- Series: Real Vampires (Book 10)
- Paperback: 352 pages
- Publisher: Berkley (December 3, 2013)
- Language: English
- ISBN-10: 0425267032
- ISBN-13: 978-0425267035
- Product Dimensions: 5.1 x 0.9 x 8 inches
- Shipping Weight: 9.1 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
- Average Customer Review: 4.6 out of 5 stars See all reviews (60 customer reviews)
- Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,092,684 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
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Real Vampires Know Size Matters Paperback – December 3, 2013
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Praise for the Real Vampires series
“Real vampires, real fun, real sexy!”—Kerrelyn Sparks, New York Times bestselling author
“Glory is Everywoman with fangs.”—Nina Bangs, USA Today bestselling author
“Fast-paced and funny entertainment…Glory is hysterical.”—Fresh Fiction
“This has to be one of the best series I have ever read. Even after seven books, Ms. Bartlett keeps the story and her characters fresh and never boring…This is a great laugh-out-loud series…Ms. Bartlett is an auto-buy.”—Night Owl Reviews
About the Author
Gerry Bartlett figures that vampires are pretty much like everyone else, except for the liquid diet. Eternity or Mexican food? Tough call. Then there’s the whole problem with sunlight. When would she treasure hunt for her antiques business on the historic Strand in Galveston? Gerry’s a native Texan and lives halfway between Houston and Galveston.
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Top Customer Reviews
Real Vampires Know Size Matters is book ten in the Glory St. Claire series. It's probably not a good place to start for new readers, but I will admit to skipping several books in the series and doing alright. I read the first four and set aside book five (more on that later), but anyhoo, yes, one could read this one after getting that far because there are some 'catch the reader up' moments when characters bring up the past.
The story opens with Glory happier than ever about finally having things settled between her and Jerry, but her happiness is tinged with a spot of trouble from an ex of Jerry's that has gone all voodoo priestess stalker gal on Glory. The woman is determined to ruin Glory and drive her into giving up Jerry. Jerry has told the woman that he isn't into her and he is back with Glory and Glory is it for him, but Mel still persists. Glory let's doubt creep in whether Jerry is really over the woman and can't help getting stirred up that he was with such a gorgeous put together woman even if she has a crazy stalker side. And she definitely worries that Jerry underestimates Mel and somehow the woman has a spell on him.
Meanwhile, Ray accidentally loses control while drinking from his co-singer, Sienna, and Glory has to come and change over Sienna to save her life. If getting a new vamp adjusted whose angry about her transition isn't enough, Glory is climbing the walls because of her irritating roommate the siren turned mortal, Aggie, now taking her stinking life issues out on Glory and anyone else. Rafe's back to being bodyguard while the dangerous ex is on the prowl and Ian seems more than casually interested in a spellbook Glory has. Glory's mom won't keep pestering her about her life and it's all starting to hit at once. Something's got to give and it may be Glory.
This one is a typical Glory situation. She has a laundry list of things that need her attention and most of it is due to her taking pity or going soft when someone else screws up and she feels she has to help fix it. And, if it's not that, she manages to drama up her love life even if it seems like it should be settled by now. This was definitely the book of the exes both Jerry's and Glory's though Glory likes to pretend its all on Jerry.
It's been many months since I picked up a book from this series. I really loved book one. The next few were good, but certain issues kept cropping back up. So, I stopped reading at book five. I had this later book from the series on my shelf so I figured I'd give it a go and see if maybe moving ahead would take care of some of the stuff that was bugging me.
Nope, the stuff that troubled me was mostly still there (to be fair, her fixation on her weight and looks was toned down and that was good).
Even in a fun and light series like this one, I still want to see a character come into their own and grow and I also want to see a long time building romance grow and mature.
But the thing is, other than a few tweaks to setting, I could have been reading the same book I put down. Ten books in and its still drama central with Glory and the gang minus the danger of the villains in the first few books.
And that brings me to the plot. There is no true conflict in this installment. This was a bland story. It's a string of petty annoyances for the most part with some occasional laughs. I think a fan of the series would probably keep going to see how some of the loose plot threads turn out, but for me, this book did not encourage me to want to see what comes next.
In summary, this was a moderately enjoyable book. The humor is a great addition and I do love the world and the characters even if the plot didn't pull me in. Though this wasn't my thing, it might work for others. I do think those who enjoy the lighter cozy-style urban fantasy should give it a go.
I rec'd this book free.
However, this latest book, "Real Vampires Know Size Matters," is my last Gloriana St. Clair story. Here's why: nothing ever changes. It's difficult to read a story where you think the heroine is finally going to grow up and change and come to terms with herself, and then she just DOESN'T. You see, although she's lived as a vampire for four centuries, Glory is still a sweet, soft-hearted doormat. BUT (((SPOILER COMMENTS))) I literally almost quit reading within the first chapter when this powerful, supernatural creature jumps up on the counter and screams because she saw a mouse. Okay, it was several mice, but who is she, Lucy Ricardo? Then she becomes nauseated because a cat shifter eats them, girl, really? You drink blood. You've killed people, sometimes violently! Honestly!
And that's the problem. You'd think after say, a hundred years, a person would have come to terms with certain realities. She'd know her strengths, weaknesses, her value and worth. Not so with Glory. Despite FOUR hundred years of un-life, she's still ridiculously obsessed with her body type and even more ridiculously hurt by people trying to put her down for it. But I can't feel bad for her, because she makes the same shallow observations about every other woman she encounters. She notes what they're wearing, how old they look, how much weight they have to lose, or how skinny and fabulous they are.
It's become very tiresome. No matter how many men fall in lust/love with Glory (and they ALL do while constantly telling her how beautiful she is), there's still this stupid, underlying refrain that she was fat when she was turned and it's this eternal source of anguish for her. Dang. Get over it already! Move on!
In keeping with the main character's lack of development, this story turned out to closely follow the established formula of earlier plotlines, i.e., Glory tries to help someone out who's then ungrateful and mean to her, Glory is the target of some evil supernatural-type (in this case a voodoo priestess), Glory has man troubles and is jealous and insecure, Glory comes up with some goofy, haphazard plan to deal with everything, Glory spends time shopping with her friends, then someone or several someones come along to help save her and success! The end.
This time around, though, I found myself wondering if Glory was not just sweet and naive but actually slow-witted and/or otherwise mentally impaired. (((ANOTHER SPOILER-ISH COMMENT)): Because, if you were a centuries-old immortal who could fly, was strong, eternally young and beautiful, and could turn into a freaking humongous awesome dragon, would YOU be worried about little things like people not liking you? *I* wouldn't! I can't even tell you the numbers of rats' behinds I *wouldn't* give for what people thought about me and whatever I chose to do.
And I sure as hell wouldn't leap up on a chair and scream if I saw a mouse.
Is this what the author really thinks of women? We're just weak, shallow, vapid, brainless and self-absorbed ninnies who need men to sort out our problems and protect us while we shop for expensive shoes and clothes? Well, it's not cute. Not funny. Not charming.
And not a heroine I want to read anymore about.
P.S. Those sex scenes. Please. No. Just stop it. They're awful. Either say what they're doing without cute euphemisms or leave it out. Ugh.