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Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves: Transforming parent-child relationships from reaction and struggle to freedom, power and joy Paperback – January 1, 2006

by Naomi Aldort (Author)
4.5 4.5 out of 5 stars 321 ratings
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Every parent would happily give up ever scolding, punishing or threatening if she only knew how to ensure that her toddler/child/teen would thrive and act responsibly without such painful measures. Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves is the answer to this universal wish. It is not about gentle ways to control a child, but about a way of being and of understanding a child so she/he can be the best of herself, not because she fears you or seeks your approval but because she wants to, of her own free will. Aldort's guidance takes the struggle out of parenting. The book is full of real life stories, often leaving the reader moved to tears or laughter and relieved to discover that there is a kinder way. The SALVE communication formula has been praised for providing a hybrid of The Work of Byron Katie and Nonviolent Communication. It gives parents the tools to move beyond their initial unproductive reaction, to a response that is connecting and empowering to the child and to themselves.      

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  1. Print length
    280 pages
  2. Language
    English
  3. Publisher
    Book Publishers Network
  4. Publication date
    January 1, 2006
  5. Dimensions
    6 x 0.7 x 8.9 inches
  6. ISBN-10
    1887542329
  7. ISBN-13
    978-1887542326
  8. See all details
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Editorial Reviews

Review

Naomi Aldort is an eloquent proponent of the simple idea that children need love and validation, rather than control and behavior modification. The result is the disappearance of power struggles and the emergence of closeness and cooperation. Aldort teaches parents how to listen effectively when children express strong feelings, and how to recover their ability to love, validate and offer comfort to their children when they, themselves, are upset.

-Nappa Awards

About the Author

Naomi Aldort is the author of Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves, sold in thirteen languages. Her advice columns are published in progressive parenting magazines worldwide. Aldort offers guidance by phone/Skype internationally regarding all ages, babies through teens: attachment parenting; natural learning; peaceful and powerful parent-child relationships, self-realization, marriage and more.

Product details

  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ Book Publishers Network; First Edition, First edition (January 1, 2006)
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • Paperback ‏ : ‎ 280 pages
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 1887542329
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-1887542326
  • Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 15 ounces
  • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 6 x 0.7 x 8.9 inches
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.5 4.5 out of 5 stars 321 ratings

About the author

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Naomi Aldort

Naomi Aldort

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Naomi Aldort is the author of Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves and of hundreds of internationally published parenting advice columns.??She offers Phone counseling, Teleclasses, Free Newsletter, and CDs of her speaking: www.AuthenticParent.com

From infants and toddlers to children and teens, Aldort's guidance takes the struggle out of parenting. Instead of ways of controlling, she provides tools of understanding and responding to your baby, child and teen, so she can be the best of herself, not because she fears you, but because she wants to, of her own free will.

Naomi's SALVE communication formula has been praised as providing the best of The Work of Byron Katie and Nonviolent Communication combined and more.

Naomi addresses all subjects related to parenting of all ages, emotional, behavioral, learning, as well as the needs of parents, including and not limited to:

Understanding your child's behavior

Attachment and your baby's crying

Tantrums, aggression, defiance, anger

Cooperation without coercion, threats or praise

Sibling rivalry

Bed-time and Nighttime parenting

Nurturing Emotional resilience

Homeschooling and nurturing talent

Healthy food for children

Partners and relatives

Parent's emotions

Baby, toddler, child and teen behavior and emotions

Peaceful attachment parent-child relationships

Self-realization and healing through parenting

Self-directed learning and development

Special needs and situation

Trauma and your child

More.

"Aldort's book should be on the must read list of all Moms and Dads. This book could carry a subtitle: "Saving the Emotional Lives of Our Children and The Future of Humanity.""

- James Prescott, Ph.D. Institute of Humanistic Science

"Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves operates on the radical premise that neither child nor parent must dominate; it is for those who want to give up scolding, threatening and punishing. Her SALVE "formula" alone is worth the price of the book."

- Peggy O'Mara Editor and Publisher of Mothering

Customer reviews

4.5 out of 5 stars
321 global ratings

Customers say

Customers find the book's thinking points wonderful and enlightening. They describe it as an excellent resource, rewarding, and worth owning. Readers also mention the advice is easy to remember, follow, and apply. Additionally, they say the message of unconditional, sacrificial love is kind.

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InsightBook valueReadabilityLoveAuthenticity
45 customers mention "Insight"45 positive0 negative

Customers find the book's insight wonderful, enlightened, and spiritual. They say it helps them understand their children and is relevant to overcoming childhood dysfunction. Readers also mention the key ideas shared are transforming. Additionally, they say it provides great parenting advice and useful strategies to get through tricky moments.

"This book is so relevant to overcoming childhood dysfunction and raising strong healthy children" Read more

"...woman's message of unconditional, sacrificial love, empathy, and emotional maturity...." Read more

"...I was so impressed with Naomi's insights in this book, that I also bought her CD's for my husband so he can share in this rich knowledge for himself..." Read more

"...This book will give you peace, strength, will explain a lot about children and will tell you that they are doing their best at all times...." Read more

33 customers mention "Book value"30 positive3 negative

Customers find the book wonderful, excellent, and rewarding. They say it's worth owning and can be reread without being bored.

"...Raising Ourselves" so many times and have found it to be such a wonderful resource as I strive to be the best parent I can be...." Read more

"...this is an incredible book, and i recommend it to everyone i know, it's absolutely amazing in helping us to freely love our children and better..." Read more

"...but this book is encouraging and supportive - rest assured the rewards are great. Highly recommended." Read more

"...Despite some eyebrow-raising stuff, the book is otherwise good and has much of the same information as any other book on gentle parenting...." Read more

18 customers mention "Readability"15 positive3 negative

Customers find the book easy to read, remember, and follow. They say it's full of great advice that is easily applied to help understand children. Readers also mention the author is compassionate, providing tools to navigate children's experiences.

"naomi aldort is an amazingly compassionate writer, who speaks to her readers with incredible warmth and kindness...." Read more

"...understand the emotions the children experience and provide me with tools to navigate them...." Read more

"...The author does not have a university degree but clearly is very well read and better than that she is quite enlightened and spiritual...." Read more

"...Her "SALVE" formula is a bit simplistic but is easy to remember and I think accomplishes her purpose...." Read more

6 customers mention "Love"6 positive0 negative

Customers find the book's message of unconditional, sacrificial love to be magnificent. They say it helps them become more accepting, loving, and self-aware. Readers also mention the book helps them build a committed, connected, and mutually respectful relationship with their child.

"...as a whole fully supports this woman's message of unconditional, sacrificial love, empathy, and emotional maturity...." Read more

"...It is a book about equality, love, understanding, and freedom. I look forward to reading more books by Naomi Aldort. I hope you will try it, too...." Read more

"...with parenting, and also with living a more authentic genuine and kind life." Read more

"...The end result is a happier, more loving, move connected family where both children and adults are free to become their most authentic self...." Read more

3 customers mention "Authenticity"3 positive0 negative

Customers find the book authentic, honest, and loving.

"...the knee jerk and into curiosity you can act loving, supportive, and authentic...." Read more

"...Well-written, honest, and lovingly firm, this book will be my new favorite gift to give friends who are devoted to being the best parents they can be..." Read more

"...paradigm shift, that helps with parenting, and also with living a more authentic genuine and kind life." Read more

Top reviews from the United States

GM
5.0 out of 5 stars Great book
Reviewed in the United States on July 11, 2024
Verified Purchase
This book is so relevant to overcoming childhood dysfunction and raising strong healthy children
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Earthworm Jim
5.0 out of 5 stars The only parenting "manual" you'll ever need
Reviewed in the United States on June 7, 2011
Verified Purchase
When I first heard this author's ideas they were very foreign to me. We live in a society of blame, accusations, control and assumptions that contradict this author's views. But the more I listened to the author's tapes and read her articles and book, the more sense it started to make. Raising children is truly going to force you to look at yourself in all honesty and see where you are at with your own maturity (hence the title of the book, "Raising our Children, Raising OURSELVES"). You can choose to face your own emotional hangups when they are triggered by your kids and see reality with clarity or you can continue to be detached and unconscious of what's going on and react in, well, a childish manner. This book shows you how to choose to see reality and that's when the relationship turns around and true humanity kicks in. And after all that's what we're all here for - to become truly human. Children are a great gift and they help us achieve this goal. If this goal could be reached by everyone - true humanity = true empathy = PEACE ON EARTH and nothing less. To think we can all achieve this in our humble abodes.

A big lesson for me from this book was that children do not think like adults and will not think like adults until they are adults. Pretty simple concept but one of the many assumptions that parents make that create huge misunderstandings. Mrs. Aldort addresses this and many more assumptions that get in the way. She also addresses the arguments against her and why they don't make sense. If you can be really honest with yourself instead of reverting to the typical reaction of "kid's need discipline, the Bible says so, etc", you will see that the arguments against Aldort really don't make sense and that the Bible, looked at as a whole fully supports this woman's message of unconditional, sacrificial love, empathy, and emotional maturity. When people stop the emotional reacting of hitting, slapping, sarcasm, criticism, and other manipulations and choose to treat children as human beings things will change in this world.
14 people found this helpful
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A parent charting a new path
5.0 out of 5 stars This book will change the way you view your child (and yourself, too)!
Reviewed in the United States on June 17, 2008
Verified Purchase
I have read and reread this amazing book "Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves" so many times and have found it to be such a wonderful resource as I strive to be the best parent I can be. To be able to figure out myself as a parent first and why I act/respond the way I do, and then to apply that to the way I raise my child is truly a gift. And that is what this book is to me - an incredible gift that is changing myself, my marriage and my child's life as I can choose to parent him differently than I was raised. I was so impressed with Naomi's insights in this book, that I also bought her CD's for my husband so he can share in this rich knowledge for himself in the car on his way to and from work. He now wants to buy these for his dad friends as every day he walks in the door, he has some new information to share with me or to demonstrate with our son that makes our home such a happy place to be a child AND a parent.

Naomi has it right - parenting is no longer a struggle if you understand yourself first, and the way you were parented, and then you will be able to have your blinders removed to parent your children with joy and peace instead of the struggle we are falsely led to believe parenting is simply about. I wish every parent chould have access to such amazing insight in helping to change the world one parent and child at a time!
16 people found this helpful
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Marlo
5.0 out of 5 stars This book is the answer; what are you waiting for?
Reviewed in the United States on July 17, 2011
Verified Purchase
I have read MANY parenting books over the past 6 years, and this one is by far the BEST I have read. With the other AP parenting books I have read there was always something that I didn't agree with what the author said, but with Naomi's book there was absolutely nothing I didn't like; I agree with every word 100%. It spoke to my every cell; it was as if she knew exactly how I believe parenting should be and sat down, got inside my head & wrote it out for me. Thank you, Naomi, for this wonderful gift!

This is a book that every person (not just parents) should have. If every person did what Naomi suggests - work on themselves, and treat others, both young and old, with love, kindness & regard, it would help make a shift in every society & change the face of humanity. There would be more peace & less war until the word war became extinct from our language.

This book also showed me how YOUNG PEOPLE should really be viewed & treated. Many societies accept & treat children (who are people) as though they are of a lesser class; as though they are to be humiliated, and mistreated. How many children are accepted as themselves (as they truly are) instead of being molded into what we, as "grown-ups," think they should be? How many of US have been molded & now at the ages of 20, 30, 40, 70 we don't really know who we are, or we've used mind altering drugs to take away the repressed pains of our childhood? Wouldn't you rather be free and be yourself? Wouldn't you want your precious children to be free to be themselves at all times too? Wouldn't you want your precious children to know at all times that they are loved, and that whatever uncomfortable behavior they are displaying that they still are loved & accepted at that very moment? Wouldn't you want to know that freedom, love, peace, & joy is what you would be passing on to future generations & not control, humiliation, disrespect, fear, punishment, abandonment, war, etc? THIS BOOK IS THE ANSWER TO ALL THIS!!

I highly recommend this book to anyone who wants to make a difference within themselves & their families. You only need one parenting book, and this is the one!

Again, thank you, Naomi, for this amazing gift!
12 people found this helpful
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Top reviews from other countries

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Michael Isenberg
5.0 out of 5 stars The Golden Ticket
Reviewed in Canada on December 1, 2021
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This is, for me, one of the best books I've ever read. While it's core content about parenting is life-changing, the greater, over-arching message is how we act, think and feel as human beings. If we acknowledge that every person is an autonomous human being, worthy of love and belonging simply for being, than life can be so much more compassionate, empathetic, understanding - it doesn't mean we won't get sad, upset, irritable, etc. Rather, how we respond to those emotions (parceled with the overall decrease of frequency of feeling those emotions of when our needs are unmet), changes the very fabric of our consciousness and how we relate to the world.
Thank you for the clarity of context, ease of understanding via the explanations and storytelling, honesty, compassion and teaching us that life is truly wonderful.
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Cristina
5.0 out of 5 stars Imprescindible
Reviewed in Spain on December 18, 2020
Verified Purchase
Plantea la revolucionaria idea de no pretender controlar a nuestros hijos, ni "por las buenas" ni "por las malas". Esto implica romper con esquemas mentales heredados y muy arraigados de cómo se supone que tienen que ser las cosas, y en particular la relación padres-hijos.

El mismo concepto se puede extender a no pretender que nadie en nuestro entorno (pareja, familiares, amigos) se comporte como nosotros queremos, lo cual es posiblemente la única forma genuina de amor y respeto, y también una manera de vivir más tranquilo y en paz con uno mismo.
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Anonym
5.0 out of 5 stars Authentische Erziehung nach eigenen Werten
Reviewed in Germany on September 10, 2018
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Tolles Buch! Sehr herausfordernd und ermutigend!
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Samareh
5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent book
Reviewed in Brazil on July 25, 2016
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Recommended book for all mothers specially when the second one is under way. Must buy for all families. Thank you
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Amazon Customer
5.0 out of 5 stars Time and time again, this book is the difference that makes the difference.
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on February 23, 2016
Verified Purchase
I keep going back to this book... whenever I am finding a pattern with my son (now 7) that is not working, I (sometimes eventually!!) remember to look at myself and what is going on for me. If what you're doing isn't working, then unless you change what you're doing, it isn't going to work. Our children need our love and support to show them how to learn about their emotions and how to behave with them. Sometimes, though, we have something going on for us that gets in the way. Recognising that it's our thing and not their thing helps us to take the time to react with love, rather than recall the pattern we've always used in situations like these. I was recently helping my son ski. He lost it on the slope and started crying and would come down any further. So I lost it with him, because I was thinking about how I was going to get my child off the mountain safely! After 5 mins of admonishing him to sort himself up and stand, I realised that this was getting me nowhere and he was just getting more and more scared and upset, so I just asked him what he wanted to do; get him to take control of his situation and deal with it resourcefully in the way he could (with some guidance of course). So we agreed he could slide on his bottom without his skis (which I would carry) to a flatter bit where he felt safer to put them back on and carry on skiing down the mountain. He had been getting increasily fairly rude to me and back-chatting and I wracked my brains that night about what was going wrong between us - as I felt really guilty about my first reaction on the mountain. And that very night, I remembered to refer back to this book - it's on my kindle, so I can access it on loads of devices with the Kindle app so I've always got it with me... and it was so clear as I was reading - that the S part of SALVE came up loud and clear... I remembered my mother berating me when I was about 5 because we were cycling a fairly long way on a very hot day to the swimming pool out in Germany and my stabilisers kept bending, so we were taking ages and it was so frustrating for both of us ... she was scared, I was scared and that situation has imprinted on me and I believe completely influenced the way I behaved with my son this weekend on the mountain. When he woke yesterday morning, I cuddled up next to him in bed and apologised and explained how I could have done it differently. Magical. He said that's why he's been rude a lot, because I of the times I shout when he's scared and upset, (instead of doing the A.L.V and E parts that he's grown to expect).... Anyway, that's a bit of a long way of giving a very recent example of how this book has helped me and continues to help me to raise my son (I bought it when he was 3.5yrs old), to feel heard, to express his emotions (and to try and do the S of SALVE before I verbalise whatever's going on for me that has nothing to do with him!!). Thank you to Naomi Aldort... you are ensuring my son is growing up in a better place :-)
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