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Questions Couples Ask Behind Closed Doors: How to Take Action on the Most Common Conflicts in Marriage Paperback – November 4, 2014
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About the Author
Jim Osterhaus is a senior partner with TAG. He is a clinical psychologist and a dynamic executive coach and public speaker with extensive experience in helping individuals, couples, families, and organizations move through change, conflict, and reorganization. He brings a depth of understanding of systems and relational network thinking to his work developed from years practicing as a highly respected psychologist in Northern Virginia in addition to consulting. His experience includes a special commission established by the Vice President of the United States to consider the emotional effects of government downsizing, facilitation of the “Organizational Culture” component of the Army Staff Redesign. Recently he has developed a Gettysburg Leadership Experience, taking teams to the battlefield discussing leadership principles. He has worked extensively with the FAA, coaching vice presidents and managers, and leading workshops and seminars on various aspects of leadership. He has been quoted in the New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Seattle Times, and many other leading publications.
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Top customer reviews
This is a good resource for couples wanting to improve their marriage. Osterhaus draws on years of experience to give real-life examples of struggles couples face. From our unconscious expectations to the stages of life, Osterhaus walks us through the pitfalls and blessings of marriage. He explains the “road map” that we build in our heads that may or may not be helpful to our relationships. He offers guidance on our danger zones (those who have read his other works will be familiar with the “red” and “blue” zones of conflict. He provides solid, clear explanations of underlying issues to help the couple work together toward a solution.
Each chapter has questions for discussion and review that will help couples improve their marriage relationship, following the stages of marriage, with chapters on other circumstances such as the additional stresses of blending two families under one household.
The book ends with the most dangerous situation that a couple can face: infidelity. He carefully walks through the excuses that are often used and gives good guidelines to saving the relationship.
Overall, I would not advise a couple to pick this book up and work through it on their own, but it would be an excellent resource in a counseling setting or perhaps in a group study when led by a leader with experience in couples counseling. But it is a great resource for a counselor to walk a couple through the issues of marriage.
Disclaimer: I was provided a free copy of this book on the condition that I post reviews. I am a pastor of 14 years and have worked with about 30 couples for pre-marital and marriage counseling.
His book can serve as a primer for any couple beginning or wondering how to save or improve a long-standing relationship. He describes in enough detail, but without overwhelming anyone not familiar with the details and depth of psychology, the thread of thinking and behaving originating in our individual mental maps and connects the subsequent perceptions to filtering, framing, and posturing. He gives his readers the ability to grasp why a relationship may be strong, could be stronger, or could be in trouble. The religious parallel is that he is not exactly teaching his readers to fish, but he is teaching them to understand the elements of fishing versus merely being fed.
As I embark on a new relationshp of my own, I can use his book as a guide, a sort of self-help guide, to assess what I bring to a relationship and what I can improve upon to build and keep those essential parts of a successful partnership, which is trust and love.
The questions at the end of each chapter provide a comprehensive way for each partner to identify their feelings, confide information about themselves and begin to share in a more open and honest manner.
We highly recommend the book as a reference roadmap for couples of any age and stage of relationship who want to flourish by strengthening skills in intimacy, partnership and companionship.
Gary & Deanie Hurst
Licensed PAIRS Instructors
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