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When Your Relationship Changes Paperback – Large Print, July 20, 2014
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Reviewed By Vernita Naylor for Readers' Favorite (7/2/2016)
When Your Relationship Changes by Kathryn Foster, Ph.D. gives a wealth of information about why some marriages fail, and ways to overcome it. As you begin to read through When Your Relationship Changes, it reads as if you were the therapist speaking to your clients. Kathryn introduces the material with A Brief Summary of The Naked Truth About Men (And Romance)..... that puts me in mind of Men Are From Mars and Women Are From Venus. Kathryn states how men's testosterone and women's oxytocin dictate their emotions. Most men are systemizers (limited, orderly, and see a person for what they can do), while most women are empathizers (caretakers, sensitive, and try to avoid hurting anyone). With these emotional values that men and women possess, it is no wonder why some marriages fail.
"Your body may tell you it's time to leave. Our bodies speak to us because they're connected to our right brain and thus to our feeling selves," says Kathryn. For me, these words speak volumes and bring me into the reality of relationships and why they do change. When Your Relationship Changes by Kathryn Foster, Ph.D. answers questions such as if marriage should be full of wedded bliss, then why doesn't it last forever? When you are in the dating phase, are you dealing with the real person or their representative? Do opposites really attract and is it the recipe for a good marriage? One thing to take away from reading When Your Relationship Changes by Kathryn Foster, Ph.D. is that it's not your fault and could be a blessing in disguise.
About the Author
Kathryn Foster, Ph.D. is a psychologist in private practice in Fort Worth, Texas. With a masters degree in marriage and family counseling and a Ph.D. in psychology, she has practiced psychotherapy for 26 years. She has also written a companion to this book called The Naked Truth About Men (And Romance,) What Women Want...Really! (a read aloud book for couples,) Sessions: Memoirs of a Psychotherapist (a novel,) and Finding My Way (a novel.) Sign up for her free newsletter at www.booksbykathrynfosterphd.com
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“Your body may tell you it’s time to leave. Our bodies speak to us because they’re connected to our right brain and thus to our feeling selves,” says Kathryn. For me, these words speak volumes and bring me into the reality of relationships and why they do change. When Your Relationship Changes by Kathryn Foster, Ph.D. answers questions such as if marriage should be full of wedded bliss, then why doesn't it last forever? When you are in the dating phase, are you dealing with the real person or their representative? Do opposites really attract and is it the recipe for a good marriage? One thing to take away from reading When Your Relationship Changes by Kathryn Foster, Ph.D. is that it's not your fault and could be a blessing in disguise.
Dr. Foster highlights many crucial truths. For example, she explains how the original two people who fall hopelessly in love are usually NOT the same two people in years to come. There must be the awareness that life happens, and as it happens, we all evolve. A healthy relationship must expect this and allow for it. She describes how many women seek "better than the best" type of emotional bonding they have ever experienced. Their mate may likely not be able to provide this unfailingly.
She shines a spotlight on the unspoken premises, in many relationships, regarding the division of responsibilities. Unfortunately, many women assume a majority of responsibility for the children, the house, the family calendar and their own jobs outside the home. This is often a recipe for relationship burn-out.
Dr. Foster also points the the following phenomena. If ,and when, a relationship dies, the tendency is for society and the partners to see this a shameful failure. She proposes that it is time to stop villainizing the process that happens in approximately 50 % of all marriages.
The part of the book I find especially priceless, is Dr. Foster's encouragement to the single woman, who finds herself alone in the aftermath of an ended relationship. Her book gives detailed steps - and amazing inspirations - for day to day healing after divorce or break-up. She provides a roadmap to "love addicts" to re-build their identity and let go of bitterness. Her guidelines seem to echo Alanon's rock solid philosophy of compassionate acceptance of fact we can only change ourselves. My favorite quote of the book is found on page 73. "To fail to accept our own aloneness is to render ourselves needy."
This book gives countless people permission to be human, freedom from dogma, a prescription for healing; normalizes the real challenges of evolving partnerships and deconstructs many of our cultural Rom-Com (romantic comedy) myths.