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Real Boys: Rescuing Our Sons from the Myths of Boyhood Paperback – May 10, 1999
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Real Boys presents more than the problems of modern boyhood, it also provides advice and assistance--ways for parents to talk with their sons, read their moods and emotions, and help them become confident, empowered men with genuine voices of their own. --Ericka Lutz --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.
From Publishers Weekly
Copyright 1998 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.
Top Customer Reviews
First of all, many of the people who reviewed this book complained that it was written in a clinical jargon, that at times, made it unavailable to the casual reader. In the same breath, these readers demand that scientific citations be presented every time Pollack begins a sentence with "My research shows". In essence, they are demanding scientific text devoid of scientific terminology. It's in the back, look it up. Furthermore, Pollack is a Ph.d in Psychology, and as such, probably does his research empirically. It is unlikely that he would publish phony results for all of his scientific peers to see and criticize if such results had no grounding in reality or even a kernel of truth to them.
I also feel that Pollack's seemigly repetitive writing style was a necessary ingredient in this book. He is not merely cudgeling us with case study after case study to make us cry, or to fill 400 pages. Rather, he is emphasizing the fact that the problems discussed in the text are problems for a great many boys and not just a few isolated incidences. A few depressed individuals is not news; an epidemic is. He is suggesting an epidemic.
Some individuals also stated that this book is based on common sense, such as don't call your son a "sissy" etc. If it is common sense, why is it still a problem?Read more ›
Having now lived as a man for 20 years, I can attest that the "boy code" of emotional silence about which Pollack writes has hobbled my adult life; it is only because my wife is endlessly patient and forgiving that I am at all whole. She's allowed me to explore a more complex approach to emotional awareness and expression than "happy" "ok," and 'ballistic," which is what many men are stuck with.
When I read this book I found myself exclaiming out loud, "He's right! He's so right!" every other page. Pollack is the first author I've ever read to describe life as a boy accurately. It has changed how I am raising my son in many ways, the most important of which is to help him learn a full range of emotional expression.
Every man should read this book. You will be moved to tears, in recognition of the ways you have been boxed into your helplessness about emotional comprehension and expression, and you will be able to get on and grow. And if you're a father of a boy, you will change how you are raising him.
During the 70's, I sometimes found it difficult to listen to the angry cries of my feminist sisters (and yes, I think women's minds are of equal value to men's) who too often seem to be accusing men of just being born 'bad,' rather than being formed and influenced by the actions and reactions of people, culture, environment.
We women expect our men (sons, husbands, friends and lovers) to be strong, yet sensitive. Their peers often expect them to be 'a man' - strong, not 'a wuss.' Trapped in a double-bind, most men respond to the heavy peer pressure, and turn off most of their emotions.
When a son hits adolescence, with the body and voice of a grown man, we often think that means he is a man, and should act like one. Without defining clearly what that is (for there are often contradictions), just when they need us most, we set them free in a world that is confusing, demanding, and frightening. (And if you find your self thinking there's nothing wrong with that, since that's what being a man means, I beg you to read this book!)
Little boys are expected to move away from their mother by five or six (to not do so means they'll have 'problems' later in life). When a young boy smacks a friend, we might just throw up our hands and say "boys will be boys." Worse, when an elementary school boy kisses a girl he likes, he may be accused of sexual harrassment.Read more ›
The abuse Pollack describes is something we are all tacitly agreeing to impose on our boys and men. It is something we can change, one boy at a time. But doing so requires a new critical view of mainstream norms of masculinity, and the development of awareness of extremely subtle symptoms of emotionally troubled boys. Pollack provides all of this and much more.
If you are raising or helping to raise boys, and if you have a clue what it means to have an open heart, and to embrace the full gamut of emotional experience and expression, you need to read this book. You will need the framework it provides for raising boys into open-hearted, strong-hearted men with as much familiarity with love, joy, sorrow, and fear as they have with rage and dirty jokes.
You will also need courage, dedication, and willingness to be seen as the local lunatic who allows his son to cry.
Most Recent Customer Reviews
Had to read this book for one of my college courses & it was AMAZING!!! I think every parents, especially with boys should read this.Published 3 months ago by HilltopMemories
Every parent should read this, just to get some fresh perspective. Boys are more marginalized now than I ever saw in girls in my boomer youth. Read morePublished 3 months ago by D. Knapp
The title says it all.
Say something, then say it again... and again... and again...
Reword it and then repeat
I got it for someone who refuses to read it but I did and it is decent enough. The similar book I go by says some of the same stuff. It works.Published 19 months ago by E. sapp
This is a book that was required for a psychology course I am taking this fall. Overall, this book is a great read by itself as well. Read morePublished 23 months ago by Jamie F.