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Rebuilding: When Your Relationship Ends, 3rd Edition (Rebuilding Books; For Divorce and Beyond) Paperback – November 1, 1999

4.7 out of 5 stars 226 customer reviews

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Editorial Reviews

Review

“One of the best books written for the divorcing person... warm, engaging.”
the Behavior Therapist


”...deals with the everyday feelings and problems of the divorcing and divorced... hits just the right balance between seriousness and optimism.”
Florence Kaslow, PhD, Journal of Marital and Family Therapy


“...a handbook for the divorcing and divorced that is authentic and which they can employ in the rebuilding of their own lives.”
Esther Oshiver Fisher, JD, Journal of Divorce


“...warm, simple, and direct... this is a book you will not want to put down.”
A.R.E. Press


“I found the book comforting, helpful and realistic—it is going to hurt, and it will not be easy, but you can do it.”
Marilyn Anita Dalrymple, Affaire de Coeur


“If you're putting your life back together after a divorce, you need this book! It could be just what you're looking for to help you get your life back on track. I found it to be very interesting and informative.”
Jeanette Wright, Borger News-Herald, Borger, Texas


“Shows you how to move from denial to freedom and even another love.”
Jann Mitchell, The Sunday Oregonian


“...exactly what you need to help put your life back together during and after a divorce.”
Divorce Magazine


“I have read it four times and highlighted it in four different colors. I get something very different out of it each time...I have given it to many others...It is so right on about the recovery process that it is amazing.”
Joy (online review)


“It made me realize I was not the only person who felt and acted in a certain way when my marriage ended. We all have the same reactions and emotions. The steps to rebuilding your life make sense and should be followed.”
Linda (online review)

From the Publisher

Books in the Rebuilding Books series "for divorce and beyond" are written for those going through divorce or rebuilding their lives after divorce. Inspired by the work of renowned divorce therapist, Dr. Bruce Fisher, the Rebuilding Books offer expert information and practical self-help procedures. These straightforward, life-affirming resources can help make the divorce process easier, healthier, and less painful, leading to more-fulfilled lives and stronger "second-time" relationships. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.
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Product Details

  • Paperback: 304 pages
  • Publisher: Impact; 3 edition (November 1, 1999)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1886230692
  • ISBN-13: 978-1886230699
  • Product Dimensions: 6 x 0.7 x 9 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 14.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (226 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #7,047 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Top Customer Reviews

By Inga W. Holmquist on March 2, 2000
Format: Paperback
A friend lent me this book when my husband left me and I was in the depths of dispair. I was reading anything I could find to try and help me understand, but this is the one book that really helped. I latched onto it like a life-preserver to a drowning person. I have read each chapter several times now, and keep getting more out of it as I progress in my healing. I returned my friend's copy and bought my own (which I have now in turn lent to a friend in need.)

One of the revelations I found comforting was simply to know what the physical symptoms of grief are - that my sore throat, my aching chest and my dry mouth were all manifestations of my emotional trauma.

This book felt like I was talking to a friend who had been there and back, and could take me by the hand through the healing process and help me find my way back to joy. Please read it if you are hurting from the loss of a relationship - it will comfort you a great deal and help you move forward constructively. Then lend it to someone you know who could be helped by it.
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Format: Paperback
In its third printing, this book is a self-help manual for those trying to recover from a divorce, or going through the process of divorce. The first thing I noticed about Rebuilding is the feelings that surface during this trying and stressful period of your life are identified. When we are really suffering, it is hard sometimes, to analyze what we are feeling. Is it pain? Depression? Self-hate? All of the above? It is comforting to read that you learn we are not alone in our pain and confusion and that given the circumstances, the turmoil you are experiencing is quite normal. As each emotion is explored, the reasons for them are also examined. An example from another who has suffered the same misery is given, then the best part--what we can do with and about those upsetting, hurtful and sometimes hateful feelings that want to pull us under and drown us. For example, Chapter 7 looks at the two, " . . . very strong feelings which accompany the trauma of divorce--guilt and rejection. Advice given is to do a self-examination. Do we need to learn new ways of relating to people? Do we realize that feeling rejected is a part of ending any relationship? It's normal. It's natural. There is nothing wrong with us. Whew! If you are the one leaving the relationship, you are probably feeling guilt. You don't want to hurt someone you do or did love. However, say Fisher and Alberti, "To end a love relationship may be appropriate because it has been destructive for both people." Leaving can be a good thing for both people in the relationship. The chapter continues to describe the emotional cycles the "dumpers" (the one ending the relationship) and the "Dumpee" (the one being rejected) go through.Read more ›
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Format: Paperback
The book "Rebuilding When Your Relationship Ends" was one of the things that really helped me get thru my own divorce process and create a whole new wonderful life. It truly showed me that my feelings and reactions were normal and that they could be worked thru. After all Bruce Fisher and Robert Alberti worked with people who were rebuilding their lives after divorce for over 25 years and they ought to know. The book has a style that is very very readable. You can begin at the beginning and read it straight thru or open it to just the chapter that is appropriate for you at that moment, like "Loneliness", "Anger". "Self-Worth", or "Sex". The book is built around the metaphor of climbing a mountain, and you are shown just how achievable it is to successfully rebuild your life one doable step at a time. Once you reach the top of the mountain you experience a wonderful sight of a new you and a new life. As Alberti says, "So prepare yourself for a journey. Pack up your optimism, your hopes for the future. Discard your excess baggage. ---- And the Rebuilding mountain lies ahead for you." If you are only going to buy one book to get yourself thru the divorce process this is the one. I can't recommend this book more highly. Other books I would recommend are "How to Survive the Loss of a Love" by Colgrove, Bloomfield, and McWilliams, "Spiritual Divorce" by Debbie Ford, "Life after Divorce" by Sharon Wegscheider-Cruse, and "Finding Love (Again!)" by Connie Merritt.
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Format: Paperback
This book is a self-help manual for those trying to recover from a divorce, or going through the process of divorce. "Rebuilding" is the feelings that surface during this trying and stressful period of your life are identified. It is comforting to read that we are not alone in our pain and confusion and that given the circumstances, the turmoil you are experiencing is quite normal. As each emotion is explored, the reasons for them are also examined. An example from another who has suffered the same misery is given, then the best part--what we can do with and about those upsetting, hurtful and sometimes hateful feelings that want to pull us under and drown us. The chapter continues to describe the emotional cycles the "dumpers" (the one ending the relationship) and the "Dumpee" (the one being rejected) go through. Fisher and Alberti acknowledge not everyone is going to react the same, but no one escapes the pain. No matter how we are affected, though, we must remember guilt and rejection are tied to feelings of self-worth and self-love. Build up these two areas, and we will be less devastated by life's inevitable rejections. The end of each chapter has a "How Are You Doing?" section. A list of questions will help us think our way through our dilemmas and offer ideas with which we can rebuild our lives. I like this book because it forces us to do something besides sitting around feeling sorry for ourselves. There are ways to work through relationships that end, and we have the power and the tools to do it. We don't have to feel helpless. I like this book because it acknowledges we are not alone with our feelings. There is light at the end of the tunnel. We can go on to live a normal, happy life. It gives us hope.
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