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It Rains in February: A Wife's Memoir of Love and Loss Paperback – November 28, 2022

3.8 3.8 out of 5 stars 290 ratings

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On the 24th of February 2007, my husband Stuart drowned himself at sea, leaving me widowed with two young daughters, aged six and four. I knew it wasn't an accident, even though the medics and police never suspected suicide. Stuart had been talking about ending his life for a year. His most recent suicide attempt had been only three weeks earlier. Afterwards, he described that day as the most peaceful day of his life. Sitting next to the dam, he smoked his last cigarette. He drank a hundred sleeping pills and did a final check to make sure everything would look like an accident. The last thing he remembered was swimming out into the crystal-clear water. He said that he was no longer scared of dying, that there was nothing scary about it. Living was the scary thing.

It Rains in February: A Wife's Memoir of Love and Loss is the true story of a husband's depression and obsession, not only with another woman but also with ending his life. In this honest and heartfelt narrative, Leila Summers weaves a compelling tale of the year that led up to Stuart's suicide and the grief, profound loss, and self-discovery that followed. Although each suicide is unique, this book gives the reader an insider's view from one perspective by way of authentic letters and email messages.

This book deals with the subject matter of extramarital affairs, depression, suicide, death, grief, bereavement, loss, and coping with death and young children. It may be helpful to those who have experienced a suicide in the family, the loss of a loved one to suicide, or those who are dealing with depression or the depression of a loved one. It is not meant to offer any form of advice and is based solely on the author's personal experience.

**Finalist in the 2014 Wishing Shelf Book Awards**

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Editorial Reviews

Review

"Summers's memoir is a complex contemporary tragedy written by a mature, talented writer. Summers speaks directly to her husband, Stuart, who chose to end his own life, in this painfully honest eulogy. The intimate style, combined with second-person narration, gives the story a page-turning tension. Summers must first accept that her emotional, smart, artistic husband has fallen deeply in love with another woman. The small family that includes two young daughters is fractured when Stuart moves out of their Victorian home in the suburbs of a South African city, and the rupture deepens when Stuart moves further away from his family and his reluctant lover to be near his sister, Ruth, in Cape Town. Summers works from a distance to keep her long-suicidal husband alive, while Ruth makes similar efforts from nearby. Ultimately, the love of his wife, sister, and children are not enough to keep him alive. Summers's skilled prose ("Bleakness permeates the moist air and seeps into my pores") makes this traumatic book bearable to read. This memoir is a cathartic exercise for the author and could well serve in the same capacity for anyone who has lost a loved one to suicide." -- PUBLISHERS WEEKLY

"
It Rains in February is a touchingly written memoir in the form of a posthumous letter to Summers's deceased husband. The prose is stunning and lush, rich with detail. As a reader, I could smell the flowers, the coffee, the cigarettes, the sea, and the death. The characters are richly drawn and undeniably real. I consider myself a fan of the memoir, and every word of this one rings true on the deepest emotional level. It is a work of unquestionable courage and vulnerability. One cannot help but be moved by the immense sacrifice this woman is willing to make for this man, her family, and the meaning of life, death and love. Summers also shows a biting grasp of the language. Emails passed between the characters provide the reader with a wildly intimate look at a couple struggling with every duality imaginable: love and loss, joy and madness, friendship and intimacy and, ultimately, life and death. It will leave you questioning the meaning we attach to all of it. It Rains In February reads as a wrenching yet uplifting, brutal and gentle, hopeless and life-affirming story. If you're like me, you'll want to start it again as soon as you finish the first read." -- John Duffy, Psy.D., clinical psychologist and author

"Leila Summers has written a memoir that takes you completely into her world. Saved emails and intimately personal diaries cried out to be crafted into a book, and Summers has not let them down. Her vivid images draw the reader into the room with the abandon of a movie-goer watching a fine film. She portrays her husbands agony and behavior with the clarity of an observer yet the compassion of a loving wife. Summers's indomitable spirit provides testament to the power of the heart to rise above tragedy and embrace hope."
-- Dr Deborah Barry, The Happiness Coach, therapist and author

"An insightful and powerfully written memoir. Highly recommended."
-- The Wishing Shelf Awards

From the Author

As readers, you will have all sorts of different feelings that my story evokes in you from your individual experiences. Many people may have their own ideas about how I should have handled the bizarre situations I found myself in. Some may find my story unbelievable. If you were looking for a book with a happy ending, this is not it, but sometimes in life, the happy ending unfolds, not through circumstances, but from what we learn from those circumstances. Writing my story has been a huge part of my own healing process which will continue for the rest of my life. I have persevered with my quest for inner peace and will accept nothing less than a life that is rich and meaningful. Jane and Rose and I are happy and healthy and we have a multitude of dreams for a wonderful future ahead.

Product details

  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ Pure Ink Press (November 28, 2022)
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • Paperback ‏ : ‎ 240 pages
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 1776416236
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-1776416233
  • Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 9.8 ounces
  • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 5.25 x 0.6 x 8 inches
  • Customer Reviews:
    3.8 3.8 out of 5 stars 290 ratings

About the author

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Leila Summers
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Leila Summers is an author, editor, and book coach with a love for all things creative and human. She specializes in the writing, editing, publishing, and promotion of books and currently runs her own publishing company. Leila is also a trained Heal Your Life® teacher. She has always had a passion for storytelling. It Rains in February: A Wife's Memoir of Love and Loss is her first book. She is busy writing and publishing a series of children’s picture books and hopes to one day finish her second memoir.

Customer reviews

3.8 out of 5 stars
3.8 out of 5
290 global ratings

Customers say

Customers find the writing style well-written and compelling. They also say the content is repetitive. Opinions are mixed on the emotional tone, with some finding it heartfelt and addicting, while others find it depressing. Readers also have mixed feelings about the kindness, with others finding it calm, caring, and accepting, while still others find the husband selfish and immature.

AI-generated from the text of customer reviews

42 customers mention "Writing style"30 positive12 negative

Customers find the writing style well-written, vivid, and interesting. They also appreciate the author's strength and courage. Readers also say the book relates well to the person with the illness and the people who are affected by it.

"...between them as individuals and as a family is touching, real, brilliantly told...." Read more

"The story was good and very well told about a topic that we need to know more about in our society...." Read more

"...The love letter that is this book is well written, rich in scene and detail...." Read more

"...Some of his letters were just so offensive, I just wanted her to express her anger but instead she moved on to the next chapter..." Read more

34 customers mention "Readability"34 positive0 negative

Customers find the book compelling, fascinating, and beautiful. They also say the writing is fantastic, rich in scene and detail, and impossible to put down.

"...yourself a gift today....give yourself hope today...and read this beautiful memoir." Read more

"The story was good and very well told about a topic that we need to know more about in our society...." Read more

"...The love letter that is this book is well written, rich in scene and detail...." Read more

"...By its very nature, it's an extremely personal tale and one that I think many readers will find issue with...." Read more

49 customers mention "Emotional tone"31 positive18 negative

Customers are mixed about the emotional tone. Some find the book heart-felt, thoughtful, and brave. They say the story is riveting and powerfully written. However, others find the story depressing, unsettling, and sad.

"...I love the way she was bright enough, thoughtful enough and 'brave' enough to use/share e-mails and letters between herself and Stuart...." Read more

"...Bottom line; this story is often more annoying than enlightening, and is another testament to the selfishness of suicide and the permanently scarred..." Read more

"...It is an intimate cathartic, and I sometimes felt while reading it as though I should put it down and turn away -- the details being too painful and..." Read more

"...The story is sad and had me hooked from the start...." Read more

9 customers mention "Kindness"5 positive4 negative

Customers are mixed about the kindness in the book. Some mention that it's important to be caring, unconditional, and wholeheartedly. However, some customers find the husband selfish and immature.

"...life and shows us what it really is to love deeply, honestly, unconditionally, without judgment and wholeheartedly...." Read more

"...I couldn't help but find this woman's husband incredibly selfish and immature...." Read more

"...But she turns out to be calm, accepting and caring. Through all this she points out that she loves Stuart...." Read more

"...I see a powerful wife, mother and female that is caring, kind and gentle, one that given these same circumstances I would never be...." Read more

8 customers mention "Content"0 positive8 negative

Customers find the content repetitive, old, and difficult to finish. They also say the book drags on towards the end, making it difficult to read.

"...However, a lot of the book was repetitious which caused it to me a slow read for me." Read more

"...It was quite frustrating in parts as you want to shake her for letting her husband treat her the way he did...." Read more

"...Also, this book dragged on towards the end, which made it very difficult to finish" Read more

"...I had to skim through the middle because it was too repetitive, and some of the verbatim emails between the author & her deceased husband were so..." Read more

Top reviews from the United States

Reviewed in the United States on December 29, 2012
"It Rains in February" is a book written with passion and feelings that only Leila Summers could have felt in her time and place, surroundings, loves and losses that make up this story. Many of us can relate to those feelings and word pictures but only as they relate to our own stories. That is what is so beautiful and special about a memoir. It is deeply personal. I believe those that write and share their experience are very brave and I think they share so that you or I might understand that although our lives and stories are all different, our feelings individual and personal, in some strange way our stories are the same, one, related. Leila Summers writes exquisitely. I love the way she was bright enough, thoughtful enough and 'brave' enough to use/share e-mails and letters between herself and Stuart. These correspondences are the threads of this beautiful, sad and ultimately tragic story. This life, their lives, the existence and sometimes lack thereof between them as individuals and as a family is touching, real, brilliantly told. And what I find so lovely even out of the sadness of this memoir is the thing I love to cling to no matter what the circumstances in my life or in the lives of others all over the world. There is one thing the world, that can sometimes be so cruel...cannot take from us...if we believe with all our hearts--that is HOPE. Leila Summers wrote a very personal sad memoir, but even in her sadness dealing with the events of her life, she writes of hope. You should give yourself a gift today....give yourself hope today...and read this beautiful memoir.
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Reviewed in the United States on January 28, 2013
The story was good and very well told about a topic that we need to know more about in our society. However, a lot of the book was repetitious which caused it to me a slow read for me.
Reviewed in the United States on October 8, 2016
It Rains in Summer is a long and poignant love letter from a grieving woman to her dead husband. Perhaps more than that, it is a letter from a woman to herself through which she sorts out the events and emotions of the year leading up to and the year following her husband's suicide. It is an intimate cathartic, and I sometimes felt while reading it as though I should put it down and turn away -- the details being too painful and private for my consumption.

I notice that many of the book's reviews focus more on judgement of the author and her life than of the book itself, so I'd like to talk a little about the book. Yes, I found it very difficult at times to understand how Robyn could continue to love and support a man who was so self-centered and selfish, that he cared not how his actions and words would hurt her or his children, a man who would sit with his wife and openly pine for another woman. It's difficult for me to imagine putting up with that. And yet, there is a largeness and unconditionality to that love that I also admire in many ways.

The love letter that is this book is well written, rich in scene and detail. The structure is roughly chronological, starting with the day in which Stuart delivers a life-changing announcement to Robyn, and details events forward through the narrator's grieving period. Including emails, letters, stories, and poems adds to the richness of this chronicle of a woman desperately trying to save her family and the man she loves from mental illness and the suicide that ultimately claims him. Yes, it is sad. Yes, it is sometimes difficult to read. But I found that I cared for the narrator and her children, that I wanted to understand her and her actions better, and so I read on. Who has not experienced the loss of death? Who has not experienced grief? These are things we have in common, and so reading about how other people deal with them can be as much a catharsis and healing experience for the reader as it is for the writer. And so, I found as I read on, that I cared for and felt connected to the narrator and her family by this common thread of human experience. And when a writer accomplishes this, then I call the book a success.
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Reviewed in the United States on April 23, 2012
I started reading this book and though I don't have a lot of time to read these days, I couldn't put it down. The story is sad and had me hooked from the start. The author, Leila, (Robyn) was brave to write it and it must have been hard, though it probably helped with the healing process. It was quite frustrating in parts as you want to shake her for letting her husband treat her the way he did. Though he was suffering from depression, he was in love with another woman and kept telling her that if he couldn't have her, he would kill himself. The other woman happened to be a friend of theirs and although she apparently loved him back, she chose to stay with her own husband and children. The MC, Robyn, supported her depressed husband and kept trying to get him to seek medical help for his depression. He refused and moved out of their home and many miles away in the hope that his new love would join him. She didn't and his depression got worse, though he still had a relationship with his wife and she visited him often.

Robyn had to accept that her husband wasn't in love with her anymore, but kept helping him with everything because she still loved him. plus they had two little girls who he adored and them him. Robyn even went as far as to beg the other woman to visit him in the hope that he wouldn't attempt suicide again. She also tried to get him to see a psychiatrist and go to a hospital, but he threatened to kill himself in there if she arranged it. Should Robyn have kept helping him and sacrificing her own well being for years on end? I'm not sure, but she did what her heart told her to do and no matter what she did, the outcome would have probably been the same. Even if she had forced the issue of having him taken to a mental health hospital and put on antidepressants, he still could have killed himself. Mental illness is so complicated and no one can know if even a medication can help certain people. My thoughts are that Robyn tried her very hardest to keep him alive, for himself, his children, and for her. She was totally selfless, which is rare in this world. My sadness was also for the children who must wonder why their daddy didn't want to stay alive - to be with them. Hopefully, when they're older, they will do some research on mental illness and realise that even their father had no control over his own life and death, and that he was unlucky enough to have had a chemical imbalance through no fault of his own.

I actually think he may have fallen for the other woman because of his mental illness, and it was probably just infatuation, maybe he enjoyed the high of being in love as an escape from his dark thoughts of death. Had he spent time with this woman he may have even gone back to his wife and children. After reading all his letters in the story and his desperation to be with this other woman, it seemed to me that it was her rejection that he couldn't take. Maybe he had self esteem problems, maybe not, but that's just my thoughts. He was probably already depressed before meeting her and that rejection made it worse.

Depression can be cause by many things, firstly the person usually has the inherited gene, and then if other things happen, like losing a family member or pet, as well as financial problems, it can trigger it off. Maybe even a fear off being left alone or work issues or loss of a friendship. In this story the husband had lost a dear pet that was his best friend and I'm sure that affected him more than he let on. I've known people who were depressed for years after losing a pet. Our pets are our babies, so it's understandable. But with this man it was much more complicated. He chose his own future and now the family are left behind to pick up the pieces. I think there is no one to blame. It's just all too sad and I hope that the author can find closure and meet someone who'll give back all the unconditional love to her that she gave to her husband. I'm sure with a mother like they have, the children will grow up strong and healthy and with compassion just like their wonderful mother. And to the other woman, well she must feel bad too and probably guilty. I don't think she should though. None of it was her fault, after all, it seems she sacrificed her own love for this man, probably for her children and her own husband, who she'd made vows too. Good luck to all of them.

I highly recommend this book to all adults and teens. There are people in many families that suffer from undiagnosed depression. The symptoms are not always obvious. Look for withdrawal and don't let fake smiles fool you. If someone you know has been suffering from long-term depression, and has been threatening suicide, then they suddenly seems really happy, it could be that they are planning suicide that day. They may not be, but it's worth watching them, just in case.
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Top reviews from other countries

Ms. L. C. Tuffield
3.0 out of 5 stars So sad
Reviewed in France on January 13, 2014
It's a dirge of story that I'm glad I read, but equally glad I didn't pay much for it.
The author tells of her life with a suicidal manic depressive and their two little girls. She tries so hard to keep him from ending his life, but in spite of everything he succeeds.
She did well not to leave him when he confessed his love for another woman, with whom he became obsessed.
It's hard to decide if she's weak and loving or incredibly strong. Sometimes I wanted to shake her and tell her to leave him to his own fate, but my advice was far too late!
Corali
5.0 out of 5 stars Beautifully written.
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on February 17, 2012
I love biographies, in fact it is the only genre of books I read so have read loads during my time and this is definately one of the best.

Leila writes in a completely different style to most books, she is writing to her husband (think it's called the second person) which I think is quite genius.

I have the greatest empathy and respect for the writer because I myself lost my partner just under a year ago who had his own demons to battle. Since his death it has felt like a relief as the grieving started before he passed away and unless someone has experienced that themselves, will never really understand what surviving partners have been through. So although it may seem like we have found it easy to just carry on, it's only because we have suffered greatly beforehand.

Anyway back to the book and author. Leila (Robyn) wanted to do this memoir for her daughters as it is so tragic for them to lose their dad while they were very young. The book documents very compassionately what life was like during her husband (stuart) illness and the events immediately after his death. At times I felt so angry and frustrated for Robyn and wish she'd just put her foot down a bit more, especially over his love and obsession with another woman (Amanda).

It is a must read for everybody, it's not a sob wallowing feeling-sorry-for-myself story. It will also be rather educational to those who are a bit naive to the illness of depression and suicide.

I'd love a part II to this book to see what Robyn and her girls are up to in a few years. Perhaps chapters from the girls could be included.
18 people found this helpful
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Jonathan Fryer
4.0 out of 5 stars Engrossing testament to the pain of loss
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on October 27, 2016
This engrossing testament to the pain of loss charts the author's futile attempt to avert her increasingly estranged husband from self-destruction. She is so bound up in keeping her own mind sound and protecting her two infant daughters from heartbreak that she almost ceases to notice the external world of South Africa in which she lives. As a last desperate attempt to get her husband to communicate she even invents an alter ego, supposedly based in England, who does elicit some response. Though one knows the conclusion right at the beginning, the book has great narrative drive, but occasionally the impact is lessened by an over-use of unnecessary adjectives and adverbs. Writing the memoir was clearly a therapeutic experience enabling the author to achieve a greater sense of self-realisation and calm.
Lynda Kelly
3.0 out of 5 stars Not Too Sympathetic
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on November 1, 2012
Pretty grim since it's about a young wife left as a widow when her husband kills himself leaving her with two young daughters. I found her husband to be a selfish sod and not a very nice person at all if I'm brutally honest. Some of the things he said to her and the way he treated her were terrible and I thought he was an arse !! But then I guess he clearly wasn't well but he WAS of sound mind most of the times and still a piece of work.
He clearly adored his daughters and his dear dog but I found it really hard, REALLY difficult, to have any sympathy for him. I was more saddened when their cat died !!
It was very well written though quite laboured in places but I enjoyed it nevertheless.
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Joanna
5.0 out of 5 stars Gripping, moving true story
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on September 23, 2013
I think it was extremely brave of the writer to tell and share the whole story, though I am sure the process was cathartic for her. I couldn't put it down; I found myself deeply involved and really caring for the characters, and willing them to come through. I thought it was very well written and I think it would prove very helpful to other people living with this type of mental illness in the family. Especially where Robyn comes to realise that there was nothing she could have done which would have affected the inevitable outcome. What came to mind when I was reading were these words from Don McLean's Vincent (Starry Starry Night), about the artist Vincent Van Gogh:
And when no hope was left inside on that starry, starry night
You took your life as lovers often do, but I could have told you Vincent
This world was never meant for one as beautiful as you.