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Radical Collaboration: Five Essential Skills to Overcome Defensiveness and Build Successful Relationships Hardcover – December 14, 2004

4.5 out of 5 stars 28 customer reviews

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About the Author

James W. Tamm is a former judge and an expert on dispute resolution and building collaborative relationships. He is currently managing director of the international consulting firm Business Consultants Network, Inc.



Ronald J. Luyet is a licensed psychotherapist who has advised Fortune 500 companies for more than thirty years. Ron is a vice president of consulting and training services for Business Consultants Network, Inc.

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Product Details

  • Hardcover: 336 pages
  • Publisher: HarperBusiness (December 14, 2004)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 006074250X
  • ISBN-13: 978-0060742508
  • Product Dimensions: 7.4 x 1.1 x 9.2 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 1.6 pounds
  • Average Customer Review: 4.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (28 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #139,200 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Top Customer Reviews

By R. Anderson on December 17, 2004
Format: Hardcover
More than just a "how to" book on negotiation, Radical Collaboration helps you understand yourself and your response to conflict. Backed by relevant theory and many examples, it provides practical exercises to help you "unhook" your hot buttons and build your confidence for handling difficult negotiations. A must for anyone interested in conflict resolution, negotiation skills, or self development.
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Discovering the nature of defensiveness and "button pushing" was invaluable for me personally and for being able to now see it in others. I just loved Chapt. 2: "Hey, Buzz Off ... I Am Not Defensive!"

Quoting:

"Defensiveness is a poison pill to good relationships. In conflict, defensiveness is like blood in the water to a shark. A little here, a little there, and in no time the situation has degenerated into a feeding frenzy."

"Defensiveness is always based on fear."

"Defensiveness does not defend us from others. It arises to protect from experiencing our own uncomfortable feelings. The prescription for dealing with your own defensiveness is to let yourself experience those feelings. Do not avoid them."

"Defensiveness provides only temporary relief. It's like covering dog poop with whipped cream. It may look good and smell better for a short time, but it doesn't deal with the underlying issue or clean up the mess."

"If you think of your childhood as an eighteen-year-long hypnotic induction, you'll get a better idea of how behaviors that were helpful to us as children may have taken on a life of their own and my not be helpful to us as adults."

"Defensiveness distorts our reality, causing us to spend more energy on self-preservation that on problem solving."

This was great, too:

"The difference between a small annoyance and a button is like the difference between Teflon and Velcro. It is slips off you like Teflon, it is not a button getting pushed. If, however, the incident sticks in your throat, heart or gut like Velcro, then you've probably got some unresolved fears or pain that is a button waiting to be triggered.
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Format: Hardcover
As human beings, we are defined by our ability to process thoughts, and emotions, relevant to each person who we interact with.

At work, in our communities and in our private lives, we have a role to play. We also have many choices to make, on a continual basis.

As someone who has studied loves studying verbal judo, I was impressed by the new things that I learned from this book.

Though there are many lessons that I gleamed from this book, this review describes author's five essential skills for radical collaboration.

The five essential skills to overcome defensiveness; and to build successful relationships are:

1. Collaborative Intention;

This is recognizing how we all, even those of us who are perceived to be strong, have defensive habits.

To arrive at this, it's important that you are fully in the present moment. And you've checked your ego at the door.

Many will say, "I can't acknowledge that person's attributes, when I disagree."

But, if you want what you want, and you intend to get it, you must accept that recognizing and sincerely acknowledging your interlocutor's attributes will inspire him or her to work with you on finding a solution that is mutually beneficial.

Remember that this experience is not your entire life - it's just an experience.

2. Truthfulness;

This is looking inside yourself, accepting what is, and being visible to your interlocutor.

Admit how you teach your opponent, or interlocutor to push just the right button, to make you think and feel the worst.

And in so doing, you will inspire collaboration, first within yourself, then with others.

3.
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Format: Hardcover
Radical Collaboration is an unique book for all of us who try to create strong and successful relationships with clients, customers, partners, colleagues and friends. What I appreciate the most is the focus on self-awareness and self-determination as key factors in creating successful relationships. It both gives a deep understanding of the mechanisms behind our behaviour and reactions, and very useful tools on how to develop more constructive strategies in relationship to others. It is all based upon a solid and trustworthy theoretical and scientific framework, combined with the huge amount of experience the two authors have within this field. The structure of the book is easy to follow, and the examples are highly illustrative. I recommend this to everyone!
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Format: Hardcover
"As a management consultant the most important thing is to be deeply grounded in the concepts I use in the client environment. To understand the background, the deep meaning of a concept, the theory, the research, and framework connections to other theories is critical.

In Radical Collaboration I find theory, research, exercises, relevant experience from the authors, and connections to other theories integrated as a whole. The authors reflect their philosophy in each chapter by being open and sharing their own experiences, examples and struggles. They successfully create an atmosphere of curiosity where the reader is invited to explore and to make choices and find their own path to self awareness. Radical Collaboration gives me a pedagogical structure for my own understanding and better tools/exercises with clients.

This book will be an eye opener for many people around the world who want to increase their effectiveness in professional relations as well as their effectiveness in all relations. People who are not content with mediocre communication and relations will find great pleasure in the book. Radical Collaboration will be a great experience for newcomers as well as for experienced consultants."
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