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Robert Hamburger

REAL Ultimate Power: The Official Ninja Book Paperback – July 1, 2004

by Robert Hamburger (Author)

268 ratings

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Dear Stupid Idiots,

A lot of you have been saying that I don’t know anything about REAL ninjas. But that’s a bunch of bull crap! You dummies don’t know anything. And maybe YOU should get a life. I bet a lot of you have never even seen a girl naked! You idiots believe that ninjas had some “code of honor.” Yeah right! If by “code of honor,” you mean “code to flip out and go nuts for absolutely no reason at all even if it means that people might think you are totally insane or sweet,” then you are right. But if you mean a “code to be nice and speak nicely while sharing and not cutting off heads,” then you’re the biggest idiot ever!!!!!! So if you have any brains, you will shut up and get a life. So go shut up, you stupid idiot.

No thank you,

Robert Hamburger

Print length

192 pages
Language

English
Publisher

Citadel
Publication date

July 1, 2004
Dimensions

5.54 x 0.65 x 8.2 inches
ISBN-10

080652569X
ISBN-13

978-0806525693
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Product details

Publisher ‏ : ‎ Citadel; Later Printing edition (July 1, 2004)
Language ‏ : ‎ English
Paperback ‏ : ‎ 192 pages
ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 080652569X
ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-0806525693
Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 8.3 ounces
Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 5.54 x 0.65 x 8.2 inches

Best Sellers Rank: #216,336 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #109 in Sports Humor
- #236 in Sports Essays (Books)
- #259 in Computers & Internet Humor

Customer Reviews:
268 ratings

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Robert Hamburger

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5 star		75%
4 star		14%
3 star		6%
2 star		2%
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Top reviews from the United States

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A goofy, silly and humorous book for anyone interested in becoming an awesome ninja.

Reviewed in the United States on May 28, 2020

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Finally, a true and factual book on the pure awesomeness of being a ninja. If you are a cool and awesome 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, or 12 years old this is a must book to study when you have 5 or 10 minutes time to learn how to become a true ninja. In fact, your teachers may insist you do a book report on it. OOPS, I forgot real ninjas have no use for school and school teachers according to the expert writer in this awesome book. In fact, according to this awesome volume you may be retarded if you desire to become anything other than a ninja.

When I saw this 193 page black soft cover book (Real Ultimate Power: The official ninja book by Robert Hamburger) I knew it was going to be super cool man. The author begins explaining why he wrote this book on ninjas (because they are so awesome) and he moves on to some other awesome topics like: Part 1: Who are these guys and what’s their problem? Part 2: The real history of the ninjas (which will just blow your mind). Part 3: Ninjas every day: (about their super powers, ninja fantasies, romance and the ninjas). Part 4: Welcome to my dojo! (Joining a clan, becoming a ninja and ninja kicks are covered in this awesome section). Don’t forget to read the appendix and exhibits section which has a super cool glossary and of course there is also an awesome quiz to make sure you have learned everything in this complete guide to ninjas.

The awesome thing about being a ninja is you do not need to attend a regular school to learn reading, writing and math. Those subjects are retarded according to this book. Just find a ninja master to train with to learn everything you need to become a super cool (and of course AWESOME) ninja.

In conclusion, this very humorous approach to ninjas made me laugh enough I just had to give it 4 stars. So get pumped up and prepare for a goofy, ironic and crazy ninja read.
Rating: 4 Stars. Joseph J. Truncale (Author: Martial Art and Warrior Haiku and Senryu).

One person found this helpful

Helpful

Josh

Very twisted humor

Reviewed in the United States on June 12, 2019

Verified Purchase

This wasn't really what I was expecting. From the description on the cover I assumed this would be light hearted and goofy, much like Chuck Norris "facts." Turns out it was really dark when you consider the narrator is a mentally unstable child with deep psychological issues. As humorous as it was, it was impossible to ignore the uncomfortable subtext of a very depraved child deeply struggling for acceptance and friendship.

3 people found this helpful

Helpful

Joe

Open with caution. High speed ninja stars nearly cut my ear off!!!

Reviewed in the United States on June 15, 2015

Verified Purchase

When I opened the box I almost lost an eye. This book popped out with a flying kick and went through a concrete wall. It tackled my neighbor and scared my dog so bad he peed on the kitchen floor. Luckily I had my blow dart gun near by. One quick needle tipped with a sedative and it was down long enough to put it into submission.

Seriously though. This book is hilarious. Just look at the Amazon preview. If you are looking for an actual training guide look for something else. I need to run now. I think it heard me call it funny.

6 people found this helpful

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Exhausting to read, but still funny

Reviewed in the United States on May 6, 2007

Verified Purchase

I just recently bought this book, but I've enjoyed reading these fratire-style jokes and ramblings on the internet since this book came out. It's pretty funny, but the subject matter of the book really requires that you get pumped up to fully enjoy it and appreciate it. I tried reading it casually and I actually felt kind of tired after a couple minutes. It's like trying to keep up with a hyperactive 4-year-old, but cooler.

One thing to consider is that the jokes in this book have been quoted and requoted on the internet for the past few years. Even if you don't know it, you've probably read a quote (direct or paraphrased), at some point, on a web forum or blog. You pretty much know the gist of it if you've read something about a ninja uppercutting a kid for opening a window.

It's not an expensive book, and it's kind of cool just to have next to the other fratire books like The Alphabet of Manliness. It's a good book to have on your coffee table or your bathroom library, but don't expect to be able to casually read it in bed each night.

4 people found this helpful

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Codemonkey Brian

Don't be fooled by the other reviews, the book is deeper than you know.

Reviewed in the United States on November 4, 2015

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If you don't already know about REAL ULTIMATE POWER, I can't really enlighten you, but this book will give you a fascinating journey in the mind of a fictional ninja-obsessed lonely schoolboy who's just learning the roller-coaster wave of stupid that testosterone can inject into his life.
Reading it brings back memories of the ridiculous and idiotic stuff my cousins and I used to do with firecrackers and swords and whatnot, and inspires me to keep that sort of energy alive in my life.

4 people found this helpful

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Brandon Joe Williams

Hilarous

Reviewed in the United States on April 28, 2019

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Even if sometimes you don't really know what's being talked about, you still know you're in the presence of awesome.

One person found this helpful

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John Conner

Wittgenstein Power

Reviewed in the United States on August 27, 2008

Verified Purchase

With REAL ULTIMATE POWER, Robert Hamburger has written a great mocking treatise on everything Ninja, using the topic to pick apart the freaky passions of the pre, or near, pubescent male in western society. Of course, this is assuming that "Hamburger" is indeed a pen name; if not, an explanation using intentional fallacy must come into play... The epitome of satire is being named among those one satirizes, thus with the current moniker of "Frat-Lit," it seems Hamburger has completed his mission. Will he rest among the great satirists such as Swift, Dryden, Twain, Orwell, or even Groening? Perhaps not. Yet while Robert Hamburger may be young in years, he is no child, and there should be a regarded place for his work. And a great work it is. It is too easy to "after-the-fact" pick apart the banal aspects of REAL ULTIMATE POWER; much harder to find the deeper meaning among the interstices.

Then again, I've not laughed out loud as much during a reading in many years. This may be a sign of a personal lack of taste, or perhaps even an indictment of low art. However, the astute reader will surely find the value hidden in this work.

4 people found this helpful

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Anthony84

It taught me how to be a Ninja!!

Reviewed in the United States on December 14, 2018

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For real and it's a funny book too. Akso check out The Ninja Handbook.

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Top reviews from other countries

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Cyclone

SweeeeeeeeeT!

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on January 7, 2020

Verified Purchase

An amazing book.
I loved the website...in years first time I saw it.
I have to keep it locked away as I can get a bit too pumped reading it.
If you like Ninjas and you like getting pumped (not in a sexual way) and flipping out then this...is a book about it!

bartlawless

Five Stars

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on December 9, 2014

Verified Purchase

Super sweet!

John Robinson

Good book

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on December 10, 2006

Verified Purchase

I think this book is quite good.

It's quite funny and says alot about make believe ninjas.

Robert clearly knows more then he lets in on, like his intersperced chinese short fables and what have you.

I wasn't offended by this book but I don't know anything about martial arts so there. I think it's good for a laugh at least cheers, Johnr

2 people found this helpful

Daniel Bertram

REAL ULTIMATE POWER

Reviewed in Germany on July 4, 2012

Verified Purchase

Ich mache es kurz, wer die Internetseite kennt und lustig findet, ist mit diesem Buch genau richtig beraten. Der Stil ist famos, der Inhalt kreativ.
Für mich eines der lustigsten Bücher, die ich je gelesen habe. Einzuordnen in der Kategorie: "Mitten in der Straßenbahn laut loslachen"!

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Sharon Clow

Great for a few laughs

Reviewed in Canada on February 17, 2016

Verified Purchase

Great book very funny

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REAL Ultimate Power: The Official Ninja Book Paperback – July 1, 2004

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Robert Hamburger

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