I was not raised in the quiverfull movement, nor was I homeschooled. I learned of Hillary McFarland and "Quivering Daughters" through a mutual friend who authors a blog confronting spiritual abuse. I began to occasionally read Hillary's blog as I was putting the finishing touches on my own book.
There are certain people I meet (even online) whose hearts I feel instantly connected to and this was the case for me with Hillary. I have a deep appreciation for people who are open, genuine and willingly vulnerable. I have found her to be all of those. I wanted to read her book because I was convinced she and I shared the same goal; to help others who have been wounded by spiritual abuse.
I was already in the middle of three books when "Quivering Daughters" arrived on my front porch. I was planning to read it later, but I picked it up to glance through it and wound up reading it cover to cover within the next 48 hours. Our lives do not mirror one another's in every aspect. I learned many things about a particular lifestyle I have not lived. However, as someone who grew up in a very legalistic, perfectionistic, controlling religious environment, I related to Hillary emotionally; as a woman trying to be good enough, trying to be loved, trying to please God AND people . . . but always feeling like a disappointment.
One of the things I have learned through my journey out of spiritual abuse -- and what I believe Hillary has learned as well -- is that God did not call us to please people. The priorities cultivated in many of us through cultish groups have been wrong and harmful, yet they were presented as godly principles. Therefore, even as one begins to recognize the darkness and move toward the Light, there is confusion and self-doubt because of years of false indoctrination and mind-controlling messages. The baggage is heavy and difficult to shed. I recommend this book to anyone who has struggled to heal from the deep wounds of spiritual abuse. I also recommend it to anyone who simply wants to become more educated, so you can understand and help others who have been wounded (even if you have not).
Prior to writing this review, I read the comments of others. I want to address the one review that is technically critical of Hillary's writing. As an author of a recently self-published book, I was obsessed with making my book as technically perfect as I could; second only to choosing just the right words and speaking the truth in love and compassion. I endlessly revised, rewrote and proofed my manuscript. My editor's response to my efforts was: "All books have mistakes. The important thing is a strong message. Even a literary critic will overlook minor technical errors and regard them as insignificant compared with the strength and integrity of the message."
If someone reads this book for the help and encouragement that it contains, they will hardly notice the imperfections. In my own failure to produce a "perfect" book, I was reminded that because I am imperfect, my book will be imperfect as well. And it is now comforting to me when I notice an imperfection in other books. It means I am not alone in my imperfection.
It takes a tremendous amount of courage, which only God can provide, to write an honest book on a difficult subject; one that is not welcomed by people you love and have always wanted to please. Pain is a part of the journey. Hillary, do not let the criticisms -- or even the rejection -- discourage you. Based on my own experience, I truly believe that your book is going to help many in their road to healing. As you begin to hear from those readers, the rewards will far outweigh any of the negativity you may face. May God continue to bless you in your efforts to reach out to others and point them to Jesus!
Breaking the Chains
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