John Stoltenberg (born 1944) is a radical feminist activist, scholar, author, and magazine editor.
He wrote in the Preface to this 1989 book, “This book is about … the possibility of an emerging selfhood rooted in one’s capacity for fairness… what does it mean to ‘refuse to be a man’?... [Males] learn … an ethic that leaves out specific others. In order to distinguish themselves as real ‘men,’ they learn not to know what can be known about the values in what they do to others, specifically anyone who is ‘less a man.’ So to begin with, refusing to be a man means learning a radical new ethic: determining to learn as much as one can know about the values in the acts one has done and the acts one chooses to do and their full consequences for other people---as if everyone else is absolutely real as oneself.” (Pg. 4-5)
He states, “Under father right, the first fact of every human life is that one is birthed by human flesh that belongs to someone barren. Every human life comes forth from a woman whose body at no moment in her life is not defined as the actual or potential personal property of men.” (Pg. 67)
He asserts, “The post-Vietnam War era reverberated with a betrayal of women by ‘progressive’ men---a betrayal that may be said to be the very essence of whatever political progressivism in this country has ever meant. At no time has an objection to tyranny been couched in terms that even hinted at an objection to men’s tyranny over women.” (Pg. 80)
He observes, “In fact, throughout history, men as a class have always expressed their feelings, eloquently and extensively: … Men have institutionalized their feelings, so that whether or not a particular man is feeling the feeling at a particular time, the feeling is being expressed through the institutions men have made.” (Pg. 91-92)
He suggests, “So long as we continue to try to act in ways that keep us still ‘men,’ we are doomed to paralysis, guilt, self-hatred, inertia. So long as we try to act AS MEN, in order to continue to BE men, in order to do our bit in the social construction of the entity that is … men, we doom women to injustice.” (Pg. 185)
Stoltenberg’s books are “must reading” for anyone interested in the profeminist men’s movement, gender studies, and feminism.
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Refusing to Be a Man: Essays on Sex and Justice Paperback – May 30, 1990
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John Stoltenberg
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John Stoltenberg
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There is a newer edition of this item:
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Print length192 pages
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LanguageEnglish
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PublisherPlume
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Publication dateMay 30, 1990
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Dimensions5.5 x 0.75 x 8 inches
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ISBN-100452010438
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ISBN-13978-0452010437
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Editorial Reviews
From Publishers Weekly
"Co-founder of Men Against Pornography, Stoltenberg considers himself a radical feminist. These 13 searching essays reflect his belief that male sexuality is an artificial, social-political construct, inextricably linked to widely held assumptions of men's 'natural' superiority over women," reported PW.
Copyright 1990 Reed Business Information, Inc.
Copyright 1990 Reed Business Information, Inc.
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Product details
- Publisher : Plume (May 30, 1990)
- Language : English
- Paperback : 192 pages
- ISBN-10 : 0452010438
- ISBN-13 : 978-0452010437
- Item Weight : 8.2 ounces
- Dimensions : 5.5 x 0.75 x 8 inches
-
Best Sellers Rank:
#1,539,800 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #1,561 in Men's Gender Studies
- #3,430 in Popular Psychology of Sexuality
- #10,720 in Medical General Psychology
- Customer Reviews:
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4.2 out of 5 stars
4.2 out of 5
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Reviewed in the United States on January 14, 2016
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5.0 out of 5 stars
This book is a quarter-century old, and we have never needed it more than we do now!
Reviewed in the United States on March 15, 2015
Many men will find this book uncomfortable to read. I am surprised and frankly disgusted at the vile tone of some of the reviews of this book, which is one of the most insightful commentaries on male violence and its relationship to the social construct, "Be a man!" I refuse to be that sort of man. I refuse to participate in a culture in which it is just fine for men to kill a woman they've raped on a bus, "because she didn't submit willingly" or in which a male judge in Italy acquits a rapist because the woman he raped was wearing tight jeans and so she had to have helped take them off...she was a willing participant. Every week now, we read about mass shootings, and guess what? They're all committed by men (nearly all). There is something deeply wrong with a culture that not only accepts this with a shrug, but secretly connives with it.
Our relationships with other men are all contaminated with this competitive thing we've got going. Where are the real "gentle"-men? The kind men? The men who listen? The men who will actually talk about their inner fears, hopes, dreams, doubts and anguishes?
And for you other male reviews (or readers), no, I'm not gay. But so what if I were? Would that make my point any less valid? Would it make ME any less valid?
This book gave me hope, for the first time, of the possibility of a community in which men don't have to fear each other, bully each other or establish who is "top gun."
Thank God for the early feminists and women-liberationists. Yes, they made me uncomfortable at first! No, I didn't like being excluded from their gatherings and discussions. Then I realized what I didn't like was getting a taste of my own medicine! And I learned that I could change. I learned that women's courage to challenge the dominant paradigm was going to set us ALL free to be our best selves. That is what this book is really about...having the courage to turn your back on "be a man" and become a tender, vulnerable and fair human being instead.
This book is a quarter-century old, and we have never needed it more than we do now!
Our relationships with other men are all contaminated with this competitive thing we've got going. Where are the real "gentle"-men? The kind men? The men who listen? The men who will actually talk about their inner fears, hopes, dreams, doubts and anguishes?
And for you other male reviews (or readers), no, I'm not gay. But so what if I were? Would that make my point any less valid? Would it make ME any less valid?
This book gave me hope, for the first time, of the possibility of a community in which men don't have to fear each other, bully each other or establish who is "top gun."
Thank God for the early feminists and women-liberationists. Yes, they made me uncomfortable at first! No, I didn't like being excluded from their gatherings and discussions. Then I realized what I didn't like was getting a taste of my own medicine! And I learned that I could change. I learned that women's courage to challenge the dominant paradigm was going to set us ALL free to be our best selves. That is what this book is really about...having the courage to turn your back on "be a man" and become a tender, vulnerable and fair human being instead.
This book is a quarter-century old, and we have never needed it more than we do now!
9 people found this helpful
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