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Raising Cain: Protecting the Emotional Life of Boys Paperback – April 4, 2000

by Dan Kindlon (Author), Michael Thompson (Author)

239 customer reviews

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In Raising Cain, Dan Kindlon, Ph.D., and Michael Thompson, Ph.D., two of the country's leading child psychologists, share what they have learned in more than thirty-five years of combined experience working with boys and their families. They reveal a nation of boys who are hurting--sad, afraid, angry, and silent. Kindlon and Thompson set out to answer this basic, crucial question: What do boys need that they're not getting? They illuminate the forces that threaten our boys, teaching them to believe that "cool" equals macho strength and stoicism. Cutting through outdated theories of "mother blame," "boy biology," and "testosterone," the authors shed light on the destructive emotional training our boys receive--the emotional miseducation of boys.

Kindlon and Thompson make a compelling case that emotional literacy is the most valuable gift we can offer our sons, urging parents to recognize the price boys pay when we hold them to an impossible standard of manhood. They identify the social and emotional challenges that boys encounter in school and show how parents can help boys cultivate emotional awareness and empathy--giving them the vital connections and support they need to navigate the social pressures of youth.

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Editorial Reviews

Review

"Brilliant . . . This affectionate, encouraging book should be require reading for anyone raising--or educating--a boy."
--The Washington Post

"Raising Cain gives a long-needed insight into that mysterious, magical land, the psyches of boys. Every parent, teacher--or anyone who wants boys to flourish--should read this book."
--DANIEL GOLEMAN
Author of Emotional Intelligence

"ENORMOUSLY COMPELLING . . . In much the same way that Reviving Ophelia offered new models for raising girls, therapists Kindlon and Thompson argue that boys desperately need a new standard of 'emotional literacy.' . . . This thoughtful book is recommended for parents, teachers, or anyone with a vested interest in raising happy, healthy, emotionally whole young men."
--Publishers Weekly (starred review)

"RAISING CAIN HELPS US UNDERSTAND THE INNER LIVES OF BOYS MUCH AS MARY PIPHER'S REVIVING OPHELIA SHED LIGHT ON THE STRUGGLE OF THE ADOLESCENT GIRL."
--The Tampa Tribune-Times

From the Inside Flap

In Raising Cain, Dan Kindlon, Ph.D., and Michael Thompson, Ph.D., two of the country's leading child psychologists, share what they have learned in more than thirty-five years of combined experience working with boys and their families. They reveal a nation of boys who are hurting--sad, afraid, angry, and silent. Kindlon and Thompson set out to answer this basic, crucial question: What do boys need that they're not getting? They illuminate the forces that threaten our boys, teaching them to believe that "cool" equals macho strength and stoicism. Cutting through outdated theories of "mother blame," "boy biology," and "testosterone," the authors shed light on the destructive emotional training our boys receive--the emotional miseducation of boys.
Kindlon and Thompson make a compelling case that emotional literacy is the most valuable gift we can offer our sons, urging parents to recognize the price boys pay when we hold them to an impossible standard of manhood. They identify the social and emotional challenges that boys encounter in school and show how parents can help boys cultivate emotional awareness and empathy--giving them the vital connections and support they need to navigate the social pressures of youth.

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Product details

Paperback: 298 pages
Publisher: Ballantine Books; 1 edition (April 4, 2000)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 0345434854
ISBN-13: 978-0345434852
Product Dimensions: 5.5 x 0.7 x 8.2 inches
Shipping Weight: 9.1 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review: 239 customer reviews
Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #8,701 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #14 in Books > Medical Books > Psychology > Reference
- #16 in Books > Health, Fitness & Dieting > Psychology & Counseling > Reference
- #28 in Books > Parenting & Relationships > Parenting > Parenting Boys

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Sarah

Thoughtful and important book

November 9, 2016

Verified Purchase

Wonderful book, very insightful and moving. Articulates well what I've learned as a teacher of forty years. In fifty years of childcare, I see more and more clearly how our culture makes it very difficult to grow up to be a happy boy, a normal boy, without the scars of institutional schooling and stoic conditioning.

6 people found this helpful7 people found this helpful

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Nero

Very useful book.

September 6, 2016

Verified Purchase

This is a very interesting and well written book. I am a mother of 2 boys and this book actually gave me some great insight into how their minds work. My husband enjoyed it a lot too. It's a great book to have for parents of boys of all ages.

6 people found this helpful7 people found this helpful

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Rio Vista Momma

Helpful if you are interacting with boys (and men...) on a regular basis

April 6, 2017

Verified Purchase

Insightful. Easy to read. Helpful. Betweenthe grandson, 1 preschool class, and K-1 class I suddenly have a lot of little boys in my life. This book not only is helping me with them - it's helping me understand my husband and sons-in-law.

4 people found this helpful5 people found this helpful

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Baby monitor father

Not enough examples of how to correct

March 7, 2016

Verified Purchase

I felt this book had tons of war stories from the authors regarding what they have seen with boys but not enough on how to correct challenging behavior.

7 people found this helpful8 people found this helpful

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Gene Zafrin

Astute and practical

May 16, 2006

Verified Purchase

For anyone involved in their upbringing, boys present a number of peculiar challenges. They are disproportionally likely to inflict violence on themselves or others (for example, they account for over 80% of suicides and 95% of homicides in their age groups), they are more likely to use alcohol and drugs, they mature and develop some cognitive skills (such as reading and writing prowess) later than the girls their age, they are much more physical than girls (which cannot be truly accommodated by the educational environment in most schools today). To top it all, boys do not really know how to talk about their feelings, so they are unlikely to identify their emotional problems, let alone find a way of resolving them.

The book's merit extends beyond pointing out that the problem exists. The authors suggest some practical ways of helping today's boys. It is respecting their feelings and approaching them more with questions rather than answers and suggestions to tough it out. It is trying to create a loving and safe atmosphere, where boys are more likely to risk opening up. It is helping them create emotive vocabulary, which would help them articulate how they feel. It is creating opportunities for safe failure, which would help boys get to know themselves. It is having some safe places where boys could spend their energy (such as a basement gym or a neighborhood basketball court). It is teaching them emotional courage and empathy, which could help them recognize who they are and build character.

Insightful, well articulated and timely. A great book.

17 people found this helpful18 people found this helpful

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South Dakota Farmboy

A great book, especially for parents and educators

May 19, 2013

Verified Purchase

As a teacher for 15+ years and as a parent of both a son and a daughter for much less than that, I'm especially convinced that it's worth stating plainly: boys and girls are different. In a very simple, thorough, but approachable way, the authors explain what that means in day-to-day life, and they explain how damaging it is to build an educational system around the proclivities of girls while treating boys like something dangerous and/or damaged. I highly recommend this book.

5 people found this helpful6 people found this helpful

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Leslye D

Worth the Read

September 23, 2016

Verified Purchase

I think this book is an interesting take on the emotional development of boys. Some of the subject areas i find to be a little far fetched, but I think it is a worthy read for parents who want to raise emotionally healthy boys!

2 people found this helpful3 people found this helpful

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Janmaba

Raising Cain

August 13, 2009

Verified Purchase

I read this book after reading "Reviving Ophelia", "Real Boys", and "Trouble with Boys". "Raising Cain" is well written and based on hands-on experience as well as an admirable amount of research. I would say it's the best of the four books I just mentioned. I had wanted information about this topic because I'm a former teacher who would consistently be assigned what were considered "difficult students" altough I was not a special education teacher. I wish someone had recommended this book to me back then.Happily, I stumbled on some of the methods of handling boys' active behavior from trial and error. Also,I admired the fact that neither author put down any other texts about raising children and adolescents(as did two of the other authors). The tone was very professional but highly readable.

5 people found this helpful6 people found this helpful

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