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Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves: Transforming parent-child relationships from reaction and struggle to freedom, power and joy Paperback – January 1, 2006

4.3 out of 5 stars 132 customer reviews

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Parenting in a complicated world
Strategies to help you be the best parent you can be. See more
$15.18 FREE Shipping on orders with at least $25 of books. In Stock. Ships from and sold by Amazon.com. Gift-wrap available.
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Editorial Reviews

Review

Naomi Aldort is an eloquent proponent of the simple idea that children need love and validation, rather than control and behavior modification. The result is the disappearance of power struggles and the emergence of closeness and cooperation. Aldort teaches parents how to listen effectively when children express strong feelings, and how to recover their ability to love, validate and offer comfort to their children when they, themselves, are upset.

-Nappa Awards

About the Author

Naomi Aldort is the author of Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves, sold in thirteen languages. Her advice columns are published in progressive parenting magazines worldwide. Aldort offers guidance by phone/Skype internationally regarding all ages, babies through teens: attachment parenting; natural learning; peaceful and powerful parent-child relationships, self-realization, marriage and more. Products, phone sessions and free newsletter: www.authenticparent.com

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Product Details

  • Paperback: 280 pages
  • Publisher: Book Publishers Network; 1 edition (January 1, 2006)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1887542329
  • ISBN-13: 978-1887542326
  • Product Dimensions: 6.1 x 0.7 x 9 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 1.1 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.3 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (132 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #102,339 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Top Customer Reviews

By K. Trumble on October 6, 2006
Format: Paperback
I have a young child who tends to get very aggressive when trying to tell me that his needs aren't being met. Until recently, he never listened to anything I asked of him. I was at my wits end. I'd tried everything. Things only got worse.

Then I found the answer that unlocked the mystery behind my child's behavior in Aldort's book, "Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves." It changed my relationship with my son the day I started following her recommendations. As I learned from the book (verified by my experience) it won't do any good to punish a child's behavior; it fact, it will only make it worse. There's an underlying reason for his behavior, and until I address it in an understanding and kind way, it will continue. Now I understand why he was acting the way he was and, more importantly, how I was causing it without even knowing it. Once I understood him, I could concentrate on solving the larger problem rather than correcting (punishing) the behavior.

Ever since I changed the way I interact with and speak to my child (according to Aldort's recommendations), my relationship with him has been transformed and, no surprise, he hasn't been aggressive at all. The book has given me tools of love and connection in all areas of parenting. I can't recommend this book highly enough. Buy one for yourself and one for all of your friends.
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Format: Paperback
Although I like Naomi Aldort's approach and techniques , I think that this book is not for everyone.
I agree that most parents should let go of their will of control over their children's behavior, and try to connect with them more on an emotional level. I also agree that bribes, punishments, time-outs and such methods are best avoided and do not work in the long run ( with my 3 y old they never worked even as short-term solutions).
But since parents are in charge, they sometimes need to take action in a firm and loving way. This book does NOT provide tools to figure out this proper way to deal with everyday issues.
It just points vaguely to the need to provide a strong leadership.
Perhaps for some enlightened people, like Naomi actually appears to be, there is no need for further explanation. Most parents would appreciate it though, including myself, who have always been a wishy-washy kind of parent.
Furthermore, I find Aldort's style a bit lousy and not very empathetic towards parents, despite her best intentions. While reading, I often found myself thinking " Gee, I'd really like to be like her" . But I'm not. So what?
Her approach stems out of her unique way to be an exceptionally nurturing, loving person rather than being a technique that everyone can learn ad apply.
It must be said that the books offers a very important tool with the S.A.L.V.E. technique which helps the parent to accept children the way they are, and validate their feelings. This is the most valuable part.
I have found a similar, yet much more useful and powerful approach in "Playful Parenting" by dr.L Cohen.
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Format: Paperback
I agree with most of the 5-star reviews here. This is the best parenting book I've found - a great leap from the many modern parenting books out there. In fact, I'd say it is the only parenting book you will ever need! Like another reviewer, I am ordering many copies and actively distributing to all the parents I know.

Finally, a book that spells out with crystal clarity that yes, you can respect and trust your children fully, and love them unconditionally, without any "ifs" and "buts".

Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves provides the tools for being always kind and loving in our day-to-day interactions with our children, and illustrates the guidance via eloquent real-life examples. These tools are easy to remember and put to practice, and they actually work. This book has transformed my relationship with my 10-month old, giving me permission to fully love her the way I always felt - without holding back ANYTHING! Quite a liberating shift. The guidance carries all the way from infancy through the teen years, and I am so grateful that I stumbled upon it while she is still little!

The transformative effect of the book goes way beyond parenting, as both the title, and the subtitle proposed by James Prescott on the cover ('Saving the emotional lives of our children and the future of humanity'), suggest. It lays out a readily available path to self-healing and self-realization through our relationship with our children (as well as with other people): simply by starting to examine how we respond to others a little more closely. Imho, this is one of the most important books ever written, period.

I have a wish. I grew up in Europe (France) and, really, I CANNOT WAIT to see the book available there as well, in other languages, and start infusing its wisdom and compassion overseas. Any publisher out there interested in making a difference? Call Naomi today, you'll do yourself and the world a favor. Our world needs this book. QUICK!
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Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
I loved Naomi Aldort's ***tapes*** and would recommend them with 5 stars!!!! I think that the tapes "Trusting Our Children, Trusting Ourselves" was earthshaking, life-altering, and nothing short of absolutely unbelievable. I was so excited for the book to come out, but was sorely disappointed. I feel that if the book is given to someone who is a new parent, and not familiar with any positive discipline or AP techniques, they would think that the book had no substance on which to base the her opinions.

In my opinion, she is a great speaker, therapist and mother; but just not a good writer. I have consulted with her on parenting issues, and have been purely impressed with her insight and advice. You can go to her website Naomialdort.com, and schedule a phone consultation. She is excellent.

I have been reading about 1 parenting book a week, for the last 3 years. I just did not have that "wow" factor with Naomi's book. However, if you want good books to read that have more "science" to back up the advice, I would recommend:

)Teaching your Children Self-Respect by Thomas Gordon

(another poster had eluded to this author with PET, Parent Effectiveness Training)

Thomas Gordon is referred to by many other authors, including Alfie Kohn

2) Between Parent and Child by Haim Ginott

Short, consise and packed with information that you will use for toddlers to teenagers. A big sigh of "oh, I can really parent and be nice". Excellent book

3) Unconditional Parenting by Alfie Kohn

You won't want to put it down. It really is thought provoking. He refers to Haim Ginott and Thomas Gordon.
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