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5 reasons to punch a dolphin - The oatmealWits End Bookstore

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5 Very Good Reasons to Punch a Dolphin in the Mouth (And Other Useful Guides) (Volume 1) (The Oatmeal) Paperback – March 1, 2011

by The Oatmeal (Author), Matthew Inman (Author)

4.5 1,426 ratings

Part of: The Oatmeal

Goodreads Choice Award nominee

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In Matthew Inman's 5 Very Good Reasons to Punch a Dolphin in the Mouth (And Other Useful Guides), samurai sword-wielding kittens and hamsters that love .50-caliber machine guns commingle with a cracked out Tyrannosaur that is extremely hard to potty train. Bacon is better than true love and you may awake in the middle of the night to find your nephew nibbling on your toes.

Inman creates these quirky scenes for theoatmeal.com, which launched in July 2009 and already has more than 82 million page views. In fact, every 15 to 30 seconds, someone Googles one of theoatmeal.com's creations. Now, 60 of Inman's comic illustrations and life-bending guides are presented in full-color inside 5 Very Good Reasons to Punch a Dolphin in the Mouth (And Other Useful Guides). Consider such handy advice as:

* 4 Reasons to Carry a Shovel at All Times
* 6 Types of Crappy Hugs
* 8 Ways to Tell if Your Loved One Plans to Eat You
* 17 Things Worth Knowing About Your Cat
* 20 Things Worth Knowing About Beer

Part of Series

The Oatmeal
Print length

160 pages
Language

English
Publisher

Andrews McMeel Publishing
Publication date

March 1, 2011
Dimensions

7 x 0.6 x 9 inches
ISBN-10

1449401163
ISBN-13

978-1449401160
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From the Publisher


	How to Tell If Your Cat Is Plotting to Kill You (Volume 2)	My Dog: The Paradox: A Lovable Discourse about Man's Best Friend (Volume 3)	Why Grizzly Bears Should Wear Underpants (Volume 4)	The Terrible and Wonderful Reasons Why I Run Long Distances (Volume 5)	404 Not Found: A Coloring Book by The Oatmeal (Volume 6)	Why My Cat Is More Impressive Than Your Baby
Explore more from The Oatmeal!

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Social etiquette, animals, rules of grammar, and more are critiqued in ways ranging from the educational to the bizarre in this collection of comic strips from TheOatmeal.com. While proceeding directly from the newspaper strip tradition, these Web comics present observational humor that's a little more vulgar, a little more clever, and a little more likely to end up with the reader actually learning something than would have been printed in a nationally syndicated comic strip. The humor, like many classic comics, is based on Andy Rooneyesque shared experiences, such as "10 Reasons to Avoid Talking on the Phone," "How to Use a Semicolon (The Most Feared Punctuation on Earth)," and "How to Track, Hunt, and Kill a Unicorn." These are presented in a text-heavy style supplemented with basic, XKCD-like drawings. While the collection is erratic, some of the best strips—many dealing with cats—hit the universal funny bone. (Mar.)
(c) Copyright PWxyz, LLC. All rights reserved.

Review

"Matthew Inman is the Gary Larson of the Internet age." (Ken Wheaton, Advertising Age)

"If Inman isn't a king of the Internet, he's certainly among its royalty. The Oatmeal is one of the most popular humor sites on the web." (Todd Leopold, CNN)

"In 2009, Inman put his hand to the page, and the world hasn't stopped laughing since." (Nick Carbone, Time)

"Dangerously funny." (TODAY.com)

"Delightfully absurd musings on both everyday life and fantasy from an unusually creative mind." (Kirkus Reviews)

Product details

Publisher ‏ : ‎ Andrews McMeel Publishing; PAP/PSTR edition (March 1, 2011)
Language ‏ : ‎ English
Paperback ‏ : ‎ 160 pages
ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 1449401163
ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-1449401160
Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 1.28 pounds
Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 7 x 0.6 x 9 inches

Best Sellers Rank: #152,170 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #446 in Comic Strips (Books)
- #483 in Love, Sex & Marriage Humor
- #1,690 in Fiction Satire

Customer Reviews:
4.5 1,426 ratings

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Matthew Inman
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I'm a cartoonist who lives in Seattle, Washington with two cats and two dogs. My favorite food is peanut butter and my least favorite food is an absence of peanut butter.
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The Oatmeal
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Matthew Inman is a Web designer and developer from Seattle, Washington. He has been designing Web sites since the age of 13 and is a seasoned programmer, systems administrator, and online marketer. Matthew launched TheOatmeal.com in 2009.
See more on the author's page

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4.5 out of 5

1,426 global ratings

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Aubade d'Ergine

A Mummy-frelling Pterodactyl in a throbbing sea of Chowderbeasts.

Reviewed in the United States on March 4, 2011

Verified Purchase

There is no place for exaggeration and unctuous praise in any review but I fear any fan runs the risk of coming across this way.

I dutifully pre-ordered this volume and it was worth every penny.

What's so great about this book?

1. It's by the Oatmeal. Yeah, I know- duh.

2. It contains a decent chunk of the classic comics plus some new ones and a removable poster. Sure it would been a wonderful addition to have the articles but hey, then it would have cost much more than $7 and change. It's printed on high-quality paper and quite simply, a colourful addition to any collection. Not personally into such things but it might also be someone's answer to the ideal micro-coffee table book.

3. Not a single wasted page, which is amazing. Every book, whether it's a textbook or nursery rhymes has b.s. pages that are blank. This did not. What can I say, I like efficiency and one less dead tree.

Are any of the things I've enumerated reasons to help feed Inman for a day? Of course not.

I won't pretend this book is life-changing, some overused adjective on par with AWESOME!!!, or that it's even necessary reading. A lot of this stuff is already online, so big whoop, right?

Well... it cracks me up that this shot straight to the (very nearly) top amidst self-help, dieting, and pulp fiction. Therefore, I say make this baby shine.

Help keep America semi-literate!

5 people found this helpful

Helpful

Gary Griffiths

For That Geek in Your Life

Reviewed in the United States on March 7, 2011

Verified Purchase

If you've haven't been introduced to "The Oatmeal," this is a great place to get acquainted with this hilariously abominable offspring of "The Far Side" and Dilbert. Matt Inman's primitive drawings and cynical insight into the practical ("How to Use a Semicolon") and the absurd ("Why it Would Suck to Live Next to a Volcano") are almost as informative as they are funny; this kid is a creative genius that observes and skewers without boundary or apology (just consider the title).

In addition to justifying that urge to punch a dolphin, Inman offers a wide range of valuable advice, including:

"8 Reasons to Keep Canada as a Pet" (They're not picky eaters.)

"Why it's Better to Pretend you Don't Know Anything About Computers"

The Nine Types of Crappy Handshakes"

"How to Suck at Facebook" (Like the "Horrible Photo Tagger")

And a couple of my all time favorites, " How a Web Design goes Straight to Hell," and "Why I'd Rather be Punched in the Testicles than Call Customer Service."

And much, much, more.

Yeah, yeah, I know you can get all of this stuff for free on TheOatmeal.com, but come on - $8 bucks? And what, you're going to give a url as a gift? And think of the convenience of flipping through The Oatmeal in handy book form when you're on the can!

Seriously, we can all benefit from Matt Inman's wisdom and twisted humor. Buy this book.

One person found this helpful

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TWS

Hilarious even if you've never been to The Oatmeal site :)

Reviewed in the United States on August 14, 2011

Verified Purchase

As a fan of The Oatmeal, I figured this would be an ideal book for some much-needed laughs; It turns out I was right on with the prediction.

Of course, the main attraction as advertised on the front cover with the 5 VERY GOOD reasons you should punch a dolphin in the mouth. Be warned though, this is highly frowned upon by animal protection organizations and could land you possible jail time if you attempt to do this in places such as Seaworld. That being said, don't let that stop you... just explain to the authorities the clear-cut reasons laid out in this book and you should be free to go.

I'd say I enjoyed a good 70% of the comics and illustrations in 5 Very Good Reasons to Punch a Dolphin in the Mouth and that alone makes it worth the purchase. Some of the best articles include Why It's Better to Pretend You Don't Know Anything About Computers ,How to Suck at Facebook (if you've ever spent anytime on Facebook, chances are you or someone else are guilty of at least one of these :p), Coffee With and Without, Types of Job Interviewees, Types of Airline Passengers, and much much more.

Matthew Inman (creator of The Oatmeal) really hits a home run with this book. If you've been to his site it has some new comics and even the old ones will still make you laugh. If you've never been to The Oatmeal site, you're in for a real treat. Plus you get a full-sized poster of Why Printers Were Sent From Hell at the back of the book :). 4 and 1/2 stars.

-Travis S

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Cooper Sharp

Good Source of Adult Humor

Reviewed in the United States on March 26, 2021

Verified Purchase

Another hilarious work by The Oatmeal, this book is a compilation of a variety of random subjects that the author pokes fun at. Some are actually educational, such as some trivia about cats and the history of cheese, among others, while a few others are just plain awful, like the section about the ways how to use a human corpse for decoration and tools (a joke, of course) and the pterodactyl poem, but it's otherwise perfect for anybody looking for a dose of politically incorrect (and somewhat dark) adult humor. Definitely NOT FOR CHILDREN.

The book itself is made of thick, high quality glossy-type pages with excellent color printing, with a nice, soft but sturdy cover. Included inside is a folded poster poking fun at printers.

One person found this helpful

Helpful

Mark L. Botzong

I've Never Laughed Harder

Reviewed in the United States on March 23, 2011

Verified Purchase

Since theoatmeal.com launched, I have been a huge fan. Matthew Inman, creator of the website, is a genius and superbly hilarious at the same time. I always look forward to new comics and quizzes on The Oatmeal, and laugh unnecessarily hard at all of them. Sometimes educational, sometimes a bit raunchy, but always side-splitting, the comics on the website are some of the best I've seen in my life.

Then, to my absolute joy, "5 Very Good Reasons to Punch a Dolphin in the Mouth (And Other Useful Guides)" was released and I was ecstatic. An Oatmeal book with all the comics on the site, plus more? I'm in! The quality level of the book itself is very good, with a substantial amount of hilarity. The pages are glossy and thick, containing both color and black & white comics. It comes with a poster that you can hang up in your room and laugh every time you see it.

Please, stop reading this and buy this book. There is nothing negative to say about it. Have I mentioned how funny it is? You'll laugh your butt off, and maybe learn a thing or two while clutching your gut.

Helpful

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Mattia

Fantastico

Reviewed in Italy on June 3, 2021

Verified Purchase

Veramente bello, anche se è scritto in inglese(il testo) le immagini sono molto intuitive.

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Inkysmiles

Hilarious!!

Reviewed in Canada on April 15, 2020

Verified Purchase

Love this book! It's a great mix of smart, funny, ridiculous, and "Yes! that's so true!" I've re-read it again and again, and it makes me laugh every time. I've purchased a few copies as gifts for friends and family and they've all loved it, too! A great escape into a good, light-hearted laugh!

One person found this helpful

Claudio B. Costa

Interessante, mas não imperdível

Reviewed in Brazil on November 11, 2019

Verified Purchase

É uma leitura fácil e agradável, mas algumas piadas são bem previsíveis e sem graça. Nada fantástico, mas dá para ler sem pressa e sem pressão, sem correr o risco de perder o entendimento, até porque, não há muito e entender.

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Moritz Denzlein

Geschenk N°1

Reviewed in Germany on July 16, 2019

Verified Purchase

Hatte es einem Freund zum Geburtstag geschenkt. Er wusste anfangs nicht viel damit anzufangen, doch mitlerweile ist es ein gutes Buch um mal 10 Minuten reizuschauen. Auch das Poster, welches dabei war habe ich jetzt bei ihm in zimmer entdeckt. Das Buch hat sehr viele Flachwitze und leicht Schwarzen Humor.
ach ja es ist einglisch, sollte aber der Titel verraten

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InfernapeXavier

The Title Gives it Away

Reviewed in India on May 29, 2017

Verified Purchase

Cons: There's no Suspense, the title gives it away very easily and quick.
Pros: You can now punch a dolphin without hesitation.

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