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Raising Human Beings: Creating a Collaborative Partnership with Your Child Hardcover – August 9, 2016
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"Parents and children everywhere will benefit from Dr. Greene's insights into everyday parent-child interactions. His empathic understanding of families' daily struggles shines through the entire book. He provides realistic, concrete, and effective guidance for turning those struggles from confrontation to collaboration. Bravo!" -- Joan E. Durrant, PhD, Author of Positive Discipline in Everyday Parenting and Associate Professor of Family Social Sciences at the University of Manitoba
"Want to know how to prepare your child in the innovation era, raise a child who knows who he or she is and how to collaborate and solve problems creatively? Ross Greene shows you how in this book. Practice the parenting approach he describes, and your child will thrive!" -- Tony Wagner, Author of The Global Achievement Gap and Creating Innovators, Expert in Residence at Harvard University's new Innovation Lab, and Senior Research Fellow at the Learning Policy Institute.
"Ross Greene takes a deep dive into the complexities of raising a human being and emerges with guidance that is clear, doable, and sure to empower both parents and their children." -- Adele Faber, co-author of How To Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk
Ross Greene, psychologist, expert on collaboration, and, above all, a wise and caring human being, blesses us with this brilliant, practical guide on how to raise children in such a way that they will become the people we all want our children to become. Brimming with specific tips and how-to details, as well as encouragement and optimism rooted in decades of experience, this book can quickly become any parent's go-to resource day in and day out, especially in those moments when you feel at wit's end. Bravo, Dr. Greene! - Edward Hallowell, M.D., author of Driven to Distraction, The Childhood Roots of Adult Happiness, When You Worry About the Child You Love, and Happy Child, Happy Adult
"This practical guide is a powerful tool to support the development of mindsight—how we know our own mind, connect with others, and respect differences. Collaborating with our children and teens is an important skill Ross Greene inspires us to acquire to help our kids learn the lifelong capacity to problem solve, be empathic, and become more insightful. Filled with captivating stories and clear steps, Raising Human Beings will help you raise thoughtful and resilient individuals."—Daniel J. Siegel, M.D. New York Times bestselling author of Brainstorm and co-author of The Whole-Brain Child and No-Drama Discipline
"A brilliant, practical guide on how to raise children in such a way that they will become the people we all want our children to become. Brimming with specific tips and how-to details, as well as encouragement and optimism rooted in decades of experience, this book can quickly become any parent's go-to resource day in and day out, especially in those moments when you feel at wit's end. Bravo, Dr. Greene!"--Ned Hallowell, New York Times bestselling author and ADHD expert
From the Author
"I wrote Raising Human Beings because it's quite clear that all kids -- not merely those with significant behavioral challenges -- benefit from being involved in the process of solving the problems that affect their lives and learning how to work toward mutually satisfactory solutions. And because I've been really concerned about societal trends that have been to the disadvantage of our kids and caused many kids to focus a lot more on me than on we. The problems that affect us all are going to require that we resolve them in ways that are for the collective good rather than solely for individuals. And because, while it's true that kids and parents are definitely going to disagree sometimes...and that kids are definitely going to have difficulty meeting expectations sometimes...those disagreements and unmet expectations don't need to cause conflict." -- Ross Greene
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Some may say, that's all fine and fuzzy and warm, but my kid needs discipline. Dr. Greene spends a good deal of time explaining why this method will achieve your aims better and faster than a more authoritarian approach. Using this approach to problem-solving doesn't mean you give up on discipline; it instead offers a more empathetic, constructive and effective approach to discipline, to helping your child to meet your expectations. That being said, Dr. Greene also points out that our expectations as parents should also be congruent with the natures of our children, and that's an important point, too. Sometimes it is we parents who must change our points of view.
This book is already changing my life. Probably like a lot of other parents, I've sort of been wandering around in the desert in terms of my approach to discipline; I've been trying to persuade, coax, bribe, cajole, and demand my kids into good behavior. My kids and I have had many discussions about good behavior, character, manners and responsibility, and when they have made poor choices, we have discussed what better choices could have been made, but sometimes they just weren't getting to where they needed to be. When they were very little, pediatricians and others strongly recommended time outs and consequences for misbehavior, and when those sometimes had no effect, I was told I must not be doing it right. Sometimes discussions worked, and sometimes they didn't. Sometimes bribes worked, and sometimes they didn't. Sometimes time outs worked, and sometimes they didn't. Sometimes demands worked, and sometimes they didn't. Sometimes consequences other than time-outs worked, but usually they just provoked huge distress that made my heart break. My older son, especially, is very strong-willed and active, and even my younger son often didn't want to listen, to do what I wanted or needed him to do. I often felt like I just couldn't get through, often even at important moments. Overall, I didn't have a consistent approach, and there was a fair amount of frustration on all sides.
For the past few months, I've been trying to use this approach as much as I can. I'm not perfect, but I try, and that's all each of us can do, after all. Already, I can see the difference, not only in our ability to solve problems together that I bring up, but in my kids' approach to solving problems between themselves and with me. Yesterday, my older son (age 9) came up to me and expressed a concern about something where he was worried that something he wanted to do might upset me, and then we were able to talk and resolve that concern together. In other words, he initiated the problem-solving, not me. That was an awesome moment! I'm not saying that everything is perfect now or that my kids are now always perfect angels; what is different now is that I finally feel that I can get through, consistently and with results. And we never had a high level of conflict, but now I really don't feel any conflict with my kids at all. There are certainly still challenges to be worked on, but I consistently feel that we're on the same team now, and we are making progress. I used to worry that if I couldn't get through to them about some things as kids, how well would things go when they become teenagers? Now, I feel much more optimistic that we will have a very good foundation for mutual trust and respect as they get older. Thank you, Dr. Greene.
Go read this book. It will change your life.