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How to Really Love Your Adult Child: Building a Healthy Relationship in a Changing World Paperback – March 1, 2011

4.3 out of 5 stars 69 customer reviews

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  • How to Really Love Your Adult Child: Building a Healthy Relationship in a Changing World
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Editorial Reviews

About the Author

GARY CHAPMAN--author, speaker, counselor--has a passion for people and for helping them form lasting relationships. He is the #1 bestselling author of The 5 Love Languages series and director of Marriage and Family Life Consultants, Inc. Gary travels the world presenting seminars, and his radio programs air on more than 400 stations. For more information visit his website at www.5lovelanguages.com.

The late ROSS CAMPBELL, M.D., was the author of the bestselling book How to Really Love Your Child, which has sold more than one million copies. He spent over 30 years as a clinical psychiatrist, concentrating on the parent-child relationship and later worked with the Ministering to Ministers Foundation, serving individual ministers, their families, and church organizations. Dr. Campbell was the co-author of The Five Love Languages of Children and Parenting Your Adult Child and author of How to Really Love Your Teenager.
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Product Details

  • Paperback: 192 pages
  • Publisher: Northfield Publishing; Revised edition (March 1, 2011)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0802468519
  • ISBN-13: 978-0802468512
  • Product Dimensions: 6 x 0.5 x 9 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 11.2 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.3 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (69 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #76,704 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Top Customer Reviews

By Keiki Hendrix on March 25, 2011
Format: Paperback
Do our children ever really grow up? In our culture today, parents face several a `new normal' with their adult children.

If you have adult children who have made bad choices, what advice do they give them. Even if they've made good choices, their reality is vastly different than when you were a young adult. How then can we biblically parent our adult children both by our behavior and our instruction?

Take heart. How to Really Love Your Adult Children: Building a Healthy Relationship in a Changing World by Ross Campbell and Gary Chapman offers wise advice and solid biblical instruction to parents dealing with adult children.

Beginning with a profile of an adult child in today's society and moving through red flag indicators and areas of concern, each chapter offers advice to parents of adult children with challenges like success (or heartbreaking failure), commitment and independence (or the lack thereof), facing lifestyle issues (sex and cohabitation.)

This is a needed book. I am the parent of adult children myself. In this changing society, I needed the advice provided here. Why, because the common thread running through all pages of this book was love. We can always learn to love better.

This book takes on some very hard topics. Homosexuality, Heterosexual Cohabitation, Addiction, among them. When each of these topics are addressed, the response of love is encouraged. Even when discussing tough love, the purpose is to make sure the adult child is confident in the bond or relationship with the parent.

Warnings signs are also discussed. Being aware of the symptoms of Depression, ADD, Passive-Aggressive behavior, and many more make the parent of an adult child much knowledgeable and aware.
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I usually read self-help books in sections. I read this from cover to cover. We have our 21 yr old daughter living with us, and there has been so much tension. This book helped me as a parent, HOW to communicate and open up. And also to realize that change doesn't happen overnight, but I've got a good start. Very easy to read and informative. Loved it!
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I am not the parent of an adult child, or even a small child for that matter. I just happen to be an adult child, and the sibling of several. I read this more to help me know what to say to the parents I interact with on a daily basis as they talk to me about their adult children.

This book covers most common modern scenarios which would happen with your adult children. The ones who make you proud, the ones who make you not so proud, and all the ones in between. I can't say from a parent's POV, but as an adult child, I think it sounds like reasonable information parents should learn.

FYI you should read the Love Languages books first or at least know what they are talking about or some of the things they say won't make sense.
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This book offers advice like "pray with your child" "get them into counseling".
The reality is that if they are troubled, the last thing they want is to pray with you or to be told to go to counseling.
I've found much better information on line about Children Who Won't Grow Up, especially young men seem to be having a hard time these days. Understandably! One good book was "Grown Up Children Who Won't Grow Up".
And talking to others alot! Get counseling for yourself rather than them if they are adults, you can't make them go. Learning to let of of feeling you have to fix and control them. Let them know you are there for them, love them, but don't enable them. Ween them off financial support. Take care of yourself. Keep yourself balanced and don't let anger or fear take over. Set a good example and often they will slowly start to stand on their own two feet and become someone you not only love, but that you actually like. We so often forget how we were when we were young. We don't want our kids to go through what we did. But maybe they need to? Best wishes.
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Format: Paperback
How to Really Love Your Adult Child is a great book written by Ross Campbell and Gary Chapman (also wrote the Love Language series of books). In this short, yet detailed read, Campbell and Chapman engage a major problem happening not only in the church but in secular society as well. From my experience as a social worker, working across the age spectrum, it is evident that parents often have a difficult time adjusting to life with their children after they have become adults.

They discuss what normal young adulthood is currently looking like and emphasize parental support for their children while maintaining healthy boundaries for those they have reared. They discuss in almost every area the range of emotions and responses that both sides are feeling and reacting to, ranging from defensive to aggressive responses.

Chapman and Campbell also discuss negotiation in several areas, including when children come home after they have left the nest. They do well in breaking apart two groups those who fail to thrive on their own (maybe depressed) and those who come home with a strategy in place. Not only do these authors discuss difficult junctures, but they also discuss the more normal ones, such as empty nest, independence, building an adult relationship, becoming an in-law and a grandparent.

The only concern I have is that this book, while it does talk about drawing that line, seems to minimize how difficult it is to do that sometimes when you already have made choices towards enabling your children. They talk about how to do it, but could spend more time talking about moving around the defense mechanisms that they will face, the hostility, anger, resentment, etc that most likely will come from an overly-dependent child.
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