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on May 11, 2017
This book is incorrectly titled. I still appreciated the content, but I was looking for a book that would provide suggestions on how to prioritize your marriage while try to raise children in a healthy environment. Rather this book is about identifying and addressing your issues growing up with your parents and the baggage the unintentionally projected onto you, which you then projects onto your children - repeating a viscous cycle. And the part about your marriage seems to be an after thought in this book. The book is saying that by identifying your issues, you can attempt to address them and not take it out on your spouse. Because taking out your personal issues on your spouse creates an unhealthy environment for your children, and again projects negative effects to their upbringing.
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on September 29, 2009
I'm an Asian woman in my thirties, have a 20-month-old child, have been married more than 4 years, and am working full-time. I rarely read self-help book but I happened to read David Code's article on the web and was fascinated by his insight-- the article explained very well why I have been so emotional lately. Then, I googled his website and found out about his new book. That's how I ended up reading this book.

Based on the book title and cover illustration, I first thought that this book is about marriage counseling. However, that is just a small part of it. (There is no doubt that the book explains very well about the linkage between marriage and parenting.) The book provides a very insightful view for why we blame each other, why we avoid each other, why we are so obsessed with our children, and why we create so many dramas in our life. Once we 'notice' the right cause of all these symptoms (you can find it in the book!) and then, we can 'control' the situation to become better even though our solution is very slow and requires patience.

A few days before I read the book, I had a huge argument with my husband- the largest one ever. I was also very stressed with my parent's long-term visit in this area. This book gave me the right advice when I needed it. I also started to have a lot of peace of mind by merely realizing the root of my emotions. I may need to read this book again, whenever I get short-sighted with parenting my child or get impatient with my husband or my mom.

I highly recommend this book to any person who wants to have better relationships with others / wants to have an inner peace/ wants to raise happy kids /or want to grow up. I am not American, but the book really applies well to Asian culture too.

I don't recommend this book to anyone who does not want to confront (or admit) who they are/ or who cares about symptoms but not the cause of them / or who wants a quick-fix parenting solution.
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on July 7, 2016
This book is full of common sense parenting (which isn't too common these days). David Code's advice relieves parents of feeling like they have to hover and hold their child's hand every minute of the day and allows husband and wife to "get a life" and focus on having a strong relationship with each other. In the end its a win win for everyone because kids are happier when they aren't relying on parents to entertain them every waking minute. There's a lot more to this book- I recommend it!
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on August 11, 2010
For me this book answered two major questions: 1) how can I lower my level of stress and frustration in my relationships and 2) how do I as a parent address the anxiety my child is experiencing.

The beauty of this book is it explains the "stress" we experience in our lives is actually our own inner anxiety. Throughout the book, anxiety is described on a continuum verses as a psychological disorder. David Code explains brilliantly how everyone has a unique baseline level of anxiety and details for the reader why, based on our family dynamics as children, the stress response of some individuals are wired to overreact unconsciously due to our innate flight or fight response. The author clearly explains how children are influenced by high levels of familiar anxiety and how anxiety can permeates from generation to generation. The entire last section of the book highlights several solutions to help break this cycle of anxiety.

I found the book very thought provoking, solution-oriented, and applicable to daily relationships. I highly recommend it to readers who wish to learn why they feel the way they do and to those who want to work towards reducing their own anxiety or the anxiety in their children.

Dr. Bridget Perry,
Ph.D. Clinical Psychology
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on July 21, 2017
Great book!
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on May 12, 2014
l believe if more people take this advice we will have happier women, men, children and society overall. Bring back discipline and respect for marriage and less of the well intentioned but highly hazardous modern parenting. Thank you.
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on October 26, 2009
This book is excellent and full of practical, no nonsense advice about how to improve your marriage by making the much needed distinction between your adult couple life and your relationship with your kids. My husband and I have read many relationship advice books and find David Code's has a perfect balance of tough love advice and concrete examples that resonate. Also makes a good gift for your friends whose four year olds are still sleeping in their bed! What is that all about??? This book gets to the heart of the matter.
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on November 2, 2016
Well written and eye opening. Lots of incredibly perceptive ideas I had no idea existed.
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on February 19, 2013
The author belabors one truth about anxiety and gives very little practical help. If you don't find yourself a very anxious person, you first wonder how your ancestors survived and then you wonder if this book will help you at all. There were some good points made that I will take to heart, but overall it felt more like a sociology book rather than a parenting book.
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on December 28, 2014
This book made me take a long hard look at myself and gives me so much more understanding and insight into my child and more importantly my marriage.
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