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Regret-Free Living: Hope for Past Mistakes and Freedom From Unhealthy Patterns Hardcover – Bargain Price, October 1, 2009
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Top Customer Reviews
For many, if not all, of us our greatest desire is to come to the end of our life and declare, "I have NO regrets."
Our minds begin to replay all those incidents that brought pain, shame, regret, and also those that made us laugh and produced feelings of happiness. How can we insure that the last days of our lives won't be lived in constant anguish over what could have been? Perhaps that failed marriage, the estranged friendships or strained parent-child relationships. Maybe the career choices that...well, didn't quite measure up to those "world-changing," at least "leaving our mark" declarations we made as teenagers.
Stephen Arterburn explores many of these, and more mixed with personal and professional experiences he's witnessed in his adult life. He is tender when needed, yet blunt and honest as well.
His book, Regret-Free Living, opens with him sharing one of his greatest regrets and how he dealt with it. Moving from there, he shares the warning signs of unhealthy relationships, then takes his readers--us--on the journey to take responsibility, to embrace our past and who we are, to recognize that though we may have some culpability it does "take two to tango."
He shares with us how to know when we should fight for the relationship and how to fight for it in a God-honoring fashion. There also comes a time to pack it in. Then he brings us to the point of healing with forgiveness, both for self and the other; truly loving as God loves us; restoration and making restitution where necessary.
What I love most about this book is the abundance of Scripture and Mr. Arterburn's insistence that God must be at the center of our world.Read more ›
Arterburn begins by discussing the "markers of defective relationships (p. 23)" by helping you identify what it is that is creating the unhealthy patterns in your relationships. Whether it's putting yourself first, secrecy, or resentment to name a few, the reader can put themselves in thought as to what is wrong in their failing relationship.
From there, the author helps the reader to admit their mistakes and how to fix the situation. "Living a regret-free life means being honest about everything you did to help create regrets and honest about how you felt when someone else was hurtful to you (p.93)." A person must turn to God for help so that person can be honest and face their mistakes.
Sometimes, though, it seems as though the relationship is not getting better. You've tried everything and it's not going forward. "Not all important relationships, however, will transform for the better; sometimes one of the people is simply not willing to do the work. But before you give up, be sure that you do put forth the effort to make that relationship all that it could be (p.98)." Then the author adds, "if it does end, and you can't fix it, then you'll want to know, for the rest of your life, that you did everything you could to make it right (p.99-99). Eventually, you'll just have to "let it go. Recognize when it's over and let it die the natural death it should (p.102).Read more ›
I enjoyed this book because it helped me release past regrets from my own life. In parts of the book I felt as though Arterburn was speaking directly to me Perhaps the most important and helpful information I gleaned from reading this book was when I read "don't take on more responsibilty than you actually own for a situation with another person." I have a tendency to focus on my mistakes and deceive myself into thinking I am the sole cause for a situation in my relationships. After reading this book, I will make a conscious effort to accept only my part in a problem.
This book was reviewed for Bethany House Publishers.
Regret-Free Living shows the reader how to unload all of the bad feelings and thoughts that come from keeping shame bottled up on the inside. The book does not suggest a "feel good" philosophy but rather teaches us that we are to accept responsibility for our actions and work on changing ourselves, with God's grace, mercy and help.
Steven talks about the signs of unhealthy relationships (resentment, animosity, secrecy, selfishness, etc) and how recognizing these signs, can help us face the reality of what we need to change. Steven is clear to point out that "regret-free" living cannot be accomplished without first and foremost putting our hope and trust in God.
My favorite chapter was Chapter 6, which offers the six qualities necessary for a happy, regret-free relationship. All of the information and advice in this book can be applied to every aspect of life from marriage and parenting to co-workers and business relationships. All throughout the book, Steven uses the truth of God's Word and scriptures to validate and support his points and advice.
***** The person who commented above me wasn't sure which Bible translations were being used in this book. The scriptures quoted are taken from the New Living Translation and the New International Version.
Most Recent Customer Reviews
This book is filled with truth to offer solid ways to have no regrets (or fewer of them) in almost any relationship. Read morePublished 16 days ago by Sandy Path
Not a helpful book for me, Kept waiting for it yield some great insight and it. just. didn't.. for me.Published 16 months ago by M. M
I must admit that I listened to the majority of "Regret-Free Living", rather than actually read it. Read morePublished 17 months ago by D. B.
A very good book. Very practical and useful suggestions for healing relationships with friends and family members. One of the best books I've read.Published 18 months ago by hope
I would highly recommend this book for anyone, relationships are hard. I seen myself in so many of the stories told and I am still in the midst of a abusive marriage with no way of... Read morePublished 19 months ago by GJS
Although good information,the book seemed to repeat some of the information and sentences were sometime hard to understand and rambling.Published 19 months ago by susan j. trull
I read Regret-Free Living twice, hoping that maybe a second reading would do for me what the first had not---show me how I am supposed to attain the goal of "regret-free living. Read morePublished on November 11, 2013 by Wendy G. Anderson
Great book. Very helpful. I don't want to write sixteen more words. I liked the book and that is all.Published on February 27, 2013 by Marsha R DeLuca