- Paperback: 170 pages
- Publisher: New Generation Publishing (June 26, 2013)
- Language: English
- ISBN-10: 1909740241
- ISBN-13: 978-1909740242
- Product Dimensions: 5 x 0.4 x 8 inches
- Shipping Weight: 7.2 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
- Average Customer Review: 47 customer reviews
- Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #880,256 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
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Raising Children That Other People Like to Be Around Paperback – June 26, 2013
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This book has a simple approach to dealing with the things that we face as parents. First, make the rules, then model the rules. Apply the rules. Very important: Respect Yourself! Lastly, teach all the time. It seems simple, but it also seems to work. I was surprised at how much I expected my son to know, to have somehow magically divined, without clearly articulating to him. One of the first things this book inspired me to do was to create a set of core rules that serve to define what we are all about. Once that was done, a lot of the frustration inherent in disciplinary tasks became a simple, "does (this behavior) exemplify (this core value)?" At age 11, my son's old enough to stop and analyze his behavior according to the standard. It has taken away a lot of argument, because it is not as if I am making up arbitrary rules. I am just asking HIM to decide if what he's doing will result in the expectation.
Another thing that has helped me a lot from this book is forgiving myself for my failures. This really goes along with the idea of teaching all the time. When I mess up, instead of becoming embarrassed, or feeling like I can never try to reprimand that particular behavior again, I use it as a teaching moment...I am not perfect. I will make mistakes. So will you. Growing up is about switching from a time when the mistakes are most common to a time when the desired behavior is most common. You'll have successes and failures in both cases, so you have to acknowledge a failure but then let it go.
I recommend this book for anyone who works with children, whether as a parent, teacher, caregiver, or whatever. Give them a set of expectations, and show them how those expectations look in real life. Don't let them get away with bad behavior...expect them to reach the goal, and soon enough most kids will come to expect it of themselves. Free yourself from the debilitating effects of guilt and "put your behind in the past!!"
(A little note to those of you who are raising the super-stubborn, like I am. The stage of expecting the good behavior IS trying. It is NOT easy. But I will tell you our experience...it does eventually come. For us, it took almost total social withdrawal, and it did take total media withdrawal. Once my son realized that I meant it when I said I would not allow him to behave that way in public, and I would enforce it by not letting him go places with his friends...or I would remove him immediately from a situation if his behavior warranted...he began to try a lot harder to be like the expectation.)