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Raising An Emotionally Intelligent Child The Heart of Parenting Paperback – August 12, 1998
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Top Customer Reviews
Gottman is definitely not one of them. He is known as one of the leading psychologists in the area of family and marriage psychology. This book presents the essence of his research findings about raising emotionally intelligent children.
His advise is surprisingly easy and is based on a 5 step model:
1. Be aware of your child's emotion
2. See your child's emotions as an opportunity to be close together
3. Actively listen to your child and validate the feelings
4. Help your child to verbalize his feelings
5. Help your child solve problems, while setting clear limits
Gottman clearly explains how you can implement this 5-step-model in daily life and what to do when problems arise. His real life examples make reading really fun.
All in all, an excellent parenting book! As a supplement, I can also recommend the book by M. Seligman: "The optimistic child"
Too often, we may find ourselves giving in to venting our anger or frustration at our children for our own emotional benefit, forgetting that they are not adept at reading their own feelings much less yours. It is too easy to discount our little ones' cries as merely manipulative attempts to get what they want. (The author DOES recognize that children DO try to manipulate adults in this way and recommends not using emotion coaching in those instances.) This is a realistic, practical, and easily read book told from the perspective of a father who also relays helpful instances in his own life where he'd used emotion coaching.
One benchmark that I often use to judge parenting books are their philosophies on punishment, particularly time-outs. Goleman believes in the proper implementation of time-outs. They are to be consistent and respectful, not opportunities to emotionally berate or humiliate children. He believes that it is best used for children aged 3-8 and should last about a minute. You may want use Amazon's search-within-a-book feature and search for "time-out" to get a better idea.
The author sites studies showing that emotional intelligence is linked to higher reading and math IQ's, social competence, and physical health. We all wish the best for our children, and reading this book will help you to be the best parent you can be.Read more ›
Most Recent Customer Reviews
This is the number one book on parenting that I recommend to parents. If you can apply the concepts in this book, you will have well-behaved, well-adjusted kids. Read morePublished 4 days ago by Freedom Cole
This book helped calm down and eventually end the embarrassing meltdowns my toddler was having in public. Read morePublished 8 days ago by FoodObsessedMom
Love this book! So helpful when children have emotions but struggle with their words. Buy this book if you want to help your child navigate their feelings in a gentle way.Published 22 days ago by Kel D
Clearly written. Helping us parents break our habitual molds so that our children can confidently grow into the people they came here to be. Thank you.Published 2 months ago by Brenda Haraldson
Very useful tips! Practised on my 4 year old daughter and they worked! The trick though is finding the right moment to do emotional coaching.Published 3 months ago by Shing Yan Lau