Rethinking Narcissism: The Bad - and Surprising Good - About Feeling Special Audible Audiobook – Unabridged

Dr. Craig Malkin (Author), Kiff VandenHeuvel (Narrator), HarperAudio (Publisher)

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Harvard Medical School psychologist and Huffington Post blogger Craig Malkin addresses the "narcissism epidemic" by illuminating the spectrum of narcissism, identifying ways to control the trait, and explaining how too little of it may be a bad thing.

"What is narcissism?" is one of the fastest rising searches on Google, and articles on the topic routinely go viral. Yet, the word narcissist seems to mean something different every time it's uttered. People hurl the word as an insult at anyone who offends them. It's become so ubiquitous, in fact, that it's lost any clear meaning. The only certainty these days is that it's bad to be a narcissist - really bad - inspiring the same kind of roiling queasiness we feel when we hear the word sexist or racist. That's especially troubling news for millennials, the people born after 1980, who've been branded the "most narcissistic generation ever".

In Rethinking Narcissism listeners will learn that there's far more to narcissism than its reductive invective would imply. The truth is that narcissists (all of us) fall on a spectrum somewhere between utter selflessness on the one side and arrogance and grandiosity on the other. A healthy middle exhibits a strong sense of self. On the far end lies sociopathy. Malkin deconstructs the healthy from the unhealthy narcissism and offers clear, step-by-step guidance on how to promote healthy narcissism in our partners, our children, and ourselves.

Listening Length

6 hours and 6 minutes
Author

Dr. Craig Malkin
Narrator

Kiff VandenHeuvel
Audible release date

July 7, 2015
Language

English
Publisher

HarperAudio
ASIN

B00XCFWLFM
Version

Unabridged
Program Type

Audiobook
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Product details

Listening Length	6 hours and 6 minutes
Author	Dr. Craig Malkin
Narrator	Kiff VandenHeuvel
Whispersync for Voice	Ready
Audible.com Release Date	July 07, 2015
Publisher	HarperAudio
Program Type	Audiobook
Version	Unabridged
Language	English
ASIN	B00XCFWLFM
Best Sellers Rank	#33,015 in Audible Books & Originals (See Top 100 in Audible Books & Originals) #110 in Anthropology (Audible Books & Originals) #148 in Social Psychology #358 in Medical Social Psychology & Interactions

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dahlstr1

I thought this was about NPD, it's not.

Reviewed in the United States on August 26, 2018

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This is not a book about NPD!! This is a book about the personality trait of narcissism, about self-esteem, and about the uniqueness of humans, but has very little to do with pathological narcissistic personality disorder, so if that's what you want to learn about there are many better books you can read. I thought this book was going to offer up a different, well-researched perspective on narcissists and narcissistic abuse, but it falls flat in that regard. If you are a victim, a survivor, someone struggling with NPD, or a serious researcher on the topic, you will probably be disappointed reading this... I was.

203 people found this helpful

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Flawedplan

The beast in me

Reviewed in the United States on August 29, 2017

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I grew up in chaos with serial fathers, family members in prisons, asylums, a murderous sibling and dangerous mom who nearly killed all her kids at least once. Survived every kind of abuse, including the broken bones kind, so needless to say as an adult I've been labeled Cluster B mixed PD for decades by a variety of shrinks. I've had over 20 years of intensive therapy and live if not in "recovery", have always been hellbent on personal growth. I got this book a while ago and am reading it slowly because I don't want it to end. It's rough out there for a not otherwise specified narcissist, there are plenty of resources that speak to us but I can't accommodate the demonization. This book, along with the author's youtube and social media pages are constructive, non-dehumanizing tools I expect to revisit time and again for as long as I need them.

85 people found this helpful

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Kindle Customer100

Enlightening, neutral & non-judgmental take

Reviewed in the United States on May 14, 2020

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Truly appreciated the non-judgmental info in this book. People tend to villainize Narcissists (rightfully so at times!) but I wanted to have a clear understanding from a more neutral and less emotional perspective and I think Dr. Malkin did an exceptional job presenting his perspective. It helped me to understand the narcissists/echoists in my life, helped me to check in with myself so see where on the scale I am at any given time and it will make it so I'm able to spot narcissists/echoists more easily in the future. Overall, I found this book enlightening and something I really needed to read. I recommend this book to many.

If you're expecting this book to help you heal after narcissistic abuse I'll say it's useful to have in your toolbox but it's not the only book you should read. You'll definitely want to talk to a psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, and/or highly skilled energy worker help you jump over the hurdles that come up during your recovery period.

2 people found this helpful

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Amazon Customer

Finding out if your marriage can be saved when it involves a narcissist

Reviewed in the United States on November 29, 2017

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I absolutely loved this book. I got the audio version and had a great listening experience. While many videos have encouraged running from a relationship involving a narcissist, I was holding out for just a small ray of hope before doing that. There is much more to NPD than just the bad stuff everyone is talking about. There is a spectrum of traits from low to high. While some traits have a greater degree of being corrected some are much more difficult. Any correction that is done MUST be done because the narcissist is willing to work at seeing change in him/herself. Those who love the narcissist must be willing to demonstrate tough love and not continue to enable the situation. The book contained many examples of narcissism traits, assessment tests that share what to look for and help with making a knowledgeable decision about staying in the relationship or leaving. If leaving becomes necessary for myself, I will definitely walk away, safely and calmly knowing I've done my due diligence towards saving my marriage. I have "Rethinking Narcissism" to thank for this in addition to my own resourcefulness to research this little understood personality disorder.

44 people found this helpful

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Owen Johnson

compassionate and practical framework

Reviewed in the United States on June 23, 2019

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I read this book to gain a better understanding of narcissistic defenses that sometimes accompany vulnerability so that I could better understand and help a loved one.

I found the framework and outlook in this book both compassionate and helpful. I would highly recommend the book to anyone with someone in their life who is struggling with vulnerability and has developed narcissistic defenses to protect themselves.

6 people found this helpful

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Janiene

Awareness and Understanding leads to Freedom

Reviewed in the United States on November 7, 2016

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I loved this book. I am very interested in the topic since I have been a part of a family that has struggled with NPD issues my whole life. It has been a personal journey of self realization, but you cant totally get there without an educated reflection on how your upbringing may have influenced where you are today. Dr. Malkin provided a very compassionate description that does not vilifies but explains and teaches how to set appropriate boundaries, or when it is time to stay away. I have read 6 books on the topic and thought this was the best one by far. Digging in to understand so you can move on in your own life and not keep repeating destructive patterns has set me free.

4 people found this helpful

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Loyal Amazonian

A non threatening explanation of a horrible issue

Reviewed in the United States on November 21, 2018

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By having a broader understanding And clear definitions of the acceleration of this disease you help me get the hell out of Dodge

7 people found this helpful

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Pen

Minimises the serious topic of narcissism

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on June 15, 2020

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Dr. Craig Malkin is described as a Clinical Psychologist and lecturer at the Harvard Medical School. With such a description, a reader might think have purchased a book based on sound and rigorous scholarship. Unfortunately, this assumption is far from the case. The title and subtitles are "Rethinking Narcissism - The Secret to Recognizing and Coping with Narcissists" when the title should have been "Everyday Selfishness".
Malkin begins by recounting a story about his somewhat self-centred mother in which he suddenly realised that she wanted to feel special. He then jumps to the conclusion that the essence of all narcissism is "the drive to feel special". Since virtually everyone wants to feel special to at least someone, he concludes that we are all narcissistic to some extent. He then constructs a 1-10 "Narcissism Spectrum" and asserts that a moderate amount of narcissism (i.e. selfishness) is good. Malkin's reasoning represents bad science in that he conflates narcissism with self-esteem and attention-seeking ("While people at 0 assiduously avoid the spotlight, those at the far right [i.e. 9-10] either scramble for it or silently long for it" p 30). He focuses his Narcissism Spectrum on attention-seeking even though on p 24 he contradicts himself by writing about "introverted narcissists" who "...shy away from, and even seem panicked by, people and attention". Technically, his writing lacks construct validity - having a sharp and well-reasoned focus that is tied in to authoritative authors' works on the topic.
The best anchor for defining narcissism is using the criteria in the DSM (the psychiatrist's core manual) to which he makes a passing reference on p 95 and proceeds to use his "wanting to feel special" idea to interpret the behaviour of people with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NDP) - completely ignoring their wishes to dominate and exploit others. In terms of dealing with narcissists, his advice is to "nudge" those higher than average on his Narcissistic Spectrum (i.e. a bit more selfish than most) to be more empathic by one's use of language. His advice for dealing with people who actually are narcissists (i.e. those who have NPD) is, basically, to leave the relationship. This is summarised in a 50-word box on p 199 with his stop signs being insults, name-calling, put-downs, gaslighting, hitting pushing or slapping, remorseless lies and manipulation and refusal to admit to problems and seek help. These are all common behaviours of people with NPD. If he had stayed true to his subtitle "The Secret to Recognizing and Coping with Narcissists", his whole book would have been the 50 words in his box and the coping aspect would just be the injunction to leave the relationship.
Overall, this book minimises and side-steps the serious issue of narcissism and represents an embarrassing production from a supposedly professional psychologist. I dread to think what his scientific colleagues make of it. I also dread the amount of self-doubt and confusion he has sown in the minds of victims of narcissists.

26 people found this helpful

Definately worth a read. Fresh perspective.

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on July 1, 2020

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Definately worth a read if it is a topic you are interested in .... or surviving. Fresh perspectives For example presenting the spectrum of narcissism and echoism and self checking your own range of narcissism . Supporting children develop healthy behaviour.
Framing the benefits of healthy narcissism seems unique to this author Too.
In general a fresh, helpful way of framing aspects of narc behaviour . Very helpful and easy to read and well presented. This author . His book and videos are really great in conjunction with reading other sources as it perhaps focuses on the lighter side of narc behaviours. While Undoubtedly very valuable . if you are encountering the more suffocating impact of narcissism this book in conjunction with Accessing Dr carter and Dr Ramani are good sources to explore for some grounding and practical advice about managing and dealing with the destructive forces of narcissism. And For gaining an overview of what you have been encountering.
Absolutely recommend this book . But other sources may be very valuable And I would say necessary to further illuminate the darker range of patterns of Challenging And abusive behaviour within narcissism.
Over all . Definately recommend. Unique perspective. Very thought provoking.

4 people found this helpful

Charlotte's Web

I lived with Hyacinth Bucket....

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on July 23, 2021

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This is a great book that helped me recognise my own sometimes echoistic tendencies and those of my husband, and contrast them to what a “healthy” level of narcissism looks like.

Like Dr Makin explains in his first chapter, I too had a mother who became more narcissistic in her later years -even to the point of perhaps having Narcissistic personality disorder. She was entitled and expected everyone to serve her; she lacked empathy and always wanted the attention turned on her and her woes; and she had the need to exploit people and use her health condition for her own needs to feel superior and above others. She always felt like she deserved more and she was incredibly manipulative. That’s not saying she couldn’t be kind and empathetic sometimes because she could and that was very confusing for me and other family members whom she often played off against each other.

This book isn’t sensational or provocative but I did find it practical and helpful. It doesn’t offer solutions so much about how to “deal” with a malignant narcissist - of course the advice is to always stay safe. If you feel you are threatened with physical violence first and foremost you have to get to safety. Because like Dr Malkin points out in the book - it’s INCREDIBLY difficult to do that. They are highly defensive, manipulative people who are potentially dangerous to confront.

There is helpful and practical advice for conversation and ways to help someone with Narcissistic tendencies however. That’s a very different matter.
Also many people who live or have lived with Narcissistic people maybe able to recognise their own echoistic personality traits and help find ways to build their own sense of self worth and self esteem. Healthy narcissism isn’t about bravado or ego as much as self worth and self love and the ability to celebrate your own victories and life achievements and let others celebrate you too.

* I titled my review “I lived with Hyacinth Bucket” because in many ways that’s exactly what my mother was like (sadly she passed away a couple of years ago now). Her sense of entitlement was and superiority were very similar to the character that is portrayed. And sometimes it was farcical. A lot of times very painful - I couldn’t get empathy from her when I needed it. Like Hyacinth doesn’t “see” Elizabeth or her needs, my mother didn’t see me or recognise my needs or acknowledge my achievements.
With this book - along with others - I have come to a sense of peace with how she was though and that’s why I loved this book so much. I’m very grateful to Dr Malkin and I hope he write more on the subject.

Kindle Customer

Very good for a broad explanation npd

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on February 5, 2018

Verified Purchase

A very good book that explains narcissism in simple terms.
Dr Craig does not demonise narcs but highlights the warning signs that say you need to leave a relationship.
Look on youtube for his talks, he is not as "famous" as others who discuss npd but he is credible.
This isn't a long book but it contains enough to help you understand and walk away from a narc.

7 people found this helpful

Musicals Fan

A word of warning

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on July 5, 2020

Verified Purchase

I bought this book as I had read and enjoyed another book by the same author (The Narcissist Test).
Just a word of warning: IT'S THE SAME BOOK. Same year but different ISBN numbers.

One person found this helpful

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