Top positive review
27 people found this helpful
Connecticut Couple says:
on March 1, 2004
We have been married for almost 16 years. We have two kids, two cars, a boat, (the dog died), and a home in suburbia. We've considered our relationship to be pretty good all these years but, after reading Working on Your Relationship Doesn't Work by Ariel and Shya Kane, it got even better - magic IS possible - and the book demonstrates how.
We had always believed that good relationships needed hard work to keep them alive and vital. And, there were times in the past when we worked VERY hard - on ourselves and on each other. The work always showed up as a complaint about something the other of us did or didn't do and then became a project to fix it! We were trying to fit the relationship we had into what our minds told us might be better. That strategy didn't work. It actually created more things to work on. Who wants to be fixed? So, when we saw the title of the Kanes' book, we knew we had to read it.
All we can say is: What a book!
As we read it, we found out that creating a magical relationship is really all about our day-to-day willingness to look and discover the mechanical ways we relate to one another without judging what we see. We found out we didn't have to work on or do something to fix anything. As the Kanes suggest, theirs is a transformational approach to creating magical relationships.
At first we didn't know how to just look without judging. It was a bit challenging for us to take this approach. And we realized for the first time that part of each of us really didn't want to give up the righteously being right dynamic. But, the Kanes suggested that it could be done and that we would be happy with the results if we did. We decided to go for it!
The book suggested that we look at the ways we relate through the lens of an anthropologist, simply interested in finding facts, rather than looking and finding fault through the lens of our preconceived notions about what is good, bad, right or wrong - all of which we learned at an earlier age. The promise of the book was that if we could just become aware of our mechanical ways of relating without judging them, our mechanics would lose their control over us and a new possibility for relating at a deeper level would open. The promise was fulfilled. The results have been amazing. And we found that the benefits of what we learned spilled over into our other relationships with family, friends, and those with whom we work.
When we looked, sometimes we discovered unexpected gifts each of us had, and other times, we didn't always see things we were proud of. The Kanes' book reminded us of two of the most powerful and healing words in the universe when it comes to creating magical relationships - I'm sorry.
The Kanes operate through three basic interconnected principles of transformation introduced in their successful first book, Working on Yourself Doesn't Work. We will leave the surprise and power of those principles, and several addenda they have added, as treasures for you to discover on your own. By sharing their own personal experiences and telling entertaining stories about the experiences of others, the Kanes present the possibility for all of us to discover how we can have that magical relationship we dream about - one that keeps on growing and is rich, intimate and more rewarding than most can imagine.
This is a good one - don't miss it.