as the conversation was unfolding I suddenly remembered the things I'd read last night...and ohmygod...this was *exactly* that sort of situation. So I took a deep breath, and practiced what I'd read just 8 hours earlier. Which blew me away because, in case I haven't mentioned it, I've been working in this field for nearly 30 years. But that's the magic of this book - you read it like a story, and it sticks in your head for when you need it.
And guess what? ...TAHDAH! What *could* have been an awful, even relationship-ending conversation, instead went down the path of a *fantastic* conversation, with a wonderful resolution, and me feeling closer to him and happier than ever! (Now, wouldn't you like to feel that way?? If your answer is "no", then I submit that you need this book even more, because you may well be holding on to a lot of resentment, and self-righteous anger.)
Because this book is truly right in my own wheelhouse of my expertise, I sincerely invite any of you to drop me a line (click on my name and "see more" to find my email address) and ask me any question that you may have, and that you think I could be helpful in answering.
POINTS OF THE BOOK:
1.)WE EMASCULATE MEN.
2.)MEN DO NOT THINK LIKE WOMEN. WE PUNISH MEN BECAUSE WE THINK THAT THEY ARE JUST HAIRY WOMEN MISBEHAVING, BUT THEY THINK NOTHING LIKE US BECAUSE THEY HAVE FOCUSED AWARENESS (ONE MINDEDNESS/ CAN GO TO TARGET AND GET THE ONE THING THEY WENT IN FOR) AND WE HAVE DIFUSE AWARENESS (NOTICE EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING THAT NEEDS TO BE DONE AT ONE TIME).(Which is why they will step over clothes in the floor to get to whatever thing they were set on doing.. they never see the clothes, and we punish them by nagging as though they did see the clothes and refused to help)
3.)MEN NEED TO BE PROVIDERS AND HEROES. USE THESE WORDS (called the language of heroes in the book)AND BUILD UP YOUR MAN. MAKE HIM ADORE YOU WITH YOUR CHARMS AND EDIFICATION AND HE WILL BEGIN TO LIFT YOU UP AND WANT TO PLEASE YOU.
I have to say that this book blew my mind. Having a feminist mother and growing up in a time when men have been looked down upon for being men, I grew up knowing masculine shame.
When I got out of high school, that shame turned into anger... anger towards women. And the first decade of my grownup dating life was filled with destructive relationships, lots of pain and frustration, and copious amounts of blame. I thought relationships were about fighting to get your needs met.
I thought women just wanted to hurt and humiliate men.
It wasn't until I was 28 when I thought to myself... "There must be a better way."
This book outlines that better way... at least part of it. Relationships are about partnership now... where two people work together to get their needs met. You get into a relationship because of how you enrich each others lives.
If you are currently struggling with your relationships to men... like you're angry at men... you think they're liars and cheaters... you think they aren't trust worthy... then GET THIS BOOK.
It will help you change your perspective on men and how relationships COULD be. Powerful stuff. I recommend it for women AND for men.
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Thank you for the lessons!Read more