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Recovering Spirituality: Achieving Emotional Sobriety in Your Spiritual Practice Paperback – September 1, 2011

by Ingrid Mathieu (Author)

105 ratings

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Guides those in recovery in developing the awareness and skills to deal with life's issues by practicing authentic spirituality and emotional sobriety.

Spirituality is a critical aspect of the Twelve Steps and other recovery programs. Yet, for those of us disposed to addiction, it can be easy to get so caught up in the idea of our Higher Power and the abundant joys of a spiritual life that we experience "spiritual bypass"--the use of spirituality to avoid dealing with ourselves, our emotions, and our unfinished business.In Recovering Spirituality, researcher and clinical psychologist Ingrid Mathieu uses personal stories and practical advice to teach us how to grow up emotionally and take responsibility for ourselves. Without turning away from the true benefits of an active spiritual program, she shows us how to work through life's challenges and periods of pain while evolving and maintaining an authentic relationship with our Higher Power.

From the Publisher

Find Spiritual Development That Works for You

Spiritual bliss. It’s a concept many of us are after—and when we’re working toward or are actively in recovery, it sounds like the perfect end goal. But true spirituality isn’t about granting our heart’s every desire. Some of the most important parts of a spiritual journey involve hardships and pain.

In Recovering Spirituality, author Ingrid Mathieu shares the concept of spiritual bypass, a defense mechanism by which we use spiritual practices or beliefs to avoid our emotional wounds, unwanted thoughts or impulses, or threats to our self-esteem.

Editorial Reviews

Review

"Recovering Spirituality is a remarkable book. Ingrid Mathieu uncovers aspects of spirituality and recovery that clarify many of the struggles addicts--both clean and not so clean--deal with. Her insights into spiritual bypass, its dangers and potential, will inform my own teaching and recovery. If you are in recovery and wondering why you feel stalled, or if you are working with someone who is struggling with the program, read this book. It will open doors you didn't even know were there."
--Kevin Griffin, author of One Breath at a Time: Buddhism and The Twelve Steps, and A Burning Desire: Dharma God & The Path of Recovery

"Recovering Spirituality is a rich and provocative read for anyone in recovery who (knowingly or unknowingly) has wished for a spiritual escape from the difficulties of life. Instead, Ingrid Mathieu offers an authentic, spiritual path of living in the here and now and of being present to this wonderful, precious life. Don't miss this book."
--Thérèse Jacobs-Stewart, author of Mindfulness and the 12 Steps

"With great compassion and wisdom, Dr. Mathieu points out how walking the spiritual path in general, and specifically as a tool of recovery from addiction in any form, is a very subtle process with sidetracks, bypasses, and self-deceptions into which aspirants may fall, challenges that are common within all spiritual practices. Recovering Spirituality is a powerful, loving guide to spiritual maturity, psychological self-reliance, and emotional clarity. I highly recommend it."
--Michael Bernard Beckwith, author of Spiritual Liberation: Fulfilling Your Soul's Potential

"A very important, lucid contribution to recovery literature, clearly exposing the very real problems that spiritual bypassing (the use of spiritual beliefs and practices to avoid dealing with pain and unresolved issues) poses in organizations like AA. For anyone involved in any way with AA, this is a book that should be carefully read and taken to heart."
--Robert Augustus Masters, PhD, author of Spiritual Bypassing: When Spirituality Disconnects Us from What Really Matters, and Meeting the Dragon: Ending Our Suffering by Entering Our Pain

"This much-needed and deeply important book offers profound insight into the human mind and heart. It looks deeply into the practice of spiritual bypassing--the use of spiritual ideas and practices to attempt to sidestep one's own unfinished emotional business. To my knowledge, Recovering Spirituality is also the first book to apply such inquiry to the process of recovery from addiction. In unraveling some of the mysteries of relapse and stalled recovery, it also offers an entirely unexpected twist on spiritual bypassing itself. A very valuable book for anyone in recovery--and anyone with a spiritual practice."
--Scott Edelstein, author of Sex and the Spiritual Teacher

From the Inside Flap

"This much-needed and deeply important book offers profound insight into the human mind and heart. It looks deeply into the practice of spiritual bypassing--the use of spiritual ideas and practices to attempt to sidestep one's own unfinished emotional business. In unraveling some of the mysteries of relapse and stalled recovery, it also offers an entirely unexpected twist on spiritual bypassing itself. A very valuable book for anyone in recovery--and anyone with a spiritual practice."
--Scott Edelstein, author of Sex and the Spiritual Teacher

"Recovering Spirituality is a rich and provocative read for anyone in recovery who (knowingly or unknowingly) has wished for a spiritual escape from the difficulties of life. Instead, Ingrid Mathieu offers an authentic, spiritual path of living in the here-and-now and being present to this wonderful, precious life. Don't miss this book."
--Térèse Jacobs-Stewart, author of Mindfulness and the 12 Steps

"With great compassion and wisdom, Dr. Mathieu points out how walking the spiritual path in general, and specifically as a tool of recovery from addiction in any form, is a very subtle process with sidetracks, bypasses, and self-deceptions into which aspirants may fall, challenges which are common within all spiritual practices. Recovering Spirituality is a powerful, loving guide to spiritual maturity, psychological self-reliance, and emotional clarity. I highly recommend it."
--Michael Bernard Beckwith, author of Spiritual Liberation: Fulfilling Your Soul's Potential

"A very important, lucid contribution to recovery literature, clearly exposing the very real problems that spiritual bypassing (the use of spiritual beliefs/practices to avoid dealing with pain and unresolved issues) pose in organizations like AA. For anyone involved in any way with AA, this is a book that should be carefully read and taken to heart."
--Robert Augustus Masters, Ph.D, author of Spiritual Bypassing: When Spirituality Disconnects Us From What Really Matters and Meeting the Dragon: Ending Our Suffering By Entering Our Pain

"Recovering Spirituality is a remarkable book. Ingrid Mathieu uncovers aspects of spirituality and recovery that clarify many of the struggles addicts--both clean and not so clean--deal with. Her insights into "spiritual bypass," its dangers and potential, will inform my own teaching and recovery. If you are in recovery and wondering why you feel stalled, or if you are working with someone who is struggling with their program, read this book. It will open doors you didn't even know were there."
--Kevin Griffith, author of One Breath at a Time: Buddhism and the 12 Steps, and A Buring Desire: Dharma God & The Path of Recovery

Product details

Publisher ‏ : ‎ Hazelden Publishing
Publication date ‏ : ‎ September 1, 2011
Language ‏ : ‎ English
Print length ‏ : ‎ 200 pages
ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 1616490896
ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-1616490898
Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 9.6 ounces
Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 5.39 x 0.6 x 8.4 inches

Best Sellers Rank: #282,756 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #267 in Twelve-Step Programs (Books)
- #442 in Substance Abuse Recovery
- #2,079 in Spiritual Self-Help (Books)

Customer Reviews:
105 ratings

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Ingrid Clayton

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Ingrid Clayton, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist and author of Recovering Spirituality: Achieving Emotional Sobriety in Your Spiritual Practice. She is a contributor to Psychology Today; her article, “What is Self-Gaslighting?” is considered an Essential Read. Ingrid has been interviewed for countless publications including Women’s Health Magazine and a guest on numerous podcasts including The Healing Trauma Podcast.

While Ingrid has a clinical background, she feels there is no theory, diagnosis, or therapy that can replace the power of shared experience. When she's not making Instagram reels, she enjoys hiking in the mountains and bingeing docuseries with her husband, Yancey.

Ingrid believes, in addition to raising her son, gaining the courage to write her memoir, Believing Me: Healing from Narcissistic Abuse and Complex Trauma, is her greatest achievement to date. Visit her at www.ingridclayton.com

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Customers find this book to be an outstanding exploration of spiritual issues, with one customer describing it as a fascinating look at spiritual bypass. The writing style receives positive feedback, with one customer noting how it guides readers through real thought processes.

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Spirituality Reading quality Writing style

12 customers mention "Spirituality"12 positive0 negative

Customers appreciate the book's approach to spirituality, describing it as an outstanding exploration of spiritual issues and a fascinating look at spiritual bypass. One customer notes it is written by an obviously insightful addiction therapist and counselor.

"...She lucidly addresses the concept of spiritual bypass and clearly shows just how many subtle forms it can take, and she does so with great..." Read more

"This is by far one of the most enlightening books on spiritual practice and how it affects sobriety that I have read...." Read more

"I've been sober for 23 years and this book was a fascinating look at spiritual bypass--the idea that people in recovery can get blocked in growth..." Read more

"...I give this book four stars for the ingenuity of the topic and the approach, for the author's clear passion for this work, and for the conclusion at..." Read more

4 customers mention "Reading quality"4 positive0 negative

Customers find the book to be a must-read, with one customer noting it is particularly beneficial for people in recovery.

"...helpful on many levels, the book is well-written and interesting to read. It is a nice mix of academic research, case studies and personal insight...." Read more

"...especially if you sponsor or counsel others in recovery, this book is a must read." Read more

"...This book does a fantastic job in examining all of these points and is great reading especially for people in recovery." Read more

"A new term for me, spiritual bypass, is the perfect book for me to learn that exploring the dark can lead to light...." Read more

4 customers mention "Writing style"4 positive0 negative

Customers appreciate the writing style of the book, with one customer noting how it guides readers through real thought processes, while another mentions the author's clear passion for the work.

"...In addition to being conceptually helpful on many levels, the book is well-written and interesting to read...." Read more

"...principles in the Big Book. Recovering Spirituality is a well written book by an obviously insightful addiction therapist and counselor...." Read more

"...the ingenuity of the topic and the approach, for the author's clear passion for this work, and for the conclusion at which she arrives...." Read more

"...This has been exactly what I needed when I needed it. She writes with much insight and compassion...." Read more

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John C Taylor
"...healthy spiritual practice involves working with the human condition, not overriding it."
Reviewed in the United States on November 7, 2011
Verified Purchase

It is not uncommon for people on a spiritual path, especially those in recovery, to experience their daily problems and ongoing struggles as failures of transcendence. We think that if we could just pray more, meditate better, turn it over more thoroughly, or overcome our self-centeredness once and for all, then our lives would be magically free from pain and struggle. This is obviously not the case, but the delusion persists in many of us, hampering our ability to accept, enjoy, and work effectively with our lives as they are.

Ingrid Mathieu's book is a potent curative for the many ways this type of thinking can stall us out on our spiritual journey. She lucidly addresses the concept of spiritual bypass and clearly shows just how many subtle forms it can take, and she does so with great compassion and good humor. One of the most powerful aspects of the book for me is the idea that sometimes the pain and despair we feel in our spiritual lives is just what we need to push us to the next stage of surrender, acceptance and humility. Just as "it takes what it takes" to get us into recovery, the same can be true as we grow into the people our Higher Power would have us be.

In addition to being conceptually helpful on many levels, the book is well-written and interesting to read. It is a nice mix of academic research, case studies and personal insight. I recommend it highly.

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Glenn R
The best book on spirituality in recovery that I have ever read
Reviewed in the United States on July 5, 2017
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This is by far one of the most enlightening books on spiritual practice and how it affects sobriety that I have read. But, it is much more than just that. Although it's intended focus is on "spiritual bypass", it also offers tremendous insight into the process of recovery itself. Throughout the book the reader is guided through the real thought processes, emotions and perceptions of actual people in recovery. These are followed by thoughtful interpretations from the authors' perspective, and further explained in the context of principles in the Big Book.
Recovering Spirituality is a well written book by an obviously insightful addiction therapist and counselor. To me, the fact that she herself is also in recovery adds authenticity and credence to her subject. We all hope to find those rare books that suddenly make "all the lights go on", and in my case, this book did just that.
For anyone with some time in sobriety who wonders why they 'still struggle', and especially if you sponsor or counsel others in recovery, this book is a must read.

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4 people found this helpful

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Kindle Customer
Outstanding take on spiritual issues in recovery
Reviewed in the United States on August 22, 2013
Verified Purchase
I've been sober for 23 years and this book was a fascinating look at spiritual bypass--the idea that people in recovery can get blocked in growth and character development by using their spirituality as a way of not feeling their feelings. The author explores healthy concepts of spiritual connection and 11th step work and takes apart are ideas such as perfectionism and "arrival" (the idea that at some point one is going to "get it"--ie life). The book examines and thankfully picks apart the "parking lot" concept of a higher power with its attendant concepts of abundance spirituality that depend so heavily upon personal guilt and responsibility--the problem with these concepts is that if we don't get the reward at the end of the day, we end up believing we are being punished or that there is something wrong with our program. Authentic spirituality is something that doesn't appear in spite of what one is going through, in spite of hardship, loss, or problems--it arises in the midst of those things and allows us to deal with life on life's terms. This book does a fantastic job in examining all of these points and is great reading especially for people in recovery.

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2 people found this helpful

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Scott W. M.
Recovering Spirituality
Reviewed in the United States on October 28, 2013
Verified Purchase
In this book, the author explores the connection phenomenon known as "spiritual bypassing," and recovery from addictions, particularly 12-step recovery. Spiritual bypassing is defined by the author as "a defense mechanism, by which we use spiritual practices of beliefs to avoid our emotional wounds, unwanted thoughts or impulses, or threats to our self-esteem, " (p. 2). Having interviewed anonymous 12-steppers, she attempts to approach a greater understanding of the mechanism of such bypassing in recovery, how it operates.

Throughout the book, the author contextualizes her work in the intersecting traditions of both addictions and recovery literature, and of spiritual and transpersonal psychology. However, as the reader I felt myself wanting more contextualization and presentation of theories and ideas in addition to her interviewing process. Instead, the interviews took the main stage, and this is where the essence of her inquiry came to fruition.

The author concludes that spiritual bypassing is actually a normal part of the developmental process for recovering addicts, and most people. She had cited learning to view such bypassing as a really negative thing that should be done away with, and after conducting her interviews realized that bypassing itself was inevitable if one is committed to a true recovery that involves spirituality and spiritual growth. Thus the distinction is that spiritual bypassing is a natural and healthy process at times, and yet simultaneously it is not to be confused with the ideal, the true spiritual.

I give this book four stars for the ingenuity of the topic and the approach, for the author's clear passion for this work, and for the conclusion at which she arrives. The missing star is the missing content, theorization, and elaboration that I would have liked to have seen from the author, although for the purposes of presenting her data this book functioned quite well.

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Susan Mct
Thought this was a good book.
Reviewed in Canada on March 12, 2014
Verified Purchase

Being over 5 years sober - and in a 12 step program I was finding myself beating myself up for not being 'further along' or for still having feelings of angst. What I really loved about this book - was the use of the idea of 'spiritual bypass'. I didn't quite grasp the concept in the first chapter - but later in the book it really hit home for me. I could relate to the idea that a lot of people in recovery were not necessarily being authentic to their true feelings or pain - and instead are trying to stifle or override them with the expectation that they should feel 'good' all the time - or have 100% wonderful lives because they are working a program. The truth is, a lot of people in long term recovery are still trying to cope with uncomfortable feelings/emotions in spite of a higher power, 12 step program or whatever. The idea of spiritual bypass being a way of avoiding - rather than really dealing with the truth of one's experience - or being able to tolerate/co-exist with one's authentic feelings . The truth is - a lot of people may give up their initial substance of abuse - but they still haven't come to terms with accepting their true feelings - or that the road to recovery can be a lifetime process - and not always a comfortable one. There was one quote that I really liked ... "The reason acceptance often brings some relief is that the person no longer struggles against what is real. He may not love his circumstances, but at least he isn't adding insult to injury by ingoring, pretending or fighting with them." ... ' and another quote..." humility and acceptance are the keys to moving through spiritual bypass". So until we are able to at least tolerate the truth of what we are feeling and find a way to cope - I believe we'll just keep finding other ways to stuff them and other addictions to turn to. The book does not put down 12 step programs - it's just pointing out that there can be avoidance and unrealistic expectations in relation to them - I've experienced this myself - as well seen this with my friends in recovery. I believe there is a lot of good in this book.

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Nachosmum
Fantastic and exactly what I needed to hear
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on April 6, 2021
Verified Purchase
Absolutely fantastic, really helped me understand why I was feeling emotionally “unsober” after 8 years in recovery and abstinence. Really changed my perspective on recovery and the big book. A fabulous book for those looking for stage 2 recovery from addiction

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Helen Gibney
A must read for anyone in recovery.
Reviewed in Australia on March 16, 2015
Verified Purchase
Excellent book. Need to reread it now to absorb a lot of what was said. It made sense, was straightforward and easy to digest.

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Ann
Recovering Spirituality: Achieving Emotional Sobriety in Your Spiritual...
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on July 25, 2013
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Excellent loved every word, very enlightening nad mind blowingat time enjoyable read with an better insight into spiritual recovery and its hidden pitfalls

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5.0 out of 5 stars "...healthy spiritual practice involves working with the human condition, not overriding it."

5.0 out of 5 stars The best book on spirituality in recovery that I have ever read

5.0 out of 5 stars Outstanding take on spiritual issues in recovery

4.0 out of 5 stars Recovering Spirituality

Top reviews from other countries

4.0 out of 5 stars Thought this was a good book.

5.0 out of 5 stars Fantastic and exactly what I needed to hear

5.0 out of 5 stars A must read for anyone in recovery.

5.0 out of 5 stars Recovering Spirituality: Achieving Emotional Sobriety in Your Spiritual...

"...healthy spiritual practice involves working with the human condition, not overriding it."

The best book on spirituality in recovery that I have ever read

Outstanding take on spiritual issues in recovery

Recovering Spirituality

Thought this was a good book.

Fantastic and exactly what I needed to hear

A must read for anyone in recovery.

Recovering Spirituality: Achieving Emotional Sobriety in Your Spiritual...